After the Show
by Atterb
Summary: Set after "Showtime." Buffy rescues Spike and they return home, unexpectedly finding old friends waiting. Lots of dialogue between characters, discussing their past and current problems. BS. (COMPLETE!)
1. Sunrise

This takes place just after Show Time. While I think the plot is all mine, I'm sure I've unconsciously borrowed a lot from other fanfics which I've read (and I've read a lot of them!). If so, sorry!  
Disclaimer: ok, I'm disclaiming that I own any of these characters. Did anyone think I was claiming before?   
Please read, enjoy, and review. It's my first fic, so don't be **too** harsh!  
Oh, anything in _italics_ is a thought.  
  


Chapter 1  


He hung limply from the wall, zoning in and out of consciousness.   
Suddenly a slight noise made him look up. He saw Buffy standing there,   
holding a knife. Spike worked up the energy to make another sarcastic   
remark. It was his way of resisting, as there wasn't much he could do   
physically.   
  
  
A knife, now, is it? Spike scoffed. What'll...what'll that...you—you can't hurt me. You're—you're just a bloody figment, you are. You're just... He trailed off. Buffy- or something with the appearance of Buffy- approached him, her expression softening slightly. She cut him loose from his bonds. Since the First wasn't corporeal, that alone should have been enough to make Spike realize this really was his Slayer, but in his dazed state, the truth only really became clear when his hand fell onto her shoulder.   
  
You. Oh. He put his arm over her shoulder, and she put her arm around his waist. Buffy helped the weak and limping Spike towards the exit of the cave.   
  
Just as they were about to exit the cave, Spike abruptly stopped, causing both Buffy and himself to stumble.   
  
For the first time since her arrival, Buffy spoke, concern evident in her voice. Spike? What's wrong? He looked at her.   
  
One word said it all:   
  
She took a moment to process this. Spike had been in this cave, being tortured, for... how long now? She had lost track. But although he obviously had no desire to remain where he was, he was safe now. No more ubervamp, and she could handle a few Bringers if any happened to come along. She lowered Spike gently until he was sitting up against a wall, then settled herself beside him. They were close enough that their shoulders touched, and he jerked away, seemingly out of habit. She sighed. Perhaps it was just as well that he wouldn't let her get near him. While she was starting to acknowledge she had _some_ feelings for him, a relationship was definitely not what she needed. Not when she had an army to lead.  
  
Buffy glanced over at Spike. The eye which wasn't swollen shut regarded her hungrily, drinking in the sight of her. So many times he'd seen her, only to find that the image was really the First. Feeling a bit uncomfortable with his intense gaze, she cast about for something to say. Sorry I didn't think to bring blood with me. Didn't know how late -or rather how early- it was.  
  
S'ok, I've lasted this long, I can go another day, he croaked.  
  
More silence, not much more comfortable than before. Spike felt it as well, and shifted uncomfortably.  
  
Slayer, shouldn't you be gettin' back to the Scoobies? Probably wonderin' what happened to you.  
  
she sighed. Don't really want to go back and deal with all of them, she admitted.   
  
Despite everything, sometimes Spike was still the only one she felt she could really tell anything to. Still, she supposed, she ought to go home and do something, at least let them know she was OK. Thank goodness today was a Saturday; work would have been just too much to deal with.   
  
You're right. Guess I'll head back. I'll be back by sundown to help you back home.  
  
Don't need help. I'll make it, he rasped, rather unconvincingly.  
  
Buffy snorted indelicately. That was Spike all right; some things would never change. Spike, you could barely make it to the cave exit _with_ my help. Don't try to be all macho-ey.  
  
He started to protest; then, realizing he lacked the energy to do even that much, nodded mutely in acquiescence.  
  
As she rose and started to leave, Buffy realized something. She handed Spike her knife. At his look of confusion, she explained The Bringers. If they come back... Damn! Maybe I shouldn't go. The idea of staying, hiding, here with Spike was rather tempting.  
  
They haven't been round much lately. No worries.  
  
she hesitated. Just keep yourself alive -undead, whatever- till I get back. I need you. Both of them realized how that sounded - his eyes widened in pleased shock, while she tried to rectify her error. You're the best fighter I have, she added hastily, implying that was why she needed him. While true, she knew that he was important to her for other reasons, but those issues would have to be dealt with later. Ok, um, then... see you at sundown.  
  
As she walked out of the cave into the sunlight, she heard Spike mutter, The sun sets, and she appears. That was what he had said to her the night she had come to his crypt during the whole singing-dancing fiasco. Right before he had asked her -or rather sung her- to let him rest in peace. The same night they had kissed for the first time.   
  
_Guess I didn't listen to his song very well. Peace... what a weird idea. Maybe when this is all over, I'll let him get that peace. Let him go..._ The thought of him not being there for her was a frightening one. When the First was defeated, one of her first priorities would be to get things straightened out with him, one way or another.  
  
A/N- thank you so very much for reviewing! I tried to take your suggestions, hope this helped.  
  
By the way, I thought about having Buffy cut herself and force Spike to take a drink of her blood when she realized how weak he was and the danger of the bringers. I decided that would be a little over the top.... what do you, oh readers, think of that idea? Like I've said, still very new at this.


	2. Home Sweet Home

Chapter 2 - Home Sweet Home  
  
  
  
With a tired groan, Buffy slammed the door shut behind her. _Home, sweet home_, she thought wearily. Not exactly the quiet, safe haven she imagined a house should be. As this thought passed through her head, she was suddenly attacked by numerous potentials. Not attacked as in a wow-you-killed-the-Ubervamp-and-saved-our-lives-thank-you-we-want-to-hug-you kind of way. No, this was an attack like we-think-you're-evil-and-are-trying-to-kill-you.   
  
As she fended off blows from potentials, she tried to figure out what was going on. Seeing Xander and a few more potentials standing a little to the side, looking uncertain, she called to them.   
  
Um, guys? she asked, ducking a blow from Kennedy. Want to tell me grunt, punch what this welcoming committee kick, dodge, punch is all about?   
  
While she didn't want to hurt any of the potentials, some were giving her no choice. She winced as she heard a bone snap.   
  
she called.   
  
Between their training and sheer numbers, she might have been overwhelmed if it weren't for the fact that some were fighting halfheartedly, as if unsure they were doing the right thing. Just as Anya was about to speak up, a familiar figure came around the corner.  
  
That's right girls! Kill her and we're done. You can all go home and be safe.   
  
_What the hell?!_' The figure was herself! Realization hit her at the same time as a potential's fist. Once she'd recovered from that, she yelled You idiots! That's not me, that's the First!   
  
One of the potentials - Anne maybe?- replied confusedly, That's just what you said you'd say!   
  
Since Buffy had first spoken, the girls had begun slacking off more and more, until they were just throwing a few wimpy blows which Buffy could easily dodge.   
  
Xander spoke up. She... you... Buffy said you're the First.   
  
At this Buffy rolled her eyes. Hello people, First incorporeal! Me, obviously corporeal!   
  
Anya replied Just how stupid do you think we are? Buffy told us that you found a way to make yourself tangible and that you took that form to confuse us. You can't fool us, Anya finished triumphantly. As always, once Anya had made up her mind about something, she defended her position no matter what the reality of the situation was.  
  
Buffy, annoyed now, snapped Did it occur to any of you to touch _her_ to see if _she _was corporeal?   
  
Anya and Xander exchanged glances in confusion, and the potentials backed off completely. Dawn, who had previously been engaged in the fight, lunged for the figure of Buffy. When she fell straight through the Buffy-figure to the floor, everyone (except Buffy) gasped.   
  
Two points for Buffy! Negative a gazillion points for the rest of you idiots! Buffy exclaimed, stalking angrily over to the image of herself.   
  
The Buffy-figure leered at the real Buffy. What a formidable army you have here. They can't tell _you_, Slayer, apart from _me, _ultimate evil. What does that say about them? Or perhaps a better question would be, what does that say about you?   
  
With that, the First turned into the image of the huge monster that had appeared to Buffy back when she was trying to save Angel from the First. Having scared the potentials witless, the First gave an evil laugh and disappeared.  
  
  



	3. Wheatabix, Blood, and a Blanket

Chapter 3 - Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket  
  


Author's Note: Since it's my fic and I can do whatever the hell I please, I'm changing the timeline in Angel around a little. Fred has already called Willow, who left for LA. Oh, and I have no idea how to spell wheatabix, so that's how I'm spelling it.  
  
Muttering angrily to herself, Buffy threw supplies into a bag. First aid kit, extra bandages, blood. _Hmmm, perhaps some wheatabix _... she remembered Giles complaining about Spike's love of wheatabix.  
  
Xander entered the kitchen as she was scrounging about for the wheatabix. So, Buffster, whatcha up to? he said, trying to act nonchalant. Not being able to tell his best friend apart from the source of all evil was bound to make her a bit cranky, he realized. He was sorta hoping she wouldn't mention that.  
  
At the sound of his voice, Buffy looked up, receiving a crack on the head since she had the upper half of her body stuck in a cabinet, looking for those damn wheatabix.  
  
she exclaimed, holding her hand to her head. She turned and glared icily at the carpenter. What I'm up to is getting supplies together. Then I'm going to go back to the cave and help Spike. And Xander, I don't want to hear anything bad come out of your mouth about Spike, got it?  
  
Xander gulped. Angry Buffy could very easily become Violent Buffy. He tried to keep a light tone. So our favorite bloodsucker's OK?  
  
Buffy thought about yelling at Xander for the sarcastic favorite bloodsucker' bit, but instead gave a wry laugh. Well, let's just say it's a good thing he heals quickly. At Xander's confused look, she said Remember how he looked after Glory had fun with him? Xander nodded. He's pretty much like that, only maybe worse. I haven't had a chance to talk to him about it yet, but I believe that, once again, Spike endured torture because of me- us, I mean. To protect us.  
  
She really didn't want to deal with Xander and his close-mindedness... maybe she should talk to Willow. Speaking of which...  
  
Uh Xander, where the hell is Willow?  
  
With a pitiful attempt at being funny, he said, Well, not in hell! At Buffy's annoyed look he quickly continued. Someone from Angel's called. Said they needed her help. That's really all I know.  
  
Buffy was worried. What on earth could be going on there? Well, whatever it was, she would just have to deal with it later.   
  
Right, well then... Just let her know what's been going on when she gets back. I'm leaving to help Spike.  
  
With this statement, she swept past Xander into the living room, grabbing a blanket on the floor, and headed out the door. Xander couldn't help but ask, Uh, Buff? What's the blanket for? As she once again gave him an evil glare, he winced.   
  
For your information, it's in case I feel I need to get Spike out of there during the daylight. What, thought I was falling back on old habits? She paused, thinking. Know what Xander? If I was, it so would not be any business of yours. My life is my life. Stay out of it. She turned away and started off to see to her wounded vampire. She turned around once more though, and said calmly, softly, Spike is a good _man_, Xander. Try and see that.  
  
He nodded, face serious, and she headed off.  



	4. Nightmares and Memories

Chapter 4 - Nightmares and Memories  
  


She slowed as she approached the cave entrance. She'd run almost all the way there, the bag bouncing on her back. The running had allowed her to expend some of that anger she felt due to the unwarranted and stupid attack at home.   
  
Buffy tried to enter the cave quietly. It was one of those things which she would never admit: she loved watching Spike sleep. After they'd... slept together? made love? they rarely slept together, and it wasn't making love. Well, usually after they did... what they did... she'd left right after, before he'd fallen asleep. But sometimes she'd stayed, and sometimes she'd stayed awake longer than he did. When he was asleep she could gaze at his handsome, chiseled face, so peaceful and innocent in repose, and pretend this was a man, someone she could love, someone with a soul.  
_  
Well, guess he's got the soul part down... does that mean I can love him now?_ She shook these thoughts away. _Beat the Big Bad Evil First first, then think about Spike_, she admonished herself.  
  
She crept softly into the cave, hoping to catch her ex-lover sleeping peacefully. However, sounds of pain came to her ears, and she swiftly set her bag down and grabbed a stake from her jacket pocket.   
  
Moving swiftly yet silently into the cave, she was surprised to find nothing there but Spike. Having ascertained that the cave was, indeed, empty save for the bleached wonder, she turned her eyes towards her vampire.  
  
He did sleep, but not peacefully. He looked to be having a nightmare. _I wonder, can vampires _have_ nightmares? Did Angel ever..._ As she watched, he began thrashing about, looking like he was trying to fight something off. With his bruises, she realized this must be terribly painful, and indeed, his usually handsome face was screwed up in a grimace of pain.  
  
As his movements became more and more violent, she realized that he still clutched her knife in her hand. Fearing that he would hurt himself, she knelt by his side and attempted to still him, nearly getting herself slashed in the process by his wild flailing with her knife.   
  
Spike! Spike! Wake up!  
  
She shook him, at first gently, then not so gently as he failed to respond. As soon as she had touched him, his movements had become less frantic, but he still seemed trapped in whatever nightmare he was in.  
  
Buffy shouted, shaking him vigorously, all the while trying to hold the knife away from either of them.  
  
Finally, his eyes opened and he sat up with a gasp, sending Buffy sprawling.  
  
Bu- Buffy? Spike said confusedly. I knew you'd... told her you'd... he trailed off, partly due to his confusion and partly due to the pain coursing through his body. Thanks to quick vampiric healing, he was already feeling better than before, though he was in desperate need of blood to help with the healing.  
  
Now it was Buffy's turn to be confused. You told who what, Spike?  
  
He shook his head in an effort to straighten out his thoughts. The pain that shot through his brain at this made him realize movement was probably not of the good right now.  
  
Sorry luv, must have been dreaming.  
  
He paused, regarding her, then looking towards the cave entrance. The sunlight showing through proved his internal clock was right- it was still day. His brow furrowed in puzzlement.  
  
Buffy intercepted and correctly interpreted his glance. Right, not sunset yet. I decided to come back a little early. She sprang into action, running to get her bag, coming back, rummaging through it to find: Blood. Figured you could use some of this.  
  
At the sight of the blood, Spike's face immediately shifted into his vampiric visage. Buffy didn't flinch, just offered the package of blood to him. However, when he realized that he had his game face' on, he ducked away in embarrassment.   
  
Buffy sighed. Spike, drink the damn blood already, it's not like I don't know you're a vampire.  
  
He glanced at her a bit sheepishly for a moment, realizing how silly his actions were. Spike quickly grabbed the blood from her and drained it.   
  
Buffy sat back and watched in satisfaction as he drank the blood. When he'd finished, she offered him another. He quickly tore that one open and drained it as well.  
  
Two more blood packets later, Spike was feeling much better. When Buffy offered him yet another, he shook his head.   
  
Think I'm good now, pet. Thanks for the blood.  
  
You're welcome. Just glad I thought to bring so much. Guess you lost a lot of blood, huh...  
  
Uh, yeah...  
  
An uncomfortable silence descended yet again.   
  
Oh! I brought bandages... here, let me bandage you up. Buffy scurried to her bag, triumphantly pulling out the first aid kit and extra bandages. Aha! Now, let me see what that stupid Ubervamp did to you.  
  
Spike shied away from her touch. No need for that luv, it'll heal on its own.  
  
She regarded him impatiently. He was more skittish around her than usual and it was starting to get on her nerves.  
  
Spike! Shut up already and let me bandage you.  
  
Uh... right then, Spike said, allowing Buffy to tend to him.  
  
He flinched slightly when he felt her warm hand touch him, then relaxed as she began her ministrations.  
  
It felt... good to touch him again. Before the blood, he'd looked like a starving man in some third world country. Her train of thoughts led her to her botched Thanksgiving feast with her friends, when they'd been attacked by Indians... err... Native Americans.  
  
Flashback:  
  
Spike : You know what happens to vampires who don't get to feed?   
  
Buffy : I always wondered that. Giles, plates.   
  
Spike : Living skeletons, mate. Like famine pictures from those dusty countries, only not half as funny.   
  
She hadn't liked Spike looking like a living skeleton,' as he'd put it so eloquently so many years ago, and was relieved that he looked better. She smiled a little as she remembered some of the other things he'd said that night:  
  
Spike : You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world isn't people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.  
  
He always had the ability to make her smile with his dry humor; back then, she'd had to hide her amusement.  
  
Spike regarded her through partially closed eyes. Whatcha smiling at, luv?  
  
Just remembering.  
  
Good memories?  
  
Guess so. Didn't think so at the time. The Native American incident had occurred just before Willow's Let my will be done' spell. At that memory, her smile faded, and she frowned thoughtfully.  
  
You OK there, pet?  
  
Yeah... Spike, remember Willow's spell? The Let My Will Be Done' thingy?  
  
Did he remember that! Every second was burned into his memory. The only time he had ever had Buffy like he wanted her- not just her body, but heart and soul. He swallowed nervously, wondering where this was going.  
  
course I do. Happiest time of my life.  
  
she corrected teasingly, deciding maybe she'd better change the topic. _Stupid, stupid Buffy! Why did you have to bring that up? Oh well, hopefully he'll let it go..._ Of course he didn't.  
  
What bout you, slayer? Was... was that the memory tha' caused the smile or the frown?  
  
He had to know. He didn't really want to know, didn't want that cherished memory to be ruined, but he had to know.  
  
Buffy remained silent, concentrating a bit harder than perhaps was really necessary on his bandaging. _Why, oh why, did my thoughts have to lead me there? _She, too, remembered it all. She had been happy, really happy with him. None of the angst that she'd had in her relationship with Angel, none of the... well, nothing relationship she'd had with Parker, and none of the trying-too-hard relationship she'd had with Riley. It was something she'd purposefully forgotten, as much as possible.  
  
But all of a sudden, something occurred to her. Something which had, in actuality, occurred to her before, but previously she'd quashed all thoughts along those lines. _Willow told me that she said that I should just go marry him... marriage doesn't necessarily mean love. But we were in love. But it was the spell which made us think we were in love... wasn't it? _Round and round her thoughts went, nearly making her dizzy.  
  
She looked up. Spike was regarding her wide-eyed. Didn't think you'd ever realize that on your own, pet...  
  
Buffy regarded him for a moment, confused. Then she realized she must have said some of her thoughts out loud. Probably under her breath, as was her habit, but with his vampiric hearing... _Damn damn and double damn!_ _How am I going to get out of this one?_


	5. Rain Check

Chapter 5- Rain Check  
  
A/N: Just wanted to say thank you so so so much for the reviews! I didn't understand before why all the fanfic writers kept asking their readers to review, but I definitely do now. So in other words: review please! It's really appreciated, and I will write more faster... 4 reviews and counting! Suggestions welcomed (though no promises that I'll change anything).  
Ok, on with the story:  
  
  
Spike was still looking at her, wide-eyed and hopeful. Buffy sighed. _Ooops... open mouth, insert foot! Nice going Buffy._  
  
And Spike was STILL looking at her in that hopeful way. _Maybe now would be a good time to tell him some things. Probably won't get much alone time once I get him home. _She glanced away from him, busying herself with re-rolling a bandage roll.  
  
It's just... Well, it seems to me that Willow's spell should only have had us being engaged, not being in love, but we were in love, I mean really in love, so I really don't know how to explain it except to say maybe we really are... were... are... in love... I don't know, oh God, I just don't know, Buffy babbled, feeling as if she were about to start sobbing from the confusion welling within her.  
  
Finally she calmed herself and looked back up at Spike, who looked incredibly confused... and yes, still hopeful.   
  
Spike. I don't know what exactly my feelings are for you. They may be love, they may not be. Maybe they could become love, given time. But time is what we really don't have right now. I can't... I can't have any kind of relationship with you beyond friendship, not now anyway, not until the First is defeated. I'm sorry to be telling you this now, with you all wounded and stuff, but I really just needed to tell you, because when you were taken I realized that I might never get a chance to tell you all this.... can we maybe take a rain check on the deep, serious stuff?  
  
Spike sat motionless, absorbing her words. _Blood hell... she might love me! Calm down ya stupid git, she might not... but she might, given time! Which we don't have right now. _Spike's mind struggled to comprehend her somewhat confusing speech. Eventually, he came to his senses and managed to speak.  
  
Whatever you want, Buffy. If you want a rain check, a rain check it is.  
  
He was going to stop there, but he couldn't resist continuing.  
  
But when we do defeat the first, I'm cashin' in my check.  
  
She smiled at him. _He understands! Well, duh he always understands. I should know that by now.  
  
_Sounds like a plan. I gotta keep my credit good, now don't I? she asked teasingly. Now let me finish up bandaging you and then you can sleep and heal. I need my strongest fighter back in my army.  
  
Army? Th' Scoobies are an army now? And I s'pose you're General Buffy, Spike mocked with an attempt at a smirk. The smirk didn't work too well given some cuts which were in the way, but it was the thought that counted.  
  
_Oh... he doesn't know about the potentials! _Buffy realized._  
  
_Um, right about the General Buffy, though not lovin' that term, just doesn't have a certain ring to it. Anyway, the army is, of course, the Scoobies, but also the zillions of S.I.T's.  
  
Stupid Inane Twerps? Spike guessed.  
  
Buffy laughed. Something like that. No, actually it means Slayers in Training, aka Potentials. They're all Potential slayers. The Bringers have been killing them all over the world, so they're all being brought to my house so I can protect them... she trailed off, remembering Annabelle, the girl who'd run off and gotten herself killed by the Ubervamp. _Casualty #1_, Buffy thought pessimistically. She shook off the thought. Spike was regarding her curiously. _Might as well tell him everything_....  
  
Right, so there's... um, I have no idea how many teenage, annoying girls who have invaded my home. One... one ran off one night and got herself killed, Buffy said, blinking back tears.  
  
Spike gazed at her compassionately. Sounds like there wasn't much you coulda done there, luv.  
  
Still... um, anyway, there's a lot of stuff that's happened... Buffy proceeded to tell Spike about all that he'd missed: her first two, unsuccessful fights with the Ubervamp, her decision to fight back, Willow's botched locator spell, the dead potential whose form the First took in her house, the showdown between her and the neanderthal vamp, and, finally, the encounter she'd had back at her house earlier that day.  
  
At this last, Spike starting banging his head against the wall- painful in any circumstance, but given how wounded he was, even more so. Spike, you stupid soddin' bloody git... he groaned.  
  
Buffy grabbed him and forced him to stop. Spike! What the hell is wrong with you? Don't tell me you're going all crazy again.  
  
I shoulda known! That's what's wrong, I shoulda known, I shoulda warned you.  
  
About what?  
  
About th' fact that th' First can take your form. She.. It... was always doing that to me.  
  
Buffy made a face. Weird, thinking of something goin' around, looking and talking like me. But anyway, don't worry about it. Wouldn't have helped if you had told me.  
  
Yeah... guess you're right, Spike said dejectedly. He knew, logically, she was right, but he still felt bad. _Stupid soul... can't ya stick to makin' me feel guilty when I actually deserve it? Rational guilt... _he snorted to himself. _Right, souls and emotions and stuff, not rational. Gotta remember that._  
  
Buffy had her head cocked sideways, clearly thinking. Is that why you said what you said to me when I first came in? You thought I was the First. She was slightly disappointed. OK, that's a lie, she was pretty damn disappointed. The fact that Xander, Anya, and the Potentials couldn't tell her apart from the First was painful, but this...  
  
Well, yeah... but only for a second, pet. Being barely conscious didn't help my senses. Shoulda seen... shoulda smelled... The First only looks like you. Doesn't act like you, doesn't smell like you... _And I bet she doesn't taste like you_, he added silently, closing his eyes.  
  
Hey, you're tired, maybe you should get some rest-  
  
No! Don't go... please.. oh, bloody hell, never mind. Guess you have to go. He added softly, like always. It was just loud enough for her to hear.  
  
If she hadn't made up her mind before, she had now. Didn't say I was leaving, now did I?  
  
Spike looked at her hopefully. You're... you're stayin'?  
  
Buffy nodded her head decisively. Don't wanna go back to my oh-so-pleasant home... too noisy. Plus, I'm beat, think I'll crash here with you. If you don't mind.  
  
Not a bit, pet.  
  
She got out the blanket she'd brought and laid it out so they wouldn't have to sleep on the cold, hard cave floor. She sat back so Spike could lay down, then curled up next to him. She couldn't get too close because of his wounds, but it was close enough to make her feel safe.   
  
Spike froze when he realized she was laying down with him. As her small body cuddled up next to his, he relaxed.   
  
_This is nice_... was their last thought before they drifted off to sleep.


	6. A Long Talk in a Damp Cave

Chapter 6- A Long Talk in a Damp Cave  
  
A/N- Review! Pretty pretty please with a Spike on top?  
  
Also, I know this may get a bit rambley, and I apologize if that's the case. But I can't know if it's bad and rambley if you don't review, now can I? Hehe, ok, obviously I'm beggin' for some reviews. Even flames are welcome (as long as they're constructive flames. Which makes no sense, but you know what I mean.)  
***************  
  
Spike awoke, aware of some change in his surroundings. His eyes opened. _OK, still in this bloody cave, so what's diff'rent?_  
  
A voice answered his question. A Buffy voice, to be specific, though the tone was gentler than he was used to.  
  
Hey Spike, you're awake. You sleep well? You hungry?  
  
That's what was different: no Buffy curled at his side.  
  
Spike sat up with a groan. To his surprise, Buffy rushed to his side to help him sit up and lean against a wall.  
  
Thanks, pet. Yeah, I'm a mite bit peckish... he trailed off. And yeah, I did sleep well, he added, startled.  
  
Um, one blood packet coming right up... you been having' nightmares? Buffy asked while getting out and opening a blood package.   
  
Spike shrugged, then winced as he once again remembered to keep movement to a minimum. Yeah, a coupla lil' nightmares lately if you really must know.  
  
Didn't mean to pry. Well, maybe I did. Um, anyway, do ya think this could be the First, getting to us through our dreams? Cause if she/he/it can do that, we need to know. Buffy handed him the blood, which he eagerly took and drained with his vampire-face on.  
  
Spike considered this while drinking the blood. Finished, he shook his head to put back on his human visage and responded.  
  
Dunno, luv. Don't think so. Think it's a side-effect of the soul rather than some Big Bad. Been having them since I got the spark. Except just now.  
  
Buffy pondered this while packing up the blanket and empty blood packets. Maybe it really was the First, and the killing of the Ubervamp wounded it or something so... no, cause the Ubervamp wasn't really around when you got your soul... Anyway, sorry to hear about the nightmares Spike, but sounds like it's just your guilty conscience. Which you _so_ need to get over by the way, she said, plopping herself down beside him.  
  
He raised an eyebrow at her. Easier said than done, pet.  
  
Buffy sighed. Yeah... I know what you mean.  
  
Spike snorted. Buffy, luv, you've saved the Earth and all its sorry inhabitants how many times? And even gotten yourself killed in the process a coupla times, he said sadly, remembering the summer without her. Shaking off the sad memory, he continued. So somehow, I think that kinda makes up for snapping at the Niblet or something. S'nothing compared to torturing and killing hundreds, that's... unforgivable... Spike looked down and away from her, remembering again that he had no right to even look at her.  
  
Buffy's first impulse was to jump up and yell at him, but then changed her mind. Yelling at him was too reminiscent of how things had been last year between them. Instead, she gently took his chin in one hand and turned his face towards her.  
  
Spike. I have a bit of Giles-wisdom for you.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes. Oh, bloody great, he muttered.  
  
Spike! Shut up and listen to me! _Ok Buffy, no yelling, deep breaths. _Once she was certain he was listening- though he still refused to look at her- she continued. Giles once told me that people aren't forgiven because they deserve to be, but because they need to be. Since all the people that you hurt so long ago - pre-soul, might I add- aren't around to do the forgiving, I guess you'll just have to forgive yourself. And for heaven's sake, do it quickly cause I need my best fighter whole, mentally as well as physically.  
  
Tears started to well up in his eyes, and he turned even farther away from her. _Stupid git, turning into such a poof. _Trying to hide his unmanly tears, he spoke.  
  
Buffy, you just don't get it. If... if I am forgiven, if I don't suffer eternally, which I should, specially after... after what I did to you... than what tells me it was so wrong in the first place? Can't have been too bad if I'm not sufferin' for it... and then what's... what's to stop me from goin' and doin' it again? And then being all sorry afterwards and sayin' stupid things like I know I don't deserve forgiveness but I need it so forgive me'? And-  
  
She cut him off. Is that really what you're worried about? Hurting people again? It'd be one thing if you said you weren't going to do something, then did it, said you really weren't this time, then did it, and so on. Like my dad with cheating.  
  
Spike looked at her, surprised and angry. He did that? To a lovely woman like your mum? That's just... he sputtered off into silence.  
  
Yeah, I'm with you on that one. Besides, unlike him, you at least try and keep your word. Usually... But that's off topic. Anyway, where was I... oh yeah. Spike, you've changed.  
  
Yeah, yeah, the soul, I know. Still doesn't make things right. Can't just tack on a soul and have everythin' be all right as rain and whatnot.  
  
I know. But forgiveness is important. Can you ever forgive me for the way I treated you last year? Because honestly Spike, what you... almost did to me is really nothing compared to what I spent all of last year doing to you. And I don't have the excuse of being soulless at the time.  
  
Spike looked up at her in shock. That was probably the last thing he expected to here from her.  
  
Eventually he found his voice. Nothin' to forgive, luv. I'm evil. She shot him a dirty look. He corrected himself with an exasperated sigh. Fine, I _was _evil. Plus, you had just come back from Heaven, and everythin' was so hard for you here...  
  
Buffy shrugged. That's a worse excuse than not having a soul. Cause that one... well, even soulless you managed to do some pretty good things, like taking care of Dawn when I was gone.  
  
Spike was amazed. He'd never expected to hear any of these things.  
  
Buffy noticed his astonishment. _Uh-oh, what do I say now... ooooh! Look, sundown! At last._   
  
She cleared her throat nervously. So, just remember what I said and forgive yourself and .... and it's sundown so we'd better get home. She jumped up, grabbing her bag, then helping Spike to his feet. Her arm around his waist, his arm around her shoulder, they limped off homeward-bound, silently, each busy with their own thoughts.   
  
***************  
A/N- Like I said at the beginning of this chapter, sorry if some of that was babbling. Spike and Buffy obviously have a lot of important issues they need to talk over.  
More action and less talk in following chapters. (by action I don't mean Spuffy action, though there will be that too, later, but actual things will happen not just boring discussions) PLEASE REVIEW!! And a **_huge_** thank you to those who have.  
  



	7. Coming Home

Chapter 7- Coming Home  
  
A/N- I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but I read so many stories that I get confused about what has happened previously when I read the latest update. I'm gonna try and write a summary at the beginning of each chapter for what's happened so far. I may be the only one this happens to, in which case I'm doing this for nothing, but oh well ;o) Hope my readers (if I have any) find this helpful (please let me know if you do, cause if so I'll continue doing it):  
  
Chapter 1: _Sunrise_: Buffy rescues Spike. It's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day. As she leaves the cave and heads home, Buffy ponders life without Spike.  
  
Chapter 2: _Home Sweet Home_: Buffy returns to her home only to be attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, has convinced them that the real Buffy is the First in corporeal form. Buffy is, naturally, upset that the Potentials and her friends could believe that. The First leaves after a bit of taunting.  
  
Chapter 3: _Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket_: Buffy searches for these things (plus a first aid-kit) so she can go help Spike. She talks with Xander, who tells her that Willow was called to LA. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Chapter 4: _Nightmares and Memories_: Buffy returns to the cave, bag o' supplies in hand, to find Spike having a nightmare, and nearly hurting himself in his thrashing about. She wakes him. Despite his protests, she bandages him and gives him blood. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue). She (finally!) realizes that Willow's spell was only that she and Spike should marry, not that they should be in love. Unfortunately, she says some of this out loud and Spike hears her.  
  
Chapter 5: _Rain Check_: Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First. He agrees. Buffy fills him in on what's been going on while he's been gone. They then fall asleep, side by side (Awww! ;o)  
  
Chapter 6: _A Long Talk in a Damp Cave_: Basically, a big long talk between Buffy and Spike about forgiveness. She says that she needs his forgiveness for what she did to him last year, which of course surprises him. Buffy admits that he did some good things even when soulless, like taking care of Dawn. By now it's sundown, so they set out for home.  
  
*****************A/N- lemme know if the summary helped!  
  
Buffy and Spike headed home in complete silence- for the most part. About halfway there, Spike told Buffy he needed to rest for a bit. She gently let him down to sit on a gravestone (they were taking a shortcut through one of the many cemeteries).  
  
As Spike was resting there, catching his breath,' he realized there was one more very important thing he needed to ask the Slayer. He just had to make sure. It was the reason he'd been able to remain sane and not give in to the First. Then, he _had_ to believe it. Now, he needed to know if it were true.  
  
  
  
She was instantly at his side. What's wrong?  
  
No, no. It's just... I have one more question that I hafta ask.  
  
Buffy sighed nervously. _What is he gonna ask now?_ Go ahead, shoot.  
  
Right, well then. Spike began to speak very fast, as he was rather nervous himself. Before... before I got taken, you said some things to me and, well, I just wanted to know if you meant them. He paused. And... I'll understand if you didn't, I mean, I know I don't deserve-  
  
Spike, shut up already, I think we've been through the deserving thing. And in answer to your question Spike, I _do_ believe in you. You _can _be a better man.  
  
Spike breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
No, I take that back, Buffy said.  
  
He looked up at her, disbelieving, confused.  
  
She saw his hurt expression and knelt down so she was level with him, eye-to-eye. Spike, you _are _a good man. In fact, I just told Xander that earlier today, and that's what I tried to tell you before.... she trailed off, watching for his reaction.  
  
Spike asked, his voice embarrassingly high-pitched with relief.  
  
She nodded. Really really.  
  
A smile appeared momentarily on his bruised and battered face.  
  
A matching smile appeared on Buffy's less bruised face. Let's get you home.  
  
*******  
  
She carefully helped him up the steps to her house. Opening the door with the hand unoccupied with holding the increasingly weakening Spike up, she led him in.  
  
Buffy was too busy watching him and making certain he wouldn't fall to look ahead into the living room. Spike, however, glanced up to make sure he wouldn't stumble over one of these SIT's. From what Buffy had said, it sounded like they were everywhere, always underfoot.  
  
He stopped abruptly with a muttered curse.   
  
Buffy looked at him worriedly. Spike? You all right?  
  
No, I am not bloody all right! You bleedin' forgot to tell me that soddin' Captain Cardboard was back! Spike yelled with all his strength.  
  
What the hell are you.... she started to say. Turning, she saw one of those many men who'd said they loved her, whom she had loved, and who had left her. 


	8. Leading to a Talk

Chapter 8- Leading to a Talk  
  
A/N: A couple of people said they liked the summaries, so I think I'll keep that up. If you don't need it, just skip to below the second set of **s.   
  
Read and Review!! And thank you SO SO SO much to those of you who have reviewed, it really means a lot to me. So, Jen, Mita427, wolf116, adamsjo75, whoever hmm...' is, Anne Rose, Spygrrl, SinisterChic Heather Martin, gyrlfrend, Anne, and InsaneVampires, thank you!! Especially Anne Rose, wolf116, Jen, and Mita427 who have all reviewed multiple times. I feel so special! And, more importantly, reviews make me want to write more ;o)  
  
**********  
Chapter 1: _Sunrise_: Buffy rescues Spike. It's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day. As she leaves the cave and heads home, Buffy ponders life without Spike.  
  
Chapter 2: _Home Sweet Home_: Buffy returns to her home only to be attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, has convinced them that the real Buffy is the First in corporeal form. Buffy is, naturally, upset that the Potentials and her friends could believe that. The First leaves after a bit of taunting.  
  
Chapter 3: _Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket_: Buffy searches for these things (plus a first aid-kit) so she can go help Spike. She talks with Xander, who tells her that Willow was called to LA. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Chapter 4: _Nightmares and Memories_: Buffy returns to the cave, bag o' supplies in hand, to find Spike having a nightmare, and nearly hurting himself in his thrashing about. She wakes him. Despite his protests, she bandages him and gives him blood. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue). She (finally!) realizes that Willow's spell was only that she and Spike should marry, not that they should be in love. Unfortunately, she says some of this out loud and Spike hears her.  
  
Chapter 5: _Rain Check_: Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First. He agrees. Buffy fills him in on what's been going on while he's been gone. They then fall asleep, side by side (Awww! ;o)  
  
Chapter 6: _A Long Talk in a Damp Cave_: Basically, a big long talk between Buffy and Spike about forgiveness. She says that she needs his forgiveness for what she did to him last year, which of course surprises him. Buffy admits that he did some good things even when soulless, like taking care of Dawn. By now it's sundown, so they set out for home.  
  
Chapter 7: _Coming Home_: Buffy and Spike head home. Halfway there, Spike asks Buffy if she really thinks he can be a better man. She replies that he already is a better man. They arrive home, unexpectedly finding Riley sitting in Buffy's living room.  
  
***************************  
  
No, I am not bloody all right! You bleedin' forgot to tell me that soddin' Captain Cardboard was back! Spike yelled with all his strength.  
  
What the hell are you.... she started to say. Turning, she saw one of those many men who'd said they loved her, whom she had loved, and who had left her.   
  
Spike looked at her, surprised. You didn't know, he stated.  
  
No, of course not! You honestly think I wouldn't tell you something like this?  
  
Well, I-   
  
Xander spoke up now. Hey, as much as I just hate to break up this fascinating discussion, Undead Boy looks like he's ready to keel over, and I think Buffy needs to talk to Riley.  
  
To Buffy and Spike's mutual amazement, Xander came over and carefully put his arm around Spike.  
  
Xander continued to amaze them as he added: I'll just help Spike lie down-  
  
Uh, actually mate I think I need a shower more than a nap right now.  
  
Buffy wrinkled her nose. She hadn't really noticed it before, but he did truly reek. Right. Xand, take him to my mother's bathroom, k? Find some clothes for him to wear, please. And... thanks.  
  
Sure thing, boss, Xander said to Buffy with a nod. Come on Spike, up we go.  
  
Riley glared coldly at Spike. He knew he couldn't do anything to the vampire right now, as Spike was clearly under Buffy's protection. He'd make her see reason, though, and then one more vamp would be nothing more than a pile of dust.  
  
Buffy watched till the men had disappeared around the corner before turning to face her ex. Dawn, Anya, and Andrew who'd also been in the room, took the chance to slip out.  
  
We'll just go downstairs and see how the SIT's are doing, Dawn told her sister.  
  
Dawn and Anya began moving away, but Andrew just stayed there. With a sigh, Dawn headed back and grabbed his arm. Come on, Andrew!  
  
Oww! That hurts! Andrew whined. I want to stay and- He was cut off by a slap to the back of the head by Dawn. Oh fine. Ya know, it's just like this Star Trek episode where... his voice trailed off as the three headed downstairs.  
  
_ Finally! _thought Buffy. _Now, time to talk._   
  
Riley now rose and stepped towards her. As he came into the light, she gasped. She hadn't been able to see him very well before. His face was... well, grim would be an extreme understatement. He had a large scar down the right side of his face which added to his new dour look. All in all, he looked nothing like the man she'd once known.  
  
Riley rasped. Even his voice was harsher. We need to talk.  
  
  
  
*****  
A/N: Short chapter I know, but I'll update soon, I promise!


	9. Catching up with the Ex

Chapter 9- Catching up with the Ex  
  
A/N: Thanks again for the reviews! Here's the summaries again:  
  
****  
  
Chapter 1: _Sunrise_: Buffy rescues Spike. It's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day. As she leaves the cave and heads home, Buffy ponders life without Spike.  
  
Chapter 2: _Home Sweet Home_: Buffy returns to her home only to be attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, has convinced them that the real Buffy is the First in corporeal form. Buffy is, naturally, upset that the Potentials and her friends could believe that. The First leaves after a bit of taunting.  
  
Chapter 3: _Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket_: Buffy searches for these things (plus a first aid-kit) so she can go help Spike. She talks with Xander, who tells her that Willow was called to LA. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Chapter 4: _Nightmares and Memories_: Buffy returns to the cave, bag o' supplies in hand, to find Spike having a nightmare, and nearly hurting himself in his thrashing about. She wakes him. Despite his protests, she bandages him and gives him blood. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue). She (finally!) realizes that Willow's spell was only that she and Spike should marry, not that they should be in love. Unfortunately, she says some of this out loud and Spike hears her.  
  
Chapter 5: _Rain Check_: Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First. He agrees. Buffy fills him in on what's been going on while he's been gone. They then fall asleep, side by side (Awww! ;o)  
  
Chapter 6: _A Long Talk in a Damp Cave_: Basically, a big long talk between Buffy and Spike about forgiveness. She says that she needs his forgiveness for what she did to him last year, which of course surprises him. Buffy admits that he did some good things even when soulless, like taking care of Dawn. By now it's sundown, so they set out for home.  
  
Chapter 7: _Coming Home_: Buffy and Spike head home. Halfway there, Spike asks Buffy if she really thinks he can be a better man. She replies that he already is a better man. They arrive home, unexpectedly finding Riley sitting in Buffy's living room.  
  
Chapter 8: _Leading to a Talk: _Spike accuses Buffy of not telling him about Riley, then realizes she really didn't know. Xander offers to help Spike (gasp!). Dawn, Anya, and Andrew leave Riley and Buffy to talk. Sort of a filler chapter, nothing real interesting.  
  
**************************  
  
We need to talk, Riley said.  
  
Buffy looked at him. _What did I ever see in him? I mean, state the obvious much? Of COURSE we need to talk.  
  
_ Out loud, all she said was, Ok, Riley. Let's sit down and talk. Do ya want something to eat? Hot chocolate?  
  
He looked at her strangely. _Hot chocolate? What? _Uh, no. Thanks.  
  
He sat back down on the couch and Buffy plopped herself down into a comfy chair facing him.  
  
Finally, Riley cleared his throat and began. A lot has happened to me, and I'm sure a lot has been happening here. But I need to tell you something very important first. You're not going to like hearing this. _Though I will enjoy telling you this, _he added silently.  
  
Oh, just spit it out already Riley, it's been a bit of a long couple of days, Buffy snapped.   
  
Blinking at her rudeness, Riley continued. Right then. Cut right to the chase. Hostile 17's chip was only a temporary one. Since he wasn't, obviously, supposed to go free the temporary part shouldn't have been a problem. The chip was still very new, very experimental.  
  
He paused. Buffy chose not to respond, sensing he had more to add. She was also a bit annoyed at his use of the term Hostile 17' in place of Spike.'  
  
So, basically, Hostile 17's chip may not be working, or it will very soon cease to be. I understand not staking him when he was harmless and could be useful, but he's nothing but a danger now.  
  
Buffy was still regarding him blankly, as if waiting for him to make his point. He frowned. Maybe he'd have to spell it out for her.  
  
he said slowly and carefully, as if to a small child, Hostile 17 needs to be staked. He can and will kill humans again.  
  
The words which next came out of Buffy's mouth surprised him.   
  
No, he won't, she calmly stated.  
  
Buffy, he's a vampire! An evil, soulless, HST who will murder you the first chance he gets.  
  
She was really starting to lose her patience. Spike is not evil. In fact, he's not soulless either.  
  
Shocked, Riley could do nothing but stare at this woman. _God, he really must have her under some sort of spell or something._  
  
I don't know what that HST has been telling you, but it's a lie. He couldn't-  
  
Buffy stood up, staring down at this boy playing at being a soldier.   
  
Riley! Shut up! You have no idea what you're talking about. Look, Spike has a soul. He's endured torture numerous times to save me- err, us. And some of that was before the soul. Some was to get the soul. He _chose _to get the thing. And it hurt him... God, how it hurt him! It drove him insane. For a while. And-  
  
Riley jumped to his feet and glared down at her.  
  
What, has sleeping with the HST affected your brain? You know, maybe I was wrong, maybe you aren't the woman I once loved, perhaps you _have_ changed. I think Hostile 17 has you under some kind of thrall. Well, I'll just break it, and then you'll see the truth.  
  
Before Buffy could move, Riley had run up the stairs. She ran after him as quickly as possible. _He always has to be the hero, _she mused. _Even so, this is stupider than usual for him._  
  
With her being still slightly wounded from her battle with the Ubervamp, and his rage lending him speed, she didn't reach him until he was close to her mother's bedroom door.   
  
As chance would have it, at that exact moment a now-clean Spike opened the door. Buffy grabbed Riley and threw him backwards to the floor, inserting herself between him and Spike.   
  
A thoroughly confused Spike looked at them both. Uh, pet, what's-  
  
Buffy cut him off, yelling at Riley. Damn it, Riley! He _has_ a soul! He's good! He helps! No staking of Spike!  
  
Spike got it now. _So he's out to stake me again._ Got another plastic stake with ya, soldier boy?  
  
Not plastic this time, Riley growled.   
  
It was Buffy's turn to be confused. But before she could say anything, Spike continued.   
  
Buffy's right, I do have a soul. As for being good, well, I'm tryin'.  
  
Riley stared up at him, hatred clear on his face. He didn't bother attacking with Buffy standing right there.   
  
Spike decided they needed to resolve this, once and for all. Killing me won't get Buffy back, ya know, he said softly, not mockingly for once. He figured that's what this was about, at some level.   
  
Spike paused, considering. Besides, what about the missus?  
  
Yeah, where's Sam? Buffy chimed in. Maybe Sam could knock some sense into her husband.   
  
Riley's reaction was totally unexpected. He began to sob. I... I killed her.  
  
Buffy and Spike exchanged glances, each clarifying that the other had no idea what he was talking about.  
  
You... you _killed _her? Buffy asked, disbelieving.  
  
Riley continued to sob, head in his hands.  
  
Spike frowned thoughtfully. Something didn't sound right. _Oh. Of course. _  
  
Uh, mate, when you killed the missus, was she, by any chance, say, other than human?  
  
Buffy's eyes widened. _Of course... oh, how terrible. _She kneeled down beside the weeping man.   
  
Riley, you had to. She knew that was a risk in this business. Sam would've wanted you to kill the demon. And she wouldn't want you to feel guilty about it, either.  
  
Riley finally looked up. But... but if Spike can be good, she coulda too. No, I murdered her.  
  
Spike shook his head. This boy was so naive. Doesn't work like that. I came to be this way because of very singular conditions. First, the bloody chip. Second, the fact that I loved Buffy more than... No words for that. And thirdly, the soddin' soul that I went and got. You did the right thing. Don't doubt-  
  
The little moment they were having was broken by a sound from the downstairs; specifically, the sound of Xander screaming.   
  
Follow me, Buffy ordered.


	10. Old Friends

Chapter 10: Old Friends  
  
A/N: Ok, only one person reviewed for chapter 9... that's pretty sad, doncha think? Pretty pretty please review! Ok, well, hope you guys like this chapter. Enjoy!  
  
********************** Summary: ***************************  
  
Chapter 1: _Sunrise_: Buffy rescues Spike. It's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day. As she leaves the cave and heads home, Buffy ponders life without Spike.  
  
Chapter 2: _Home Sweet Home_: Buffy returns to her home only to be attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, has convinced them that the real Buffy is the First in corporeal form. Buffy is, naturally, upset that the Potentials and her friends could believe that. The First leaves after a bit of taunting.  
  
Chapter 3: _Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket_: Buffy searches for these things (plus a first aid-kit) so she can go help Spike. She talks with Xander, who tells her that Willow was called to LA. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Chapter 4: _Nightmares and Memories_: Buffy returns to the cave, bag o' supplies in hand, to find Spike having a nightmare, and nearly hurting himself in his thrashing about. She wakes him. Despite his protests, she bandages him and gives him blood. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue). She (finally!) realizes that Willow's spell was only that she and Spike should marry, not that they should be in love. Unfortunately, she says some of this out loud and Spike hears her.  
  
Chapter 5: _Rain Check_: Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First. He agrees. Buffy fills him in on what's been going on while he's been gone. They then fall asleep, side by side (Awww! ;o)  
  
Chapter 6: _A Long Talk in a Damp Cave_: Basically, a big long talk between Buffy and Spike about forgiveness. She says that she needs his forgiveness for what she did to him last year, which of course surprises him. Buffy admits that he did some good things even when soulless, like taking care of Dawn. By now it's sundown, so they set out for home.  
  
Chapter 7: _Coming Home_: Buffy and Spike head home. Halfway there, Spike asks Buffy if she really thinks he can be a better man. She replies that he already is a better man. They arrive home, unexpectedly finding Riley sitting in Buffy's living room.  
  
Chapter 8: _Leading to a Talk: _Spike accuses Buffy of not telling him about Riley, then realizes she really didn't know. Xander offers to help Spike (gasp!). Dawn, Anya, and Andrew leave Riley and Buffy to talk. Sort of a filler chapter, nothing real interesting.  
  
Chapter 9: _Catching up with the Ex:_ Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working, so he needs to be staked. She refuses, informing Riley that Spike has a soul. Riley goes to stake Spike. Spike figures out that Sam was turned and Riley had to kill her. Then the three hear Xander scream.  
  
*************************  
  
The little moment they were having was broken by a sound from the downstairs; more specifically, the sound of Xander screaming.   
  
Follow me, Buffy ordered. Without looking behind her, she rushed towards the stairs.  
  
Without thinking, the two men followed; Riley, because he was used to following orders; Spike, because he would follow Buffy to hell- literally.  
  
Buffy stopped abruptly when she reached the bottom of the stairs, causing the men behind her to nearly fall into her. Spike, still injured, fell backwards onto the stairs, and remained there as he tried to process the scene in front of him.  
  
Angel was fighting with Xander. _Not really fighting, more just keeping Xander at bay,_ Buffy noted. _But is this Angel? Or Angelus?  
  
_ Xander looked up, seeing her. Buffy! Ugh! Help me!  
  
Angel. Let him go, Buffy stated as calmly as she could.  
  
The vampire holding him tried to explain. Buffy, if I let go, he'll stake me.  
  
Buffy looked carefully. Indeed, Xander had somehow managed to be in a pretty good position to stake Angel. It was a situation Angel could have easily gotten out of, but not without hurting Xander.  
  
Just as she decided that it must really be Angel, not Angelus, Xander shouted:  
  
Willow called. She was in LA cause -owww!- urgh- cause he lost his soul again.  
  
Yeah, I did, but I got it back now, ya gotta believe me, Angel beseeched her.  
  
Where is she, then? Buffy asked accusingly.   
  
Angel looked up. Getting a book or something, I swear, she'll be here!  
  
Spike started to speak up. I can- ulp!  
  
A crazed Riley, seeing his chance with Buffy distracted, hauled Spike up the stairs and started fighting with him. Buffy was about to tell Angel to stay still so she could go help, when a new development occurred.  
  
Woah! What the hell is going on here? Angel? B?  
  
All eyes turned to regard Faith, and the boy standing behind her.   
  
Angel explained tersely. They think I'm Angelus.  
  
Oh, well, he was, but he's all souled up again, thanks to the Wicca chick.  
  
The mystery boy nodded sullenly in agreement.  
  
Angel finally just knocked Xander away.  
  
Breathing hard, not moving from where he'd landed, Xander said, Yeah, cause your credibility is _sooo_ high here, Faith. Buffy, you can't possibly listen to her or Angelus! I mean, they've _both_ tried to kill me! She's supposed to be in jail!  
  
Angel and Faith both started to speak, with Xander still continuing his ranting on top of them.  
  
Finally, Buffy shouted, Ok, everyone, shut up! Faith, Angel, mystery kid- any of you move, and I'll kill you.  
  
Having said this, she ran up the stairs and knocked the insane Riley off the already wounded vamp. Riley struck a wall and fell, unconscious.  
  
Spike had been holding his own in the fight, but just barely. She grabbed Spike and helped him down the stairs. To her relief, the scene was exactly as she'd left it.  
  
Xander, Angel, and Faith all started to speak up the moment Buffy came into view. Before they could get more than a word out, Spike whispered to Buffy, Lemme get closer to him, and I'll be able to see if he has a soul.  
  
Buffy nodded, and Spike limped over to Angel. All fell silent, realizing what was going on.  
  
Spike walked right up to Angel, stared him in the eyes. After a moment, he turned and sauntered (as best he could) back to Buffy. It's Angel. He's got a soul.  
  
A flabbergasted Angel squeaked out, So... so do you!  
  
Yeah, that's kinda old hat now, mate. You know, you are gettin' on in years, gettin' a lil' slow, maybe you should think bout retiring, Spike joked.  
  
Faith spoke up. So that takes care of Angel. What about me?  
  
Before Buffy could say anything, Angel responded. I'll vouch for her, Buffy. She only broke out of jail because Wesley asked her to, so she could help me.  
  
Buffy nodded, accepting his word. And mystery kid?  
  
Angel opened his mouth and closed it without making a sound.   
  
Angel? The mystery kid? Buffy repeated, frowning.  
  
Faith snorted. What broody boy here is trying not to tell you is that Connor is his son.  
  
Xander, Spike, and Buffy regarded Faith with varying expressions of disbelief. Buffy turned to her first lover.  
  
He sighed. It's a long story.  
  
She inclined her head, indicating that his answer was good enough- for now.   
  
How about we move into the family room? Have an impromptu Scooby meeting? Buffy suggested.  
  
Everyone nodded.  
  
General Buffy came out. All right, Xander, why don't you grab some snacks, I got the feeling that this might be a long meeting. Angel, help him with that, would ya? There's blood in the fridge for you and Spike, heat it up in the microwave if you want. Faith, mystery kid - err, Connor, go upstairs and see if my ex is still unconscious. I suspect he is. If he is, lay him on the nearest bed, and Connor, please stay with him and watch him. He's a bit off his rocker at the moment.  
  
Yeah, just a bit, Spike muttered sarcastically.  
  
Buffy ignored his comment. If he's not unconscious, bring him down to the meeting, and keep an eye on him. Spike, you head in and sit down- you ok? Do you need any more bandaging? Buffy asked worriedly, realizing he might have been hurt in the scuffle with Riley.  
  
He shook his head, slightly mortified she was suggesting he was weak in front of everyone, but more surprised (and pleased) that she was openly expressing her concern.  
  
Ok then, I'll just pop downstairs, check on the SIT's, get Dawn and Anya, and we'll talk. Oh, and does anyone know where the hell Giles is?  
  
Xander raised his hand hesitantly. Sorry, meant to tell you this before... He's off picking up another SIT, in Sweden. Or maybe Switzerland? Something like that. Began with an S, anyway.  
  
Spike snickered quietly. _I forgot how funny the Whelp could be. Not on purpose, of course, but still, amusing._  
  
Uh, what's an SIT? Faith asked.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes, tired of explaining. Spike or Xander can explain it.  
  
Everyone remained still, awaiting for further orders, Buffy realized. Let's go!  
  
With those oh-so-rallying words, her troops started to move- to get food, and other such important actions.  
  
Buffy headed downstairs.  
  
  
************  
A/N: REVIEW!!! Please! I want to know if anyone's reading this!


	11. Scooby Snacks

Chapter 11: Scooby Snacks  
  
A/N: Ok, kiddies, time for a lil' lesson! Several ppl reviewed after my last chapter... and very quickly a new chapter is posted. Everyone get the moral of the story? Hehe ;o) Thank you all for reviewing, please keep it up. It's ridiculous how a coupla words from you can make me so happy!  
  
  
  
********************** Summary: ***************************  
  
Chapter 1: _Sunrise_: Buffy rescues Spike. It's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day. As she leaves the cave and heads home, Buffy ponders life without Spike.  
  
Chapter 2: _Home Sweet Home_: Buffy returns to her home only to be attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, has convinced them that the real Buffy is the First in corporeal form. Buffy is, naturally, upset that the Potentials and her friends could believe that. The First leaves after a bit of taunting.  
  
Chapter 3: _Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket_: Buffy searches for these things (plus a first aid-kit) so she can go help Spike. She talks with Xander, who tells her that Willow was called to LA. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Chapter 4: _Nightmares and Memories_: Buffy returns to the cave, bag o' supplies in hand, to find Spike having a nightmare, and nearly hurting himself in his thrashing about. She wakes him. Despite his protests, she bandages him and gives him blood. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue). She (finally!) realizes that Willow's spell was only that she and Spike should marry, not that they should be in love. Unfortunately, she says some of this out loud and Spike hears her.  
  
Chapter 5: _Rain Check_: Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First. He agrees. Buffy fills him in on what's been going on while he's been gone. They then fall asleep, side by side (Awww! ;o)  
  
Chapter 6: _A Long Talk in a Damp Cave_: Basically, a big long talk between Buffy and Spike about forgiveness. She says that she needs his forgiveness for what she did to him last year, which of course surprises him. Buffy admits that he did some good things even when soulless, like taking care of Dawn. By now it's sundown, so they set out for home.  
  
Chapter 7: _Coming Home_: Buffy and Spike head home. Halfway there, Spike asks Buffy if she really thinks he can be a better man. She replies that he already is a better man. They arrive home, unexpectedly finding Riley sitting in Buffy's living room.  
  
Chapter 8: _Leading to a Talk: _Spike accuses Buffy of not telling him about Riley, then realizes she really didn't know. Xander offers to help Spike (gasp!). Dawn, Anya, and Andrew leave Riley and Buffy to talk.  
  
Chapter 9: _Catching up with the Ex:_ Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working, so he needs to be staked. She refuses, informing Riley that Spike has a soul. Riley goes to stake Spike. Spike figures out that Sam was turned and Riley had to kill her. Then the three hear Xander scream.  
  
Chapter 10: _Old Friends_: Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted. An insane Riley fights Spike till Buffy rescues him. Spike looks at Angel, says he has a soul. Angel realizes Spike has a soul. Angel vouches for Faith's trustworthiness. Buffy calls a Scooby meeting.  
  
*****************************  
  
Buffy walked into the living room. Spike was already in there, along with Xander, Angel, and the food. The boys were already chowing down. She was relieved to see that they weren't fighting, verbally or physically. Considering this trio's history...   
  
Hey guys, Anya and Dawn should be up in a sec, the SIT's are gonna keep training for a bit. I'm gonna go check on Riley.  
  
They all nodded, and kept stuffing their faces (or, in the cases of Spike and Angel, kept gulping down the warm blood).  
  
She snorted, amused. _Ah, males... some things never change._  
  
Before she reached the stairs, she heard the front door creak open. Grabbing a nearby ax (and making a mental note to tell the SIT's to not leave sharp, pointy objects lying around), she moved forward, ready to attack some Big Bad. She raised the ax, and...  
  
  
  
Willow looked up to see Buffy coming towards her, arms outstretched, one hand holding an ax.  
  
Nervously, Willow started backing away.  
  
Um, Buff?  
  
Buffy said, confused.  
  
Mind losing the ax?  
  
Oh! Right, sorry! Buffy dropped the ax and gave Willow a big hug, smashing her a bit. It's good to see you. You're gonna have to tell me all about it later, k? Right now, Scooby meeting in the living room. I'll be right there.  
  
Used to not knowing what was going on, and figuring she'd find out at the meeting, Willow headed into the family room, finding the boys. Xander jumped up (spilling food everywhere), giving her another bone-crunching hug.  
  
On her way upstairs, Buffy met Faith coming down. Everything ok?  
  
Yeah B, s'cool, soldier boy's still out... look, Buffy, there's some stuff I need to talk to you about...  
  
Save it for later, Faith. Scooby meeting now, remember?  
  
Faith nodded, a bit put off (and slightly relieved) that she would have to wait to apologize and explain.  
  
Finally, the Scooby meeting started.  
  
General Buffy explained to Faith and Angel about her army,' mentioning that she was glad for the extra muscle they brought.  
  
Angel shifted uncomfortably. Uh, Buffy, I'm just passing through, on my way to San Francisco to pick up something important... I'm kinda needed back in LA.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes. _What, you thought he was here to stay? You should know better than that by now, girl. _She thought she heard Spike mutter something about the not sticking around being typical of his grand-sire.  
  
Ok, how bout you Faith?  
  
I'm here to stay, B, if you need me. The kid, too.  
  
Buffy asked, surprised. She knew the kid wasn't a vamp, so she'd figured he was normal.  
  
Faith chuckled. He fights like his father. Which means I can take him, but still, he's not bad.  
  
Angel objected, realizing the insult to himself.  
  
Just kiddin, broody boy. Faith grinned at Angel playfully. To everyone's surprise, he grinned back.  
  
The gears in Buffy's mind started to turn. _Hmmm... Something there, maybe? _To her surprise, the thought brought no feelings of jealousy.  
  
She continued. Well, with the additions of Faith and Connor, I've decided we can branch out a bit. Xander, if it's cool with you, I'd like you to take a few Scoobies and _please _take several SIT's back to your apartment. Dozens of girls, few bathrooms.... gets pretty ugly in the mornings, Buffy explained to Faith and Angel.  
  
Xander nodded. Can do, Buff. Who do you want me to take?  
  
Buffy thought for a moment. Take Riley when he wakes up. I think he'll be OK, I'll talk to him later. He'll be useful for training the girls, as well as fighting. Faith, you go with Xander too, k? And Anya, you go too. So we have Xander, Riley, Anya, and Faith there, and me, Spike, Willow, Connor, and, of course, Dawn, here. Sound all right?  
  
Everyone nodded, Anya clearly unsure whether she should be upset or not.   
  
Dawn smiled, glad to have been mentioned, just like she was a real Scooby.  
  
Uh, Buff, does it matter which SIT's I take? Xander asked.  
  
Nah. Try to get a mix of the more experienced and the newbies, she responded. A thought occurred to her. She smiled winningly at her friend. Xand? Do me a favor, take Andrew with you?  
  
Xander groaned, but acquiesced, as she knew he would.  
  
Willow spoke up, a bit shyly. Can I request that-  
  
Xander interrupted, knowing what his best friend was going to say. Don't worry Wills, Kennedy stays here.  
  
Willow smiled happily.   
  
Faith butted in. Ooooh, so who's this Kennedy? New boyfriend?  
  
More like potential girlfriend.  
  
Ah, that explains the way you were acting with Fred. Was wondering bout that. Here I thought you were reserved and nerdy. Turns out you're a lesbian witch. Who woulda thunk it.  
  
Faith and Willow both giggled.  
  
Buffy cut the gossip session short. So, we're all clear then. Connor will help Xander with Riley. Anya, you wanna pick a few SIT's to go with you guys? Dawn, help her with that. Wills... go say hi to the potential girlfriend.  
  
Those she'd named left, till only Spike, Buffy, Faith, and Angel remained.   
  
Buffy cleared her throat. _Geez, could cut this tension with an ax...  
  
_ Spike and I are gonna head upstairs. Once he's settled in, Faith, I need to talk to you. Angel, when do you need to leave?  
  
Pretty soon. Tell you what, I'll take Spike upstairs, and you can talk to Faith.  
  
Hey! Sittin' right here, people! I'm fine, I can take care of myself, Spike protested.   
  
Buffy cast an amused glance at his battered body. Right, Spike. She turned to Angel. Why don't you put him in my room, it's the quietest right now.  
  
To her surprise, Angel didn't object. Spike, however, did. No, Buffy, I'm not havin' the poof help me, and I'm not stealin' your bed-  
  
Spike! You need to rest, and get better, fast. Don't know how soon the First'll come up with another Ubervamp to play with. He opened his mouth, but she cut him off. That's final! So... deal!   
  
Buffy took Faith by the arm and hauled her outside.  
  
Angel moved to help Spike.   
  
Get away, you stupid git, I can get up on my own.  
  
After a few seconds of watching Spike struggle, Angel went over and helped him stand up and go to Buffy's room, Spike protesting the whole way.   
  
  
*******************  
A/N: That's it for now! The more you review, the faster the next chapter will be up. Hehe, and that's called bribery...  



	12. Popping like Warm Champagne

Chapter 12: Popping like Warm Champagne  
  
A/N: Wow, a lot of people reviewed! Thank you so much, keep it up! Sorry it took me a few days to get the next chapter up, but I saw the finale last night so I was kinda too upset to write...  
  
Now to respond to the reviews...  
  
_wolf116_- It may be a while before we have serious Spuffy lovin'! Planning on lots of Buffy and Spike interacting though, just not with the lovin'... yet!  
  
_Mistified_- I decided Angel doesn't know about Spike and Buffy. Haven't seen any allusions to his knowing this on the show, so I'm sticking with that. Besides, it's funnier that way.  
  
_Tobert_- Sorry if my chapters are a little short. They're pretty much just however long they turn out to be (if that makes sense). Besides, shorter chapters means faster updates, which is of the good... right?  
  
_LoganAlpha30_- I never really thought about putting Wesley in here. I don't know his character that well. I didn't even know there _was _a Faith/Wesley -ship! I haven't been watching Angel that long, musta missed it.  
  
_Shawthang_- I know the last coupla chapters have been mostly talk, this one is, too. Should be some action coming up, but it's a little hard for me to say. I have the overall plot worked out, but don't have any specifics for this section. But since a lot of this fic centers around the character's interactions and feelings for one another, there might be more talk than you'd like. Hehe, but since you said pretty please' I'll see what I can do ;o)  
  
Thank you so so so much, those of you who reviewed! And to those of you who didn't, well... tsk tsk!   
  
********************** Summary: ***************************  
  
Chapter 1: _Sunrise_: Buffy rescues Spike. It's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day. As she leaves the cave and heads home, Buffy ponders life without Spike.  
  
Chapter 2: _Home Sweet Home_: Buffy returns to her home only to be attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, has convinced them that the real Buffy is the First in corporeal form. Buffy is, naturally, upset that the Potentials and her friends could believe that. The First leaves after a bit of taunting.  
  
Chapter 3: _Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket_: Buffy searches for these things (plus a first aid-kit) so she can go help Spike. She talks with Xander, who tells her that Willow was called to LA. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Chapter 4: _Nightmares and Memories_: Buffy returns to the cave, bag o' supplies in hand, to find Spike having a nightmare, and nearly hurting himself in his thrashing about. She wakes him. Despite his protests, she bandages him and gives him blood.   
Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue). She (finally!) realizes that Willow's spell was only that she and Spike should marry, not that they should be in love. Unfortunately, she says some of this out loud and Spike hears her.  
  
Chapter 5: _Rain Check _: Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First. He agrees. Buffy fills him in on what's been going on while he's been gone. They then fall asleep, side by side (Awww! ;o)  
  
Chapter 6: _A Long Talk in a Damp Cave_: Basically, a big long talk between Buffy and Spike about forgiveness. She says that she needs his forgiveness for what she did to him last year, which of course surprises him. Buffy admits that he did some good things even when soulless, like taking care of Dawn. By now it's sundown, so they set out for home.  
  
Chapter 7: _Coming Home_: Buffy and Spike head home. Halfway there, Spike asks Buffy if she really thinks he can be a better man. She replies that he already is a better man. They arrive home, unexpectedly finding Riley sitting in Buffy's living room.  
  
Chapter 8: _Leading to a Talk: _Spike accuses Buffy of not telling him about Riley, then realizes she really didn't know. Xander offers to help Spike (gasp!). Dawn, Anya, and Andrew leave Riley and Buffy to talk.  
  
Chapter 9: _Catching up with the Ex:_ Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working, so he needs to be staked. She refuses, informing Riley that Spike has a soul. Riley goes to stake Spike. Spike figures out that Sam was turned and Riley had to kill her. Then the three hear Xander scream.  
  
Chapter 10: _Old Friends_: Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted. An insane Riley fights Spike till Buffy rescues him. Spike looks at Angel, says he has a soul. Angel realizes Spike has a soul. Angel vouches for Faith's trustworthiness. Buffy calls a Scooby meeting.  
  
Chapter 11: _Scooby Snacks:_ Willow returns. At the Scooby meeting, General Buffy concludes that, thanks to the extra muscle, they can branch out, send some people over to Xander's. Angel says he's not staying. Buffy decides that Xander will take Riley, Faith, Anya, and Andrew, plus some SIT's. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
*****************************  
  
Buffy leaned against a support on the porch while Faith sprawled on the stairs.  
  
Seeing that Faith didn't seem inclined to speak up first, Buffy said, So, what did you want to talk to me about?  
  
Faith took a deep breath. Look, B- err, Buffy- I know words can't make up for all that I did. But ya gotta know I've really changed. And I am incredibly sorry for what I did. I know there's nothing I can say that will replace the lives I've taken, and I know I don't deserve to be forgiven... But I'm here to help, as much as I can.  
  
To Faith's surprise, Buffy gave a little laugh. At Faith's questioning glance, Buffy said, It's just that Spike said a similar thing about not deserving to be forgiven. And I may as well tell you the same thing I told him. People aren't forgiven because they deserve to be, but because they need to be. Giles once told me that, after I had to kill Angel.  
  
Faith thought about that for a moment. Still... doesn't change the fact that I killed someone. I'm a murderer... I just wanted to say that I know that I can't be one of the gang, and that's cool, I just wanted to let you know I'll do whatever I can.  
  
Buffy chuckled wryly. As far as being a murderer goes, you're hardly alone. Let's see... obviously, Spike and Angel. And Willow-  
  
Faith cut her off. Wait, the computer-geek-turned-lesbian-Wicca is a murderer?  
  
Oh yeah, you didn't hear about the whole Warren thing and trying to end the world?  
  
Nope, jail gossip tended towards slightly different topics.  
  
Right, well, I'll tell you about it some other time if you want. Xander actually ended up averting that apocalypse with a yellow crayon.   
  
Faith gave Buffy a really weird look.  
  
Buffy continued. Anyway, so there's those three. And Anya. And Giles even confessed to having killed a human, though the human he killed lived in the same body as a god who wanted to destroy the world, so, extenuating circumstances there. Hmm... well, Xander cast that dumb singing and dancing spell, which caused some deaths, though he didn't intend that. Oh, and Andrew's a murderer, though he's not really one of the gang.  
  
Faith was staring at her, speechless. She was rarely shocked, but this was an exception.  
  
Faith said slowly. Guess I'm really not alone... Thanks B.  
  
Anytime, F, Buffy said teasingly.  
  
They both remained silent for a moment, reflecting.  
  
Hey B, let's ditch this serious shit and go kick some demon ass.  
  
Buffy paused, thinking. _We probably should take some Potentials for training... nah, screw that!_ _It's Slayer girls' night out.  
  
_Out loud, she responded, Sounds good. Lemme just go tell someone what's up, so they don't freak when we turn up missing.  
  
***  
  
Almost as soon as the two had stepped into the cemetery, they saw seven vamps headed towards them.   
  
Faith rubbed her hands in anticipation as she waited for the vamps. Man, I can't _wait _for a good fight.  
  
Good to have you back, Faith.  
  
By now, the vampires were upon them. Despite how long it'd been, Faith and Buffy still fought well together. Faith took on four, Buffy the other three.   
  
Faith was a whirlwind of action. She fought with an evil grin of glee on her face, punches and kicks flying.  
  
Finally, both Buffy and Faith were faced with one vamp. As Faith toyed with hers, loath to let her first real fight in a long time end, she said, So B, what's with you and the bleached blonde?  
  
What -ow- do you mean?  
  
Oh, I don't know, Faith panted, dodging a blow. Thought I saw some sparkage. Maybe I'm -urgh!- seeing things.  
  
Buffy chose not to answer Faith's question, dusting her vamp and sitting back to watch Faith. What about you and Angel?  
  
Faith threw her opponent against a tree, where he was impaled through the heart by a branch, and turned to dust. she exclaimed at the effect. Oh, right, me and Angel... hey, you first!  
  
Buffy sat on a gravestone, sighing. It's a long story. But right now, we're just friends. Your turn.  
  
Same. Just friends. But I dunno, I think there's a possibility for more... Though the whole no-sex' thing would be a problem... ya know, maybe I just feel attached to him cause he's, like, the only person who never gave up on me. Faith, too, moved to sit on a gravestone, facing her fellow Slayer.  
  
Buffy looked down at this, ashamed. Faith correctly interrupted this gesture, and said, You tried you're damnedest to help me, B, I'm not blamin' ya.  
  
Yeah, that whole sticking a knife in your gut was really for your own good, Buffy quipped.  
  
I didn't really give ya much of a choice... Anyway, back to the boys... this may sound kinda dumb, but do ya think there's something about vampires that slayers are attracted to? Or maybe you and I just have serious mental issues. Faith tried to lighten the tone of things with that last comment. She wasn't good at handling the serious shit,' as she'd put it. But she really wanted to talk about this stuff, and Buffy was the only one who might understand.  
  
Well, I'd have to say a definite yes to the mental issues... But as to the first thing, I don't know... I tried the whole normal boy' thing with Riley, and we all know how that turned out.  
  
Well, no, I don't know exactly... by the way, that's one of those things I wanted to apologize for.  
  
Stealing my body?  
  
Yeah, that. And sleepin' with your boyfriend.  
  
Buffy shrugged. I'm long past that, Faith. I know that was the you of the past. No more body-switching type stuff now.  
  
A sudden thought occurred to Faith, and she giggled. I talked to Spike that night.  
  
  
  
Yeah. This might make you kinda mad, but his facial expressions were pretty damn funny.  
  
Ok, I'll bite... uh, not literally. So what did you say?  
  
Amongst some other stuff, I said, I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more.' Something along those lines.  
  
Buffy burst out laughing. I'd pay to see his face after that!  
  
You're... not mad?  
  
Well, a little, but it's damn funny.  
  
Faith looked at her, surprised.  
  
Buffy shrugged. Well, I guess it's especially funny cause... umm... She flushed bright red. That kinda... happened...  
  
B! You slept with Spike! No way! Faith squealed. _I always knew Buffy had her dark side_. So, this waspost-souling, I assume.  
  
Buffy shook her head. No, this was back when he was soulless. Chipped, but soulless... see, I died.  
  
Faith just nodded. _When you hear a statement like that and don't flinch, you know_ _you're in Sunnydale, _she reflected._  
  
_Buffy thought to herself, _Why am I telling her this? I don't want her to know... _Another voice in her mind spoke up. _Because maybe she's the only person who can possibly understand how you're feeling.  
  
_Buffy took a deep breath, and continued. So, Willow brought me back, cause I died by mystical causes, and she thought I might've been trapped in some sort of hell dimension. Only, I wasn't. I was ... she swallowed. Even now, it was hard to think about.   
  
I was in heaven, Buffy finished quietly. And then I was ripped out of there, and everything was so hard here. When they first brought me back, I thought I was in hell. So, anyway, I turned to Spike for comfort... it... well, he made me feel alive. He was the only one who could, then.  
  
Faith bit her lip, thinking. She had to admit, she was honored Buffy had told her all this, but wasn't certain how to respond.   
  
Well, we're far from normal, so that would kinda explain why the normal boy, and normal relationship' thing didn't work. Faith paused, figuring out what she wanted to say. We're different, B. Maybe we just need guys who are different, too. And vampires sure as hell classify as different. And I can see why you woulda turned to Spike for comfort. He's pretty damn hot, Faith smirked  
  
Buffy giggled, feeling like a normal girl, gossiping about a hot guy. Yeah, I guess he is.  
  
The serious mood quickly fell upon them once again. The two Slayers sat silently for a few minutes, alone with their reflections.   
  
  
****************  
A/N: Hoped you guys liked this chapter! I know there's lots of talk, with little action, but like I said earlier, I decided there's a lotta stuff between the characters that needs to be dealt with.   
  
**Review!**


	13. Sleeping Together

Chapter 13- Sleeping Together  
  
A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update, I've just been really busy lately. Next week is going to be insane for me, so probably no updates then.   
  
Thanks again to those who reviewed!!! I'm glad some people are liking the characters interacting, there's probably gonna be a lot more of that.   
  
Anyway, enjoy, read, and review!  
  
********************** Summary: ***************************  
  
Chapter 1: _Sunrise_: Buffy rescues Spike. It's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day. As she leaves the cave and heads home, Buffy ponders life without Spike.  
  
Chapter 2: _Home Sweet Home_: Buffy returns to her home only to be attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, has convinced them that the real Buffy is the First in corporeal form. Buffy is, naturally, upset that the Potentials and her friends could believe that. The First leaves after a bit of taunting.  
  
Chapter 3: _Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket_: Buffy searches for these things (plus a first aid-kit) so she can go help Spike. She talks with Xander, who tells her that Willow was called to LA. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Chapter 4: _Nightmares and Memories_: Buffy returns to the cave, bag o' supplies in hand, to find Spike having a nightmare, and nearly hurting himself in his thrashing about. She wakes him. Despite his protests, she bandages him and gives him blood.   
Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue). She (finally!) realizes that Willow's spell was only that she and Spike should marry, not that they should be in love. Unfortunately, she says some of this out loud and Spike hears her.  
  
Chapter 5: _Rain Check _: Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First. He agrees. Buffy fills him in on what's been going on while he's been gone. They then fall asleep, side by side (Awww! ;o)  
  
Chapter 6: _A Long Talk in a Damp Cave_: Basically, a big long talk between Buffy and Spike about forgiveness. She says that she needs his forgiveness for what she did to him last year, which of course surprises him. Buffy admits that he did some good things even when soulless, like taking care of Dawn. By now it's sundown, so they set out for home.  
  
Chapter 7: _Coming Home_: Buffy and Spike head home. Halfway there, Spike asks Buffy if she really thinks he can be a better man. She replies that he already is a better man. They arrive home, unexpectedly finding Riley sitting in Buffy's living room.  
  
Chapter 8: _Leading to a Talk: _Spike accuses Buffy of not telling him about Riley, then realizes she really didn't know. Xander offers to help Spike (gasp!). Dawn, Anya, and Andrew leave Riley and Buffy to talk.  
  
Chapter 9: _Catching up with the Ex:_ Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working, so he needs to be staked. She refuses, informing Riley that Spike has a soul. Riley goes to stake Spike. Spike figures out that Sam was turned and Riley had to kill her. Then the three hear Xander scream.  
  
Chapter 10: _Old Friends_: Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted. An insane Riley fights Spike till Buffy rescues him. Spike looks at Angel, says he has a soul. Angel realizes Spike has a soul. Angel vouches for Faith's trustworthiness. Buffy calls a Scooby meeting.  
  
Chapter 11: _Scooby Snacks:_ Willow returns. At the Scooby meeting, General Buffy concludes that, thanks to the extra muscle, they can branch out, send some people over to Xander's. Angel says he's not staying. Buffy decides that Xander will take Riley, Faith, Anya, and Andrew, plus some SIT's. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Chapter 12: _Popping Like Warm Champagne:_ Faith apologizes, saying she knows she can never be forgiven for what she did. Buffy tells her the same thing she told Spike, also listing all of the Scoobies who have killed in the past, but have changed now.   
Faith and Buffy fight some vamps. Faith asks Buffy about Spike, and Buffy asks Faith about Angel. Buffy ends up explaining the whole ripped out of heaven' thing.  
  
*****************************  
  
Buffy walked Faith over to Xander's, and made sure everything was OK (Riley was still out). Wearily, she headed home.  
_  
Mmm... sleep... oh, damn, Spike's in my bed... mmmm... sleeping with Spike... argh! No! Bad Buffy! No sleeping with Spike! _  
  
Her interior monologue continued as she headed towards her room, checking along the way to see if there was anywhere else she could sleep.  
  
_Nope... well... better change into my pajamas first, checkup on the English Undead Patient, then figure out where I'll sleep.  
  
_She opened her door softly, not wanting to wake the sleeping vamp, again hoping she could watch him sleeping peacefully. Instead, she once more found Spike moaning quietly, fighting some nightmare.  
  
Buffy walked quickly towards him, seating herself gently on the edge of the bed. Spike had began settling down as she approached. Almost unintentionally, her hand caressed his face. Spike turned his face into her hand, nuzzling it in his sleep. He was even calmer now, deeply asleep.  
  
Gently withdrawing her hand from his face, she went to change into her pajamas. As she went to the bathroom to get ready for bed, she could her Spike becoming restless again.  
  
_It's not like there's anywhere else to sleep anyways. Besides, I think I have a right to sleep in my own bed! But most importantly, Spike needs to sleep well if he's ever going to heal. _  
  
Telling herself she was doing this for Spike, she headed back to her room. She got in to bed beside him, first making certain the blinds were closed so the vamp wouldn't be burned in the morning.  
  
As Buffy had expected, he'd quieted with her near. But what she didn't expect was him rolling over closer to her.  
  
Feeling his body cuddled up close to hers was almost more than she could handle. As irrational as it was, Buffy felt safe with him near, despite the fact that she was presently the stronger of the two.  
  
Tears fell as she whispered softly, I could get used to this.  
  
Buffy was about to allow herself to drift off into badly needed sleep, when she thought about what she'd just said. Yes, she _could_ get used to this. She probably could allow herself to get emotionally closer to Spike, now that he was souled and sane.   
  
But what would happen if he ever left again?   
  
_If? Try more like when. They all leave... Ok, so maybe Spike wouldn't leave of his own volition, but someday he'd either be captured again or killed... and then where would I be? Where would I be if something happened to any of my friends? Probably I'd go all catatonic, like I did back when Glory took Dawn, and I just can't do that again. Like it or not, I do have an army to lead.  
  
_Buffy was still pondering the dangers of allowing herself to be emotionally attached as she fell asleep.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy awoke early. She'd never been an early riser, to say the least, but she'd come to depend on this time of being alone in a house full of people.   
  
Turning, she saw Spike, still sleeping peacefully. She slipped quietly out of bed and headed to shower. Thankfully, they didn't have too much of a problem with hot water, so she could take a nice, long, scorching shower. She desperately needed the relaxation that gave her to handle the day ahead.  
  
***  
  
Xander and Anya came to the house first thing in the morning, before Xander had to go to work. Xander wanted to ask Buffy what training she had in mind for the potentials. Riley wanted to know, and decided it'd probably be better if he stayed away from Buffy's house for a while.  
  
Xander and Riley had a long talk after Riley awoke. The soldier seemed OK now, but Xander wouldn't trust him near Spike or Buffy.  
  
Anya stayed downstairs, helping Willow make breakfast for the potentials, while Xander went up to get Buffy. Willow had said she was probably asleep. While her friend hated to wake her, he really needed to get to his job.  
  
He knocked on her door quietly, then opened it as he got no response. Xander crept in and leaned over the bed to wake the Slayer. To his shock, Spike lay there, sleeping. _  
  
Oh! _He mentally slapped himself. _Right, I forgot Buffy had Spike sleep in her room... guess I'd better go figure out where she slept.  
  
_He exited Buffy's bedroom. Turning, he nearly bumped into Buffy, swathed in her robe after her shower.  
  
Seeing him, Buffy immediately assumed there was a problem. Xander! What's wrong?  
  
No, nothing's wrong, just needed to talk to you real quick.  
  
Uh, can it wait till I've got some clothes on? Buffy said, indicating her state of undress.  
  
Actually, I kinda gotta get going. Riley just wanted to know specifically what training he was to give the girls.  
  
All right, I'll give him a call. How's he doing? she asked hesitantly  
  
He's... well, he's dealing, I guess. Seems saner than last night. Xander knew he shouldn't ask, but he couldn't resist. Just out of curiosity, where did ya sleep last night, Buff?  
  
She glared at him, knowing why he was asking. In my room. Do you have a problem with that?  
  
You slept with him?! Geez, Buff, I mean, I was trying to be a bit more accepting of the Evil Undead, but you're already back to where you were last year-  
  
Buffy interjected, Yes, I did sleep with him, but-  
  
Having heard her declaration, Xander didn't let her finish. He began ranting and raving, incensed at the thought of his friend sleeping with the bleached vamp.  
  
Buffy tried unsuccessfully to interrupt his torrent of words.  
  
Just as Xander was going on about how disgusting it was that she would do such a thing, a new voice piped up.  
  
Xander, when she said they slept together, she means they slept together. Not that they had sex.  
  
Buffy and Xander swung around to face Anya, who was standing there, hands on her hips.   
  
What- what makes you say that, Ahn?  
  
Oh, just look at Buffy. She's got some serious unrelieved sexual tension going on there. You know, Anya turned to Buffy, I've heard that's really very unhealthy, and a healthy Slayer is a Slayer who can keep me alive so I can have orgasms, that's what I always say, so maybe you should do something about that.  
  
Buffy looked at the ex-demon in amusement. Thanks Anya.  
  
Anytime. I'll just be heading back downstairs now. Oh, Xander, I think this is one a time for one of those apologies you've explained to me about.  
  
Having said her fill, Anya went back downstairs, leaving Xander and Buffy to face off in the hallway.  
  
Xander looked away from his friend, ashamed. Was... was Anya right?  
  
Buffy sighed. Yeah, Xander, she was. But it shouldn't matter even if she wasn't. I've told you before, my life is my life. And Spike is a good man.  
  
Spike blearily stuck his head out her door just in time to catch her declaration. He grinned. Glad you still think so.  
  
Buffy grinned back at him. Hey sleepyhead, wanna clear out of my room so I can get dressed?  
  
Oh, but I wanna watch! Spike mock leered at Buffy.  
  
She swatted at him, laughing. Go get yourself some blood, then make yourself useful and train some of the girls in the basement. I have to go to work, I'll see you later.  
  
Spike nodded his agreement, and moved aside to give the petite blonde room to enter. Her door shut, leaving the two men alone.  
  
Xander looked at Spike. How much of that did you hear?  
  
Most of it. You really have that much of a problem with me, huh. Know somethin', Whelp? I don't care. But Buffy doesn't need your shit.  
  
Xander nodded, accepting the vamp's words. Yeah, I know... and I am trying to be OK with you, for her sake. But it's hard. I've got quite a habit of hating you. Sorry.  
  
Spike looked at the boy in surprise. First Buffy apologized to him, then Xander. He was afraid something so unnatural really must herald the end of the world.   
  
He continued to be surprised as Xander added, Maybe we could talk. Later. About.... I don't know, stuff.  
  
Spike agreed, and Xander headed off, thankful to be away from the complicated house on Revello Drive.


	14. Leave it to a Former Vengeance Demon

Chapter 14- Leave it to a Former Vengeance Demon  
  
A/N: Thank you so much to those who reviewed! Your reviews really really really make me want to write more, faster... so I can get more reviews! Man, I'm such a review-pig. Uh... anyway, read, enjoy, and review!  
  
_Mistified_- glad you like the Xander/Spike dialogue. Though I'm mystified' (hehe, sorry, couldn't resist)- what do you mean you're confused about what's going on between Dawn and Connor? They haven't talked yet, unless I'm forgetting something.  
  
********************** Summary: ***************************  
  
Chapter 1: _Sunrise_: Buffy rescues Spike. It's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day. As she leaves the cave and heads home, Buffy ponders life without Spike.  
  
Chapter 2: _Home Sweet Home_: Buffy returns to her home only to be attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, has convinced them that the real Buffy is the First in corporeal form. Buffy is, naturally, upset that the Potentials and her friends could believe that. The First leaves after a bit of taunting.  
  
Chapter 3: _Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket_: Buffy searches for these things (plus a first aid-kit) so she can go help Spike. She talks with Xander, who tells her that Willow was called to LA. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Chapter 4: _Nightmares and Memories_: Buffy returns to the cave, bag o' supplies in hand, to find Spike having a nightmare, and nearly hurting himself in his thrashing about. She wakes him. Despite his protests, she bandages him and gives him blood.   
Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue). She (finally!) realizes that Willow's spell was only that she and Spike should marry, not that they should be in love. Unfortunately, she says some of this out loud and Spike hears her.  
  
Chapter 5: _Rain Check _: Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First. He agrees. Buffy fills him in on what's been going on while he's been gone. They then fall asleep, side by side (Awww! ;o)  
  
Chapter 6: _A Long Talk in a Damp Cave_: Basically, a big long talk between Buffy and Spike about forgiveness. She says that she needs his forgiveness for what she did to him last year, which of course surprises him. Buffy admits that he did some good things even when soulless, like taking care of Dawn. By now it's sundown, so they set out for home.  
  
Chapter 7: _Coming Home_: Buffy and Spike head home. Halfway there, Spike asks Buffy if she really thinks he can be a better man. She replies that he already is a better man. They arrive home, unexpectedly finding Riley sitting in Buffy's living room.  
  
Chapter 8: _Leading to a Talk: _Spike accuses Buffy of not telling him about Riley, then realizes she really didn't know. Xander offers to help Spike (gasp!). Dawn, Anya, and Andrew leave Riley and Buffy to talk.  
  
Chapter 9: _Catching up with the Ex:_ Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working, so he needs to be staked. She refuses, informing Riley that Spike has a soul. Riley goes to stake Spike. Spike figures out that Sam was turned and Riley had to kill her. Then the three hear Xander scream.  
  
Chapter 10: _Old Friends_: Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted. An insane Riley fights Spike till Buffy rescues him. Spike looks at Angel, says he has a soul. Angel realizes Spike has a soul. Angel vouches for Faith's trustworthiness. Buffy calls a Scooby meeting.  
  
Chapter 11: _Scooby Snacks:_ Willow returns. At the Scooby meeting, General Buffy concludes that, thanks to the extra muscle, they can branch out, send some people over to Xander's. Angel says he's not staying. Buffy decides that Xander will take Riley, Faith, Anya, and Andrew, plus some SIT's. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Chapter 12: _Popping Like Warm Champagne:_ Faith apologizes, saying she knows she can never be forgiven for what she did. Buffy tells her the same thing she told Spike, also listing all of the Scoobies who have killed in the past, but have changed now.   
Faith and Buffy fight some vamps. Faith asks Buffy about Spike, and Buffy asks Faith about Angel. Buffy ends up explaining the whole ripped out of heaven' thing.  
  
Chapter 13:_ Sleeping Together:_ Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side, in her bed. Xander comes in the morning, and goes off on her for sleeping with Spike. Anya informs him that they slept together, but didn't have sex together. Xander sheepishly asks Spike if they can talk later._  
_*****************************  
  
Xander arrived home from a long day of construction, exhausted, and not looking forward to his talk with Spike. He'd just stopped home to check on things before heading over to Buffy's house. As much as he hated the thought of actually talking in a civilized manner to Spike, he wanted to get it over with.  
  
Walking in, he found his apartment surprisingly quiet. Figuring everyone was out, he muttered sarcastically, Honey, I'm home.  
  
Not expecting any reply, he was startled when a voice said, Don't call me honey.  
  
Anya stepped around the corner.  
  
Ahn! What are you doing here?  
  
Buffy sent me over a few days ago. Did you forget about me that quickly? Anya snapped.  
  
What! No, I just figured everyone was out... where are they, anyway?  
  
Out. They were going to go hang out at a park, then after sundown to a cemetery. Are you going patrolling with them?  
  
Don't think I can. I have to.. ugh.. go talk to Evil Undead Boy. Xander grimaced.  
  
Xander, what is your problem with Spike?  
  
Well, the fact that he's an evil demon might have something to do with it!  
  
Anya rolled her eyes. He has a soul, remember? Not evil, now. Actually, not really evil for a while now.  
  
Xander remained stubborn. Yeah, but he _was _an evil demon... he trailed off, remembering that his ex-fiancée was also formerly an evil demon. He cleared his throat. And he slept with you-  
  
That was consensual. It was a mistake, yeah, but we were both hurting, so we had sex. Get over it.  
  
Xander winced. Fine, well, I don't like what he did to Buffy. I don't think you know about it-  
  
The attempted rape? I heard something about it.  
  
_(A/N: I don't know if Anya was told, but let's pretend she knew)_  
  
Well, doesn't that give me some reason to hate the bastard? He tried to rape Buffy!  
  
Anya was starting to lose her temper. Yeah, he did. But know something? I got the feeling she didn't treat him too well, either. And, most importantly, if there's one thing I learned in over a millennium of avenging the wrongs done to women, it's that the main thing isn't just what the guy does, but how it affects the woman involved. I think Buffy recovered just fine from the attempted rape. After all, she knew he was a soulless demon. Plus, Spike felt so bad that he went and got a soul, which let me tell you, is not an easy decision for a demon to make!   
However, when a human being- one who _supposedly_ has a soul, and is good- stands a woman up on her wedding day, the most important day of her life, one she'd been planning for a long time, well... considering what that did to her, I'd say that's worse than what Spike did to Buffy.  
  
Anya whirled around and went into a bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Xander stared after her, slack-jawed.  
  
***  
A/N: I realize this was ridiculously short! I really posted this more so I could tell you that I'm really busy right now, and I'm about to leave till next Wednesday, so it'll be a while before I update again. Sorry! Don't hate me! Review!!


	15. Too Close to Home

Chapter 15- Too Close to Home  
  
A/N: Once again, thanks to those who reviewed! Those few words really mean a lot to me.  
I'm sooo sorry it took me so long to update. While I know (at least mostly) where this is going, I'm having trouble deciding how to get there. I've actually written several chapters, only to decide I need to write something else first.  
  
Chris, thanks, you made a good point... though I don't think Rack was human. Anyone know? Hmmm...   
  
********************** Summary: ***************************  
  
Chapter 1: _Sunrise_: Buffy rescues Spike. It's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day. As she leaves the cave and heads home, Buffy ponders life without Spike.  
  
Chapter 2: _Home Sweet Home_: Buffy returns to her home only to be attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, has convinced them that the real Buffy is the First in corporeal form. Buffy is, naturally, upset that the Potentials and her friends could believe that. The First leaves after a bit of taunting.  
  
Chapter 3: _Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket_: Buffy searches for these things (plus a first aid-kit) so she can go help Spike. She talks with Xander, who tells her that Willow was called to LA. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Chapter 4: _Nightmares and Memories_: Buffy returns to the cave, bag o' supplies in hand, to find Spike having a nightmare, and nearly hurting himself in his thrashing about. She wakes him. Despite his protests, she bandages him and gives him blood.   
Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue). She (finally!) realizes that Willow's spell was only that she and Spike should marry, not that they should be in love. Unfortunately, she says some of this out loud and Spike hears her.  
  
Chapter 5: _Rain Check _: Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First. He agrees. Buffy fills him in on what's been going on while he's been gone. They then fall asleep, side by side (Awww! ;o)  
  
Chapter 6: _A Long Talk in a Damp Cave_: Basically, a big long talk between Buffy and Spike about forgiveness. She says that she needs his forgiveness for what she did to him last year, which of course surprises him. Buffy admits that he did some good things even when soulless, like taking care of Dawn. By now it's sundown, so they set out for home.  
  
Chapter 7: _Coming Home_: Buffy and Spike head home. Halfway there, Spike asks Buffy if she really thinks he can be a better man. She replies that he already is a better man. They arrive home, unexpectedly finding Riley sitting in Buffy's living room.  
  
Chapter 8: _Leading to a Talk: _Spike accuses Buffy of not telling him about Riley, then realizes she really didn't know. Xander offers to help Spike (gasp!). Dawn, Anya, and Andrew leave Riley and Buffy to talk.  
  
Chapter 9: _Catching up with the Ex:_ Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working, so he needs to be staked. She refuses, informing Riley that Spike has a soul. Riley goes to stake Spike. Spike figures out that Sam was turned and Riley had to kill her. Then the three hear Xander scream.  
  
Chapter 10: _Old Friends_: Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted. An insane Riley fights Spike till Buffy rescues him. Spike looks at Angel, says he has a soul. Angel realizes Spike has a soul. Angel vouches for Faith's trustworthiness. Buffy calls a Scooby meeting.  
  
Chapter 11: _Scooby Snacks:_ Willow returns. At the Scooby meeting, General Buffy concludes that, thanks to the extra muscle, they can branch out, send some people over to Xander's. Angel says he's not staying. Buffy decides that Xander will take Riley, Faith, Anya, and Andrew, plus some SIT's. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Chapter 12: _Popping Like Warm Champagne:_ Faith apologizes, saying she knows she can never be forgiven for what she did. Buffy tells her the same thing she told Spike, also listing all of the Scoobies who have killed in the past, but have changed now.   
Faith and Buffy fight some vamps. Faith asks Buffy about Spike, and Buffy asks Faith about Angel. Buffy ends up explaining the whole ripped out of heaven' thing, as well as her former relationship with Spike.  
  
Chapter 13:_ Sleeping Together:_ Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side, in her bed. Xander comes in the morning, and goes off on her for sleeping with Spike. Anya informs him that they slept together, but didn't have sex together. Xander sheepishly asks Spike if they can talk later.  
  
Chapter 14: _Leave it to a Former Vengeance Demon:_ Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.  
*****************************  
  
Buffy slammed the door behind her and heaved an exaggerated sigh. Once again, she bitterly thought, _Home, sweet home._ After the day she'd just had, all she wanted to do was rest and relax in the silence, maybe take a bubble bath, and then sleep for several days straight. But could she? Nope.   
  
_Stupid responsibilities,_ she grumbled silently. With a shake of her head, she forced herself to think about all the things she needed to do.   
  
She walked into the kitchen to find the Potentials (plus Dawn) sitting around, eating, gossiping, and making a mess.   
  
They quieted down as they saw the Slayer. Her sister stood up to greet her. Hey Buffy, whatcha doin' home so late?  
  
Buffy groaned. Principal Wood. Wanted to talk to me. Man, that guy's weird. Either he's evil, or insane, or... or something. She abruptly changed the subject, not wishing to discuss her weird meeting with the Principal. So what did you girls do today? Buffy asked, turning to the Potentials.  
  
Kennedy (whom Buffy had already discovered tended to be rather bossy and take-chargey) spoke up. We trained for a while with Spike, but he's still pretty beat up from the First torturing him.  
  
The girls shifted uncomfortably. Buffy couldn't decide whether this was due to the fact that Spike was an incredibly strong, formerly evil, vampire- or the reminder that the First had beaten up this inhumanly strong being.  
  
All right, well, you girls up for some real fighting tonight?  
  
Buffy was hoping for a rousing chorus of yes'es; instead, she got a few murmured yeah's, a couple really quiet no's' and a loud I'm ready,' from Kennedy.  
  
_Great. Just great. Girls who could (potentially) have to save the world are a bunch of wimps. Well, Kennedy's not a wimp, just overconfident. Maybe Willow can keep her ego under control. Speaking of which...  
_  
Hey, where's Willow?  
  
Dawn replied, I think she and Connor are talking somewhere about some of his experiences or something.  
  
The girls giggled at the mention of Connor's name. Buffy personally didn't see the appeal, but then again, maybe she was just weirded out by the fact that she had dated his father.  
  
Dawn added, I think Spike's downstairs.  
  
Buffy nodded her thanks and headed down after admonishing the girls to clean up after themselves, and reminding Dawn to do her homework. _Poor Dawn... having her house invaded, dealing with high school on the Hellmouth, an apocalypse... _  
  
She sighed. Thinking of the high school had reminded her of a girl she'd dealt with today. The girl's problems had struck a little too close to home. The girl, Amy, had lost several people she'd loved. About a year ago she lost her parents, whom she'd been very close to, and had to move in with her grandmother.  
  
After her parent's deaths, she became incredibly dependent on her boyfriend Ron, in an unhealthy way. From what Buffy heard, Ron was an OK guy, and really did love Amy. However, he encouraged her dependence on him rather than urging her to seek therapy since he didn't want to lose her.   
  
How their slightly twisted relationship would have ended was a mystery, never to be solved. Ron had gotten drunk one night, and drove smack into a train.   
  
Amy had been very bright, getting very good grades and participating in many extra-curriculars. After her parents died, she cut back on the extra-curriculars, but still managed to keep up her grades. She'd been hoping for a scholarship to U.C. Sunnydale.   
  
But since Ron's death two months ago, Amy had all but dropped out of life. Her grandmother had managed to get her to go to school occasionally, but she did no work. She was about as close to being in a catatonic state as you can get without actually being in one. She moved, she ate, she breathed, but she didn't live.  
  
Not surprisingly, Buffy had been unable to reach her. But Amy's case had given the school counselor much to think about. She'd lost her dad, Angel, Riley, her mom, and Tara. She'd survived most of those with the help and support of her friends. When she'd killed Angel, she dealt with it by going to hell, but had crossed out that method of recovery for the future.   
  
The time she'd thought she'd lost Dawn, she'd shut down so completely that Willow had to enter her mind and find her.   
  
With this new apocalypse shaping up to be the worst yet, she knew she might lose more of her friends. Yet she also knew that she, as General Buffy, could not afford to shut down or run away again.  
  
So in the free time she had between talking to students, Buffy thought. She thought about the past, she thought about her friends, family, and lovers she'd lost, she thought about the future, she thought about it all.   
  
After all her thinking, she came to one simple conclusion: she couldn't allow herself to be emotionally close with anyone. It was a thought that had occurred to her the night before with Spike. It had felt way too good to sleep at his side. She decided he was going to sleep in the basement from now on.  
  
And it looked like perhaps he'd already anticipated her request. He understood her like no other. It was really quite nice, having someone around who understood her- _No! Not nice. Thinking Spike's understanding me is nice leads to bad, emotional stuff. So, no, not nice. Huh-uh. Nope. I don't want to be understood... _  
  
Her silent, internal diatribe against herself continued as she made her way down the stairs, towards the vampire who understood her- which was totally _not _a good thing...  
  
  
***  
A/N: Sorry this is so short and un-interesting. Look for more talk and little action in the near future (sorry for those of you who enjoy the action part, but I'm better at writing the talking stuff I guess!). Anyway, more soon, I promise!


	16. Explaining Without Emotion

Chapter 16: Explaining Without Emotion  
  
********************** Summary: ***************************  
  
Chapter 1: _Sunrise_: Buffy rescues Spike. It's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day. As she leaves the cave and heads home, Buffy ponders life without Spike.  
  
Chapter 2: _Home Sweet Home_: Buffy returns to her home only to be attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, has convinced them that the real Buffy is the First in corporeal form. Buffy is, naturally, upset that the Potentials and her friends could believe that. The First leaves after a bit of taunting.  
  
Chapter 3: _Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket_: Buffy searches for these things (plus a first aid-kit) so she can go help Spike. She talks with Xander, who tells her that Willow was called to LA. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Chapter 4: _Nightmares and Memories_: Buffy returns to the cave, bag o' supplies in hand, to find Spike having a nightmare, and nearly hurting himself in his thrashing about. She wakes him. Despite his protests, she bandages him and gives him blood.   
Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue). She (finally!) realizes that Willow's spell was only that she and Spike should marry, not that they should be in love. Unfortunately, she says some of this out loud and Spike hears her.  
  
Chapter 5: _Rain Check _: Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First. He agrees. Buffy fills him in on what's been going on while he's been gone. They then fall asleep, side by side (Awww! ;o)  
  
Chapter 6: _A Long Talk in a Damp Cave_: Basically, a big long talk between Buffy and Spike about forgiveness. She says that she needs his forgiveness for what she did to him last year, which of course surprises him. Buffy admits that he did some good things even when soulless, like taking care of Dawn. By now it's sundown, so they set out for home.  
  
Chapter 7: _Coming Home_: Buffy and Spike head home. Halfway there, Spike asks Buffy if she really thinks he can be a better man. She replies that he already is a better man. They arrive home, unexpectedly finding Riley sitting in Buffy's living room.  
  
Chapter 8: _Leading to a Talk: _Spike accuses Buffy of not telling him about Riley, then realizes she really didn't know. Xander offers to help Spike (gasp!). Dawn, Anya, and Andrew leave Riley and Buffy to talk.  
  
Chapter 9: _Catching up with the Ex:_ Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working, so he needs to be staked. She refuses, informing Riley that Spike has a soul. Riley goes to stake Spike. Spike figures out that Sam was turned and Riley had to kill her. Then the three hear Xander scream.  
  
Chapter 10: _Old Friends_: Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted. An insane Riley fights Spike till Buffy rescues him. Spike looks at Angel, says he has a soul. Angel realizes Spike has a soul. Angel vouches for Faith's trustworthiness. Buffy calls a Scooby meeting.  
  
Chapter 11: _Scooby Snacks:_ Willow returns. At the Scooby meeting, General Buffy concludes that, thanks to the extra muscle, they can branch out, send some people over to Xander's. Angel says he's not staying. Buffy decides that Xander will take Riley, Faith, Anya, and Andrew, plus some SIT's. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Chapter 12: _Popping Like Warm Champagne:_ Faith apologizes, saying she knows she can never be forgiven for what she did. Buffy tells her the same thing she told Spike, also listing all of the Scoobies who have killed in the past, but have changed now.   
Faith and Buffy fight some vamps. Faith asks Buffy about Spike, and Buffy asks Faith about Angel. Buffy ends up explaining the whole ripped out of heaven' thing, as well as her former relationship with Spike.  
  
Chapter 13:_ Sleeping Together:_ Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side, in her bed. Xander comes in the morning, and goes off on her for sleeping with Spike. Anya informs him that they slept together, but didn't have sex together. Xander sheepishly asks Spike if they can talk later.  
  
Chapter 14: _Leave it to a Former Vengeance Demon:_ Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.  
  
Chapter 15: _Too Close to Home_: Buffy arrives home after a hard day of counseling. One case she dealt with caused her to decide that she couldn't be emotionally close to anyone again, for fear of her shutting down if they got killed. She headed down to see Spike.  
  
****  
A/N: Sorry about that last chapter not being very good. Hopefully this one is slightly more interesting. Please R&R!  
  
***  
  
Spike felt her before he heard or saw her. He'd told the girls he would tidy up after their training session, but mostly he just wanted to rest without anyone seeing how hurt he was.   
  
When Buffy came down, he sat up on the cot he'd found earlier.  
  
The bleached vamp greeted her curiously. Hey Slayer, what's up?  
  
Clearly she'd been deep in her own thoughts and was startled by the sound of his voice.  
  
Huh? Oh. Hey Spike. Uh, nothing's up, just thought we should talk... you know, about the girls training session and stuff.  
  
Spike got the sense that the Potentials weren't really what the Slayer wanted to talk about, but he knew better than to argue.   
  
Right, well, then... Spike proceeded to tell her about the training session. While training young girls wasn't really something at which he was experienced, fighting certainly was. He felt he'd been able to teach the girls a thing or two, and actually felt proud when one of them got a move he'd shown her. _You're gettin' to be another soddin' poofter_, he berated himself. _Stupid soul.  
  
_Buffy did try and listen to what Spike was saying, though at first she was a bit distracted by her own thoughts. Soon though, she started really listening and realized, _Spike actually enjoyed this! He _liked_ teaching the girls. Weird._  
  
When he'd finished, she remained silent for a moment.  
  
All right then. I'm taking the girls out patrolling tonight. I'll bring along Connor, see if he really can fight.  
  
I offered to ave him train with us, but I think he needed to be away from the gals for a bit. I can certainly understand that.  
  
Buffy's first instinct was to say something along the lines of, Aww, are _human_ girls about a hundred years younger than you too much for you to handle?' But she resisted. She wanted to keep this business-like. No personal stuff. No teasing... no fun allowed... she sighed...  
  
Spike continued, a bit surprised Buffy hadn't taken the opening he realized he'd given her with his last words. So, what time do we leave for patrol?  
  
Buffy shook her head. You're not going.  
  
I'm- wha'? I'm not goin'?  
  
No. You're still hurt.  
  
Spike got defensive. What makes you think that?  
  
First of all, I can tell, cause... I can just tell. Buffy paused briefly, realizing that sometimes she understood Spike, too - and not just physically. Determined to ignore all thoughts along those lines, she resumed. Also, one of the Potentials said she thought you were hurt.  
  
Spike groaned. So one of the girls had noticed, eh? Oh well. _There goes my Big, Bad, Evil and Scary image._ Lemme guess. Was it that chit, Kennedy?  
  
Uh, yeah, how'd you know?  
  
He shrugged. Just figured. Kinda a nosy gal. Good fighter, but overconfident. Might want to do something about that. Maybe Willow could help with that, I noticed the two of them are gettin' pretty close. I hope Red's movin' on... not that I didn't like Glinda...   
  
Buffy stopped listening at this point while he nattered on for a bit. She closed her eyes briefly. _Damn! Exactly what I was thinking... that's not fair! He shouldn't.... _She wasn't able to end that thought, since she didn't know what he shouldn't' do. Shouldn't have the same insights and thoughts as she did?_  
  
_...I'll never forget when I hit her that one time cause she thought she was a demon... Spike realized Buffy wasn't listening. Uh, Slayer? You in there?  
  
Her eyes snapped open. What? Oh! Yeah, I was listening... and that reminds me... about your chip...  
  
_Uh-oh._ What _about_ my chip?  
  
She took a deep breath. Riley said... the chip was only meant to be temporary, since it was so experimental... the Initiative had planned on replacing it later on.  
  
So you're tellin' me, what, tha' my chip may not be workin' any more?  
  
Buffy nodded.  
  
Spike swallowed. _I guess that's that. Used up more than my fair share of time on this Earth. _Gonna put me down now?  
  
Buffy exclaimed. _He thought I was going to put him down' like some dog?_ I didn't let Riley kill you, and if I was going to do it, I would have already done it. No, Spike, I am not going to put you down,' I wouldn't kill a soiled being. I just thought you should know, all right?  
  
He winced. Buffy sounded pretty pissed, and he had to admit she had a point. He didn't know why exactly he'd said that, except that for so long, during the time post-chip but pre-soul, he'd known that the chip was all that was keeping Buffy from killing him. She would never kill a harmless' being.   
  
Except he hadn't needed to be harmless. He could have gone with Drusilla, could have gotten minions to kill for him. But he hadn't. Shouldn't that have counted for something?   
  
He shook off his pointless pondering.  
  
Uh, yeah, thanks for tellin' me an' all...  
  
Yeah, ya know, in case any evil humans come around. Like Ethan Rayne. I think the army put him away for good, but if he comes back, you're free to hurt him. Ugh, just thinking of that chocolate bar incident... I can still picture my mom and Giles... and the time he turned Giles into a demon, and... Buffy trailed off, realizing she was babbling. _Bad Buffy! Back to business.  
  
_Spike was staring blankly at her. Uh... your mum and Giles?  
  
Never mind, Buffy said hastily. Anyway, so, I just wanted to tell you about the chip. So, I'll just, um, be going. Upstairs. For patrolling. Ok, bye- She stood up to leave, but stopped as Spike grasped her arm.  
  
Buffy, wait. There are some things I've been thinkin' about... and worryin' about... maybe you ought keep me locked up again, in case the First ever gets into my brain again... in fact, maybe I should just leave...  
  
Despite all of Buffy's attempts to keep herself unemotional, this last statement really hit her hard. _They all leave.... _  
  
Her vehement shout surprised them both. She continued, more quietly. I just mean, no. I don't think the First can get in to your head again.  
  
Spike cocked his head at her curiously. What makes you think that?  
  
Buffy said, stalling for time as she tried to think up a reason for why she'd said that. Honestly, she didn't know why... Um, because you told me that the First was tryin' to get you to join its side, in the cave, right?  
  
He nodded.  
  
She continued. The way I see it is, why would the First have had to do that if it could just control you? Plus, I know you can fight it off, like you did in that basement... especially now that you're all, ya know, sane and stuff.  
  
Couldn't stop myself from biting Andrew.  
  
Yeah, well, can't blame ya for that one, Buffy joked. _Argh, no joking allowed, _she reminded herself. Seriously, if the First could still control you, why wouldn't it have had you kill me last night? Besides, I think you can fight it. Just lemme know if you start seein' or hearin' weird things, k?  
  
Will do.  
  
Buffy got up to leave once more. As she headed up the stairs, Spike's voice once more stopped her.  
  
It... it means a lot to me that you believe in me. That I can fight it, I mean. Thanks.  
  
She felt a rush of emotion at his heartfelt words. Meaning so much to someone was scary, but at the same time gave her a great feeling of confidence.... _No. No no no no no. Doesn't mean anything. _  
  
Buffy turned away silently, her face empty.  
  
***  
A/N: Please review!


	17. Spike and Scoobies

Chapter 17: Spike and Scoobies  
  
********************** Summary: ***************************  
  
Chapter 1: _Sunrise_: Buffy rescues Spike. It's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day. As she leaves the cave and heads home, Buffy ponders life without Spike.  
  
Chapter 2: _Home Sweet Home_: Buffy returns to her home only to be attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, has convinced them that the real Buffy is the First in corporeal form. Buffy is, naturally, upset that the Potentials and her friends could believe that. The First leaves after a bit of taunting.  
  
Chapter 3: _Wheatabix, Blood and a Blanket_: Buffy searches for these things (plus a first aid-kit) so she can go help Spike. She talks with Xander, who tells her that Willow was called to LA. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Chapter 4: _Nightmares and Memories_: Buffy returns to the cave, bag o' supplies in hand, to find Spike having a nightmare, and nearly hurting himself in his thrashing about. She wakes him. Despite his protests, she bandages him and gives him blood.   
Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue). She (finally!) realizes that Willow's spell was only that she and Spike should marry, not that they should be in love. Unfortunately, she says some of this out loud and Spike hears her.  
  
Chapter 5: _Rain Check _: Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First. He agrees. Buffy fills him in on what's been going on while he's been gone. They then fall asleep, side by side (Awww! ;o)  
  
Chapter 6: _A Long Talk in a Damp Cave_: Basically, a big long talk between Buffy and Spike about forgiveness. She says that she needs his forgiveness for what she did to him last year, which of course surprises him. Buffy admits that he did some good things even when soulless, like taking care of Dawn. By now it's sundown, so they set out for home.  
  
Chapter 7: _Coming Home_: Buffy and Spike head home. Halfway there, Spike asks Buffy if she really thinks he can be a better man. She replies that he already is a better man. They arrive home, unexpectedly finding Riley sitting in Buffy's living room.  
  
Chapter 8: _Leading to a Talk: _Spike accuses Buffy of not telling him about Riley, then realizes she really didn't know. Xander offers to help Spike (gasp!). Dawn, Anya, and Andrew leave Riley and Buffy to talk.  
  
Chapter 9: _Catching up with the Ex:_ Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working, so he needs to be staked. She refuses, informing Riley that Spike has a soul. Riley goes to stake Spike. Spike figures out that Sam was turned and Riley had to kill her. Then the three hear Xander scream.  
  
Chapter 10: _Old Friends_: Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted. An insane Riley fights Spike till Buffy rescues him. Spike looks at Angel, says he has a soul. Angel realizes Spike has a soul. Angel vouches for Faith's trustworthiness. Buffy calls a Scooby meeting.  
  
Chapter 11: _Scooby Snacks:_ Willow returns. At the Scooby meeting, General Buffy concludes that, thanks to the extra muscle, they can branch out, send some people over to Xander's. Angel says he's not staying. Buffy decides that Xander will take Riley, Faith, Anya, and Andrew, plus some SIT's. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Chapter 12: _Popping Like Warm Champagne:_ Faith apologizes, saying she knows she can never be forgiven for what she did. Buffy tells her the same thing she told Spike, also listing all of the Scoobies who have killed in the past, but have changed now.   
Faith and Buffy fight some vamps. Faith asks Buffy about Spike, and Buffy asks Faith about Angel. Buffy ends up explaining the whole ripped out of heaven' thing, as well as her former relationship with Spike.  
  
Chapter 13:_ Sleeping Together:_ Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side, in her bed. Xander comes in the morning, and goes off on her for sleeping with Spike. Anya informs him that they slept together, but didn't have sex together. Xander sheepishly asks Spike if they can talk later.  
  
Chapter 14: _Leave it to a Former Vengeance Demon:_ Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.  
  
Chapter 15: _Too Close to Home_: Buffy arrives home after a hard day of counseling. One case she dealt with caused her to decide that she couldn't be emotionally close to anyone again, for fear of her shutting down if they got killed. She headed down to see Spike.  
  
Chapter 16: _Explaining Without Emotion: _Spike tells Buffy about training the S.I.T.'s. Buffy explains that Spike's chip may not be working, and they discuss the possibility the First being able to control him again. The whole time, Buffy struggles to contain her emotions.  
  
****  
  
A/N: ~ ~ ~ indicates a flashback. Read, enjoy, and review!!  
  
***  
  
_Two weeks later.... _  
  
Dawn lay sprawled on her bed, reading the latest _YM_ magazine, enjoying the silence. The Potentials were out, along with Buffy, Connor, and Willow. Due to a sprained ankle she'd received the day before while fighting, Dawn had remained home.   
  
She knew Spike was around somewhere, since he was recuperating from being stabbed in the stomach while trying to protect one of the Potentials a few nights earlier, but she figured he wouldn't bother her. They hadn't talked since... since he'd tried to do... that.... to her sister.... Dawn halted that train of thought. She was determined to just enjoy her solitude and not think serious thoughts.  
  
Instead, she set down her magazine and began daydreaming about Connor, her latest crush.   
  
Of course, his father was a vampire with a soul, and his mother was a vampire who had been staked, then brought back as human, then staked again. Or something; Dawn only knew what little she did from eavesdropping, as usual. And his father was her sister's ex-boyfriend, whom her sister had had to kill and send to hell to save the world. Plus, Connor had grown up in another dimension with a man who'd taught him to hate his real father... but hey, she had originally been a big ball of energy, put into human form by a coupla monks a few years ago, a hell god had bled her to end the world, and then her sister had died to save it... So they'd be a couple of freaks on the Hellmouth. Nothing new there.  
  
***  
  
Spike paused outside her door. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He'd made up with Xander and Giles, but had yet to do so with Dawn.  
  
He and Xander had talked, really talked, for the first time ever. _The Whelp wasn't too bad, once you got to know him_, Spike mused. Xander had explained all about his conversation with Anya, which hadn't been easy for him. He'd also said some other surprising things.   
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Spike sat on his cot in the basement, smoking, while Xander paced. And another thing. See, I realized part of the reason I hated Angel so much back in high school was cause Buffy loved him.  
  
Spike flinched at this, but reluctantly had to admit it was true, though he hoped Xander wasn't going to dwell on that point.  
  
And, see, back then I... I kinda sorta had a really big crush on her. So I think some of my hatred towards Angel was just jealousy, ya know? Then came the whole Angelus' deal, and I felt vindicated in my hatred of Angel, only Angel and Angelus were really different people and... say, why aren't you really different now? I mean, now that you're sane and all, you're still, well, pretty much the same ol' Spike.  
  
Xander paused, waiting for a response. Spike merely shrugged, since he didn't fully understand, either. Xander continued on with his ramblings.  
  
Ok, so anyway, I think that's where a lot of the hate towards Angel came from. And you're a vampire, too, so I guess somehow it just seemed natural to hate you. And then I hated you cause you tried to kill us, but then I realized that Willow n Buffy n Faith have tried to kill us, too, and I've forgiven them all... Though bein' around Faith is still a little weird. Ummm... where was I?  
  
Again, Spike remained silent, since he wasn't really sure himself where the boy had been. Xander eventually figured out what he was trying to say.  
  
I think my point is that my hatred towards Angel -which kinda got transferred to you- was pretty irrational, and that all of my reasons for hating you were kinda quashed by Anya so, well, I don't hate you anymore.  
  
Spike blinked. _What the bloody hell does he expect me to say to that?_ But apparently Xander wasn't finished.  
  
I don't really like the idea of you and Buffy, you know, being together... but I'm all for what'll make her happy. Just ... do you truly love her?  
  
Yeah, I do. I know how wrong I was to try and... force her, but... I knew that and, well, I got this bleedin' soul for her, didn't I?  
  
Would you ever hurt her again?  
  
Spike stated emphatically.   
  
Ok, then. I think we're good.  
  
After a bit of small talk, Xander departed. He and Spike had remained on good terms since. They would never admit to being friends, and in fact they still snapped at each other as they always had. However, now their comebacks were really just for their amusement, and both privately conceded that the other was pretty funny.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Spike had even come to a truce of sorts with the Watcher, once he'd returned. Of course, Giles had insisted hearing all about getting his soul, which was not a pleasant story to tell. The Watcher also wanted to hear about torture at the hands of the First, including every bloody thing she'd ever said or had done to him. He'd even had Spike take off his shirt so he could sketch out the scars the vampire still had from the ritual bloodletting.  
  
Spike had spent a long time trying to figure out the Watcher's change in demeanor towards him. Finally though, he figured the Watcher had a similar set of ideas as Buffy: soul=good, no soul=bad. From what Spike had heard, while he hadn't been happy about it, Giles hadn't objected too heavily to Buffy's relationship with Angel, and had even been able to get along with Angel after the time where he'd once again been Angelus and killed Giles' girlfriend.   
  
Obviously, Giles thought the soul made Spike a completely different person, one absolved from everything he'd done while soulless. Spike himself didn't see things that way, but decided not to argue.  
  
***  
  
Dawn was shaken out of her thoughts by a soft knocking at her door. She gave an exaggerated sigh. Having her door closed, and her room to herself, was such a privilege these days.   
  
Still, she reluctantly called out, Come in.  
  
The door opened slowly to reveal a bleached blonde vampire. Dawn sat up quickly. Spike looked hesitant.   
  
What do you want? she snapped.  
  
To talk.  
  
Well, maybe I don't want to talk to you, Dawn said in her best sulky teenager voice.  
  
Look, I know you hate me, and I accept that. But this isn't about you, it's about your sister.  
  
Isn't it always? she said sullenly.  
  
Fine, I'll leave then! Spike said, exasperated with the girl. He knew Dawn well enough to know that she was being purposefully annoying.  
  
To his surprise, her voice stopped him before he closed the door.   
No, Spike, wait... I guess you can come in.  
  
He turned, smiling. Then paused as he regarded the strip of light still streaming through her window. Dawn's window faced west, so it caught the last rays of the sun. Buffy had taken the girls out before sunset so she could have them situated before nightfall.  
  
Dawn looked up to see him still standing at the threshold. Impatiently, she repeated, I _said_ you can come in.  
  
Uh, Nibl- I mean, Dawn, think you could close the blinds?  
  
Dawn looked over and saw his predicament. Oh. Right. Sorry. She got up and closed the blinds. She'd been around vampires enough that she should have realized the sun problem without him saying anything.  
  
Thanks, Bit - uh, Dawn. Spike entered the room, sitting backwards on her desk chair as Dawn retreated to her bed. _Dawn, Dawn, Dawn_, he chanted. _I've lost any right I may have had to call her by pet names,_ Spike reminded himself.  
  
Dawn cleared her throat uncomfortably. So. What's up with Buffy now?  
  
He frowned. Well... look, th' Slayer has pulled away from me, emotionally. Before Dawn could say anything, he cut her off, saying, and that's fine, I get that. But ve noticed she's been backin' away from her friends. And you, too. I was just... worried about her, that's all. Don't want her goin' all catatonic again.  
  
Dawn wrinkled her brow in confusion. Buffy? Go catatonic?  
  
_Oh bloody hell, guess no one told Dawn... _Umm... right, well, anyway, so I was worried bout her-  
  
No, wait a sec, what was that bit about the catatonic   
  
Spike groaned. He knew Dawn was just as stubborn as her big sister. He gave in. Right after Glory took you, Buffy went catatonic. She... she wouldn't snap out of it... he trailed off, remembering how awful the feeling of helplessness was when he realized he could do nothing for the woman he loved. Willow did some sort of mind to mind spell or something, got her out of it. I probably shouldn't ave said anythin', but I kinda figured someone woulda told ya... guess not though.  
  
Dawn shook her head. Either no one thought to tell her, or they thought she was to young to handle it. Most likely the latter. She wasn't surprised that Spike would tell her though, he never treated her like a baby. That was part of the reason she'd enjoyed his company so much... but that was in the past, she reminded herself. _He tried to rape your sister, remember?   
  
_But then he'd gone to Africa and endured torture to get a soul, and then had come back all insane... she was very confused. It seemed like everyone else had managed to forgive him. Maybe she should just allow herself to forgive him, too...  
  
Spike realized Dawn had zoned out on him then. Look, I just wanted to warn ya that I think something's up with your big sis. Keep an eye on her, k?  
  
I will.  
  
Spike turned to go, but Dawn's voice stopped him.  
  
Spike... if you want to talk sometime... like we used to... I think I'd like that.  
  
He turned back to her, and smiled. I'd like that too, Nibblet.  
  
She smiled at the use of her nickname once again, letting him know that was ok.   
  
At that moment, his stomach growled at him.  
  
Hey Platelet, you hungry?  
  
Yeah, kinda.  
  
How bout I make you a salami and peanut butter sandwich?  
  
Dawn jumped up.   
  
He laughed as they headed downstairs.  
  
***  
  
A/N: Dawn's sandwich is from Tough Love. I always thought that was kinda funny.  
  
Anyway, please **_review!!!! _**I want to know what you guys thought of anything and everything, especially my reasons for Xander and Giles being able to forgive and get along with Spike.


	18. Scooby Seminar Sans Slayer

Chapter 18: Scooby Seminar (Sans Slayer)  
  
A/N: Tobert, good point about not needing all the summary... but I still did it anyway! I edited it a _lot,_ though.   
Just having what happened the chapter before often isn't enough to remind me what story I'm reading... maybe that's just me... hmm... oh well, here's the summary for now, I may start doing less. So far, it's basically been all talk.  
  
**************  
_Summary_:  
  
Buffy rescues Spike from the cave (last scene in However, it's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day.  
  
Buffy comes home and is attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, convinced them that the real Buffy is the First.  
  
Buffy gathers supplies to go help Spike. She briefly talks with Xander. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Buffy returns to the cave. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue).   
  
Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk about forgiveness. By now, it's sundown, so they set out for home, where they unexpectedly find Riley.  
  
Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working and tries to kill Spike.  
  
Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted, though eventually all is sorted out.  
  
Buffy decides they can branch out and sends some people over to stay with Xander. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Faith and Buffy talk, fight vamps, and talk some more.  
  
Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side. Xander is upset when he finds they slept together.   
  
Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.  
  
One case Buffy dealt with caused her to decide that she couldn't be emotionally close to anyone again, for fear of her shutting down if they got killed.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk; Buffy tries to restrain all emotion.  
  
Spike remembers how he made up with both Xander and Giles. He talks to Dawn, and they make up, too.   
  
********************  
  
_One week later....  
_  
Giles cleared his throat, getting everyone's attention. Thank you all for coming today. There is an important matter which I believe needs to be discussed.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes, wishing the Watcher would just get on with it already.  
  
Giles had asked Spike, Willow, Xander, Anya, and Dawn to meet him in the Summer's basement just after school let out. Since Buffy usually stayed late, working, he figured they could have some time to talk without her noticing. _Not that she likely would,_ he mused, _which is exactly the problem. _  
  
Giles realized he had stopped talking, due to the digression in his thoughts. Everyone was staring at him, waiting for him to continue. Yes, right. I'll just come right out and tell you all why I brought you here.  
  
Everyone fidgeted while he cleaned his glasses.   
  
Considering how impatient he normally was, Spike had been very forbearing so far, but that was enough. Come on, Watcher, spit it out already!  
  
Giles gave a and glared at Spike, but did continue. As anyone who has fought with Buffy lately may have noticed, there seems to be a serious deterioration in her fighting skills.  
  
Spike, Dawn, and Willow nodded knowingly. They'd all patrolled with Buffy recently. Anya and Xander looked a bit bewildered and worried.   
  
Dawn spoke up next. Yeah, I've noticed. It's like... like she's the Buffybot, you know? She's programmed to fight, and she does, but without emotion. She paused, considering. Actually, I think the Buffybot had more emotion than Buffy has been showing lately.  
  
Willow agreed. Yeah. Plus, all the little comebacks she always had are gone. It kinda gives me the wiggins, watchin' Buffy fight so silently. It's just not normal.  
  
Dawn came in with yet another piece of evidence, eager to participate. Oooh! And- get this- I borrowed her favorite shirt the other day, and it got stained, so I threw it away- _and she didn't even notice!_  
  
Everyone was suitably impressed with this, knowing how important clothing was to their favorite slayer.   
  
Giles took charge once again. Very well, so we all agree that there is something wrong with Buffy. Now, does anyone know when and why this may have started?  
  
The when' would be about 3 weeks ago, Spike said. She was fine the day she rescued me, and the night and morning after that. But then, she was... different somehow. He shrugged, mutely conveying his inability to express exactly _how_ she was different. As for the why' part of it.... well, she's Buffy. She's been scared of her emotions since I met er. This is the same thing, just more of it.  
  
Xander questioned, Ok, yeah, I get that, but still, why _now? _Why has her avoidy-ness gotten worse lately?  
  
Spike stared at the boy as if he were brain-dead. Hello!! Mother f all apocalypses comin' up! She's afraid she'll lose somebody... and she's probably right.  
  
They all remained silent for a moment, pondering this.   
  
Anya, who had been very quiet up until now, broke the silence. Ok, I'm confused. Buffy doesn't fight well without her emotions. Not fighting well leads to more of her friends dying. But, as I understand it, the whole no-emotions thing is so that she won't be hurt... or something. She frowned. Stupid, illogical humans.  
  
Spike grinned at her. Right there with ya on that one. Especially the Slayer. She's not exactly known for her logic.  
  
Willow frowned. Well, I see what you two are saying, but... doesn't anyone else remember what happened when Glory took Dawn?  
  
Anya and Spike nodded; Xander and Giles shifted uncomfortably, unaware that Dawn knew.  
  
Xander glanced at the Slayer's sister and tried to cover. Right, yeah, Buffy, um... was upset.  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes. _When will they realize I'm not a kid anymore?_ It's ok, Xander. I know.  
  
He breathed a sigh of relief. She already knew and seemed ok with it. Oh. Ok, then... uh, Will, what was your point?  
  
My point was that maybe she's afraid that'll happen to her again. That she'll freeze up, I mean, if someone's taken or killed. And she's got even more responsibility now. She has to protect all of the girls...  
  
Spike said.   
  
Everyone stared at him; Willow started to protest.   
  
He cut her off. Oh, you're right bout the fact that she has more responsibility now, Red. What I meant was that she wouldn't freeze up again.  
  
Although he agreed, Giles couldn't help but ask curiously, What makes you so certain?  
  
Spike shrugged. I know her, is all. She's changed a lot since Glory, grown up and matured and whatnot. I hate to sound like a poof, but she just needs to have faith in herself.  
  
Giles nodded, agreeing with the vampire's assessment of his slayer. Well, the real reason I gathered you all here today was so that we could decide what to do about it.  
  
Xander wondered, What _can _we do? I mean, to say Buffy's a little stubborn is like... like... saying Spike is a little annoying.  
  
The offended party responded. Hey! You wanker! .... But yeah, Buffy's stubborner than an ox. And I've dealt with oxen.  
  
Xander wanted to know.  
  
Yeah. See, this one time Dru-  
  
Anya cleared her throat. Excuse me? Could we concentrate here?  
  
Both Spike and Xander shot her an apologetic glance and murmured,   
  
Humph, well, that's better. Anyway, any have any ideas? I'd like to live through this apocalypse and with the way Buffy is now, sounds like that may not happen. She turned to Giles. What about that thing she did a couple years ago? Right around the time that Spike was having sex with the Buffybot.  
  
Spike would have reddened. _Thank goodness vampires can't blush! _  
  
Giles answered Anya's question. The quest? I'm afraid that only works once. She was given her answers. _And I suspect she's scared of them, _he added silently.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ (Giles memory of what Buffy told him the First Slayer said) ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
FIRST SLAYER: You think you're losing your ability to love.   
  
BUFFY: I-I didn't say that. (sighs) Yeah.   
  
FIRST SLAYER: You're afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity.   
  
BUFFY: Does it?   
  
FIRST SLAYER: You are full of love. You love with all of your soul. It's brighter than the fire ... blinding. That's why you pull away from it.   
  
BUFFY: (surprised) I'm full of love? I'm not losing it?   
  
FIRST SLAYER: Only if you reject it. Love is pain, and the Slayer forges strength from pain. Love ... give ... forgive. Risk the pain. It is your nature. Love will bring you to your gift.... Death is your gift.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Giles thoughts continued. _She is rejecting her love. She thinks it's too painful, too bright, for her... but Spike's right, she can handle this... _his mental ramblings were interrupted by Xander.  
  
Hey! What about a magic spell? Like, one to get her to open-up a bit.  
  
Anya rolled her eyes. Haven't you learnt by now that spells messing with emotions tend to turn out badly? I heard about that spell you got that witch to do in high school- you know, that one where every girl liked you but the one you wanted. No, emotions tend to be difficult to deal with, magically speaking. That's why with vengeance I usually kept with the physical torment, like having someone's intestines come out their ears-  
  
She was cut off by a chorus of s from Dawn, Xander, and Willow.  
  
Anya huffed indignantly. You'd think by now you people would be used to descriptions of a little torment. And intestines out of the ears is nothing! Why, this one girl wished that- she paused, for once catching the disgusted looks everyone was giving her. She took the hint. But anyway, back to the subject. I don't think magic will cut it. Besides who would do the spell?  
  
Willow looked away, ashamed.  
  
Giles nodded at the former vengeance demon. Good point, Anya. I don't believe that magic will be salutary in this instance. If anything was fallacious in the casting of the spell we utilized, it would likely prove deleterious to the situation. And with the First's affect on magic, I don't believe the risk would be advisable.  
  
Xander leaned over to Willow. Uh, translation?  
  
Willow whispered back, Magic wouldn't be good because if something went wrong with the spell-casting, it probably would just make things worse.  
  
Ah. Thanks.  
  
Your welcome, she whispered back. In a louder voice, she said, I think we need to get Buffy to break her shell, first. You know, get her to express some emotion, recognize that she's shutting down. Then we can talk with her, and tell her, well, kinda what Spike said. That she's not the same person she was back then, and that we trust her and she should trust herself. But I think if we try to tell her that now, it'd be...   
  
Using that hackneyed cliché, Dawn finished for her. In one ear and out the other.   
  
Giles pondered for a moment. Your suggestion may have some merit, Willow.  
  
She grinned, feeling like the teacher's pet (which, in her mind, was a good thing).  
  
Giles continued. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we might go about implementing Willow's proposition?  
  
There was another pause while they all thought about it.  
  
Dawn meekly raised her hand. Well... ok, this may be a really bad idea, but, well... no offense Spike, but you've never had a problem making her angry. I mean, sometimes you didn't even have to do anything to get her mad at you, so maybe... she trailed off uncertainly.  
  
Xander shook his head. While, yeah, if anyone could make Buffy mad, it would probably be Spike, I don't think that anger is the emotion we're going for here, Dawnie. Thanks for trying, though.  
  
Dawn glared at him. She hated it went he patronized her!  
  
As usual, it was Spike who came to her rescue. Now, wait a minute there, Whelp. He smirked at the glare Xander threw at him. The Bit's got a point. Does it matter what emotion? Frankly, I'd be happy to see her express _any_ emotion. She hasn't even acted slightly annoyed with me lately.  
  
Xander laughed. Now that's just unnatural!  
  
My point exactly, the bleached vampire stated dryly. Watcher, what do you think?  
  
Giles, who had been cleaning his glasses and staring off into the distance, started at hearing himself addressed. Err, what? Oh. Well, I agree that anger might not be the most ideal emotion for Buffy to express - Xander made an I told you so' face at Spike - I do believe that any emotion would at least be progress towards a more normal Buffy.  
  
Spike raised an eyebrow mockingly at Xander, who scowled and looked away. While their teasing was all in fun, they still tended to be a bit competitive.  
  
Unsurprisingly, Spike consented. I'll do it. He grinned briefly before taking on a very serious, deep tone of voice, with a matching somber facial expression. My mission, should I choose to accept it, will be to bug the hell out of the Slayer. The girls all giggled at him, and even Giles had a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.  
  
  
********  
A/N: I know the whole get Buffy to express an emotion thing' might be stupid, but... umm... yeah. I don't really have anything to add to that. What do you think, oh readers?  
  
The quotes from with the First Slayer, I got from buffyworld.com. Very cool site. There's transcripts and pics from every episode.  
  
I really, really want to thank those (few) of you who've reviewed. Please, do review!


	19. Talking with the Undead

Chapter 19: Talking with the Undead  
  
**************  
_Summary_:  
  
Buffy rescues Spike from the cave (last scene in However, it's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day.  
  
Buffy comes home and is attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, convinced them that the real Buffy is the First.  
  
Buffy gathers supplies to go help Spike. She briefly talks with Xander. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Buffy returns to the cave. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue).   
  
Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk about forgiveness. By now, it's sundown, so they set out for home, where they unexpectedly find Riley.  
  
Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working and tries to kill Spike.  
  
Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted, though eventually all is sorted out.  
  
Buffy decides they can branch out and sends some people over to stay with Xander. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Faith and Buffy talk, fight vamps, and talk some more.  
  
Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side. Xander is upset when he finds they slept together.   
  
Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.  
  
One case Buffy dealt with caused her to decide that she couldn't be emotionally close to anyone again, for fear of her shutting down if they got killed.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk; Buffy tries to restrain all emotion.  
  
Spike remembers how he made up with both Xander and Giles. He talks to Dawn, and they make up, too.   
  
There is a Scooby meeting (without Buffy). They discuss how Buffy needs to feel again in order to fight well. They decide Spike will try and get her to feel again.  
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A/N: Anne Rose, ms trick, Red Wulf, blue_Sparrow, fitheach-stoirm, Tobert, Ranaslayer, and Shawthang- thank you **_so_** much for reviewing!  
  
Sorry to disappoint, but this is _not_ the chapter in which Spike tries to get Buffy to feel! I haven't figured out exactly how I want to do that yet... so this is to tide you over! I hope you like it.   
  
I realized that there was at least one personal problem dealt with in Season Seven, and that was Willow's difficulty with moving on. Some of the lines in this chapter are from The Killer in Me.'  
  
**********************************************************  
  
After the meeting, the Scoobies headed upstairs, Xander cracking bad jokes that only Dawn laughed at.   
  
Spike heaved a sigh of relief. He still had the basement to himself, since it was so full of training equipment there wasn't room for any more sleeping space besides his little cot.   
  
He was so used to being alone that dealing with a bunch of people was kinda stressful. He reached under his cot and pulled out something which he knew would relax him...  
  
Spike spun around, prepared to attack, as he heard a someone clearing their throat behind him.  
  
Willow started back in alarm at seeing his readiness. Spike! It's just me.  
  
He was about to calm down, when he realized he was brandishing his book at her, ready to use it as a weapon. Several thoughts collided in his head:  
  
_I was ready to use a _book_ as a weapon! That's.... that's... sacrilegious!... Oh, bloody hell, I am a soddin' poof!  
  
_was warring with   
  
_Oh shit, the Wicca saw my book... there goes my rep as a Big Bad... not that I really have one any more...   
  
_and also there was the fact that   
  
_I was so wrapped up I didn't even sense her, I'm losing it..._  
  
Uh, Spike? Willow said warily. _What's wrong with him? And is that... a book of _poetry_?_  
  
He shook his head, realizing he'd been standing there silently for a moment. In one quick, fluid movement, he turned, replacing the book back to its hiding spot, and pivoted back around to Willow. Trying to cover his nervousness, he asked, Yeah, Red, whatsup?  
  
Nothing really, I just, well, wanted to talk. To you. I haven't, I mean, we haven't, you know, talked, lately, and... some other people mentioned talking to you so I was thinking maybe I should to. Oh! Not that I'm doing this just because they did, but I mean them saying they talked to you gave me the idea to talk to you-  
  
Spike cut short her babbling with a chuckle. He sat back on his cot, gesturing for her to resume her seat.  
  
Yeah, we should talk. I would've talked to you sooner, only you were usually busy with the research, or the meditating, or Kennedy... Spike waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively as he mentioned the S.I.T.'s name.  
  
Spike noticed that Willow blushed slightly, and .... that expression on her face... that wasn't _guilt, _was it? Hmmm_....   
  
_Spike slyly added, S'good to see ya with her. I'm sure Glinda'd be pleased to see you so happy. I know it musta been tough, you two love-birds were close.... He stopped, wondering if he'd gone a bit too far with reminding Willow of her lover's death.   
  
Really? I mean, you think... you think Tara would be glad to see me with .... another girl?  
  
Hell yeah! You think she would want you to be unhappy?  
  
Well, no- Willow started.  
  
Spike interrupted. Cause I may not have known her very well, but I know she loved you and I know she was a nice person. Prob'ly the nicest one I ever knew, next to Joyce.  
  
Willow stammered....  
  
To Willow's surprise, she found that Spike could be very reassuring when he wanted to be. He sounded so sure about Tara... She was starting to understand why Buffy had gone to talk to him after she was brought back... well, before they started shagging,' as Spike would say. But there was one thing that still bothered her. She hadn't talked about it with anyone, but maybe Spike would be ok to tell...  
  
But.. I guess I feel like... Willow trailed off, looking away.  
  
Spike leaned forward, looking at her, concerned. Go on, Red.  
  
....like being with another girl means letting go of Tara, she finished softly. She started crying. Until Kennedy, she was never gone. She was with me. We should have been forever, and I— I let her be dead. She's really dead. And I killed her, Willow sobbed.  
  
Spike stroked her back comfortingly, and made soothing noises.   
  
His harsh words were at odds with his gentle tone. That's rot. Absolute rot. And I'm sure Tara would think so, too. Until Kennedy, you were hangin' on to a memory, not lettin' yourself move on. That's not- that's not real. An' you can love someone else besides Tara and still treasure her memory.... oh, listen t' me, I sound like a bleedin' poof.  
  
Willow laughed through her tears at this.  
  
Spike smiled. _Knew I could get a laugh outta her._   
  
Willow started to calm down, hiccuping softly.  
  
The vampire asked quietly, You ok now?  
  
She nodded. Thanks, Spike, she said shyly.  
  
Anytime, Red, anytime. I'm used to the tears. Shoulda seen me right after I got this soul. I bawled like a baby for days.  
  
Willow looked at him, interested, hoping he'd continue. Spike'd been very reluctant to talk about his experience in Africa. To her dismay, he changed the subject.  
  
They got to talking about old times, laughing about the incident where Spike had tried to bite Willow. She'd reassured him about his impotence,' and he'd assured her that he'd thought of biting her before, that he wasn't just biting her cause Buffy wasn't there.  
  
They debated about the Chumash Indian attack, Willow still insisting that violence hadn't been the answer.   
  
Carefully, both avoided mention of Willow's let-my-will-be-done' spell. Willow still felt guilty about that, and the memory of the one time he had Buffy the way he wanted her was too painful for Spike.  
  
Eventually Willow brought up the fact that she saw some similarities between them, such as the once evil but now good thing. They both knew what it was like to lose loved ones (Spike nearly broke down, remembering the summer without Buffy). Both had had lovers whom others didn't approve of or understand.   
  
Spike knew there was one more similarity between them, but he hesitated. Can you keep a secret, Red?  
  
Willow's face lit up.A secret about Spike was bound to be interesting. she chirped.  
  
_Do I really want to tell her this? _When I was human, before I met Dru, I was a _complete _dork.  
  
Willow burst out laughing. What! You?!!  
  
He looked rather abashed, and Willow struggled to control her laughter.  
  
Finally, she caught her breath enough to say, So, was that really a poetry book I saw you holding?  
  
Wha'! No... no, I said I was a dork then, not now... Oh, bloody hell, all right, yes, it was. At least I don't write em any more.  
  
You used to write_ poetry_?  
  
Yep. Tha's how I got th' name William the Bloody,' cause of my bloody awful' poetry.  
  
She giggled. She'd been right, Spike's secret was certainly very interesting! And that did explain some things... he certainly had a poet's heart, that was for certain.  
  
I always assumed it was cause you were a murderer when you were alive or something. That's... wow... that's just... funny, Willow concluded, snickering. Seeing the woebegone expression on his face, she added, Well, sorry, but it is.  
  
He relaxed. Yeah, I guess so.  
  
A comfortable hush descended.  
  
After several minutes of silent reflection, Willow broke the silence.   
  
What are you going to do?  
  
Spike took a moment to respond, thinking that he didn't understand her question because he'd been so lost in his own thoughts. He reviewed her words, and decided he still didn't get it.  
  
Uh, could you be a bit more specific, luv?   
  
What? Oh! Right, sorry. I meant what are you going to do about Buffy. To make her mad I mean.  
  
I've got some ideas. Might need some help.  
  
Anything I can do...  
  
He shook his head. Nah, I think I might need the Watcher's help... to lure her out with just me. That might take some doing.  
  
Oh... yeah...  
  
Silence once again.  
  
Willow voiced her thoughts. You're planning on making her really, really pissed at you, aren't you?  
  
What? Oh. Yeah...  
  
She took a deep breath. Aren't you afraid she'll stake you?  
  
I'll fight her, if I have to. Hell, I might throw the first punch, depending on how things go.  
  
But don't you think this whole making her mad thing might ruin your relationship with her?  
  
Spike laughed bitterly. I don't have much of a relationship' with her right now, anyway. And besides, he added a bit more quietly, I'd rather that she never speaks to me again and lives, than have her dying.  
  
Willow wondered if she would have the strength to do what he was proposing. Could she have made Tara mad at her, purposefully made Tara hate her, so that Tara could live?  
  
_Of course, the situation is entirely different here... _she reminded herself. _Buffy and Spike always fight... but still... he really does love her and want what's best for her... _  
  
I'd better get going, Spike. Thanks for... everything. We should do this again sometime, Willow said, rising.  
  
Showing his gentlemanly side, Spike stood as she did. We should. See you later, Red.  
  
She stared at him for a second, before impulsively going over to him and throwing her arms around him in a big hug. He stood stock still, shocked, before finally relaxing and hugging her back, with a huge smile on his face. He felt more accepted than ever before.   
  
Willow pulled out of the hug, and gave him a shy peck on the cheek before heading upstairs. Good luck with Buffy, she called as she left.  
  
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A/N: So, what did you think? I know, not the Spuffiness that you were hoping for, but that's coming soon, I promise. Please, please, **_review_**, lemme know what you think.


	20. Spuffiness in a Cave Part 1

Chapter 20: Spuffiness in a Cave (Part 1)  
  
**************  
_Summary_:  
  
Buffy rescues Spike from the cave (last scene in However, it's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day.  
  
Buffy comes home and is attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, convinced them that the real Buffy is the First.  
  
Buffy gathers supplies to go help Spike. She briefly talks with Xander. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Buffy returns to the cave. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue).   
  
Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk about forgiveness. By now, it's sundown, so they set out for home, where they unexpectedly find Riley.  
  
Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working and tries to kill Spike.  
  
Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted, though eventually all is sorted out.  
  
Buffy decides they can branch out and sends some people over to stay with Xander. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Faith and Buffy talk, fight vamps, and talk some more.  
  
Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side. Xander is upset when he finds they slept together.   
  
Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.  
  
One case Buffy dealt with caused her to decide that she couldn't be emotionally close to anyone again, for fear of her shutting down if they got killed.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk; Buffy tries to restrain all emotion.  
  
Spike remembers how he made up with both Xander and Giles. He talks to Dawn, and they make up, too.   
  
There is a Scooby meeting (without Buffy). They discuss how Buffy needs to feel again in order to fight well. They decide Spike will try and get her to feel again.  
  
Spike has a nice talk with Willow.  
  
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A/N: Ok, here (finally!) is the beginning of the Spuffiness you've all been waiting for... hope you like it! Sorry it's not done, I figured this was better than nothing.  
  
Sorry it took me so long to get this up! Stupid Writer's Block.  
  
Thanks so much to those who reviewed: FOREVER EYES X5 452, Tobert, wickedwiccan (twice!!), Nikki, girlwiththecharm, ms trick, ranaslayer, red, ShawThang, Stay-C, and SinisterChic Heather Martin. I'm so glad you are all enjoying my story. A couple of chapters ago I was actually thinking about abandoning this story, but the reviews changed my mind and I'm glad they did!  
  
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After some further discussion, Spike and the Watcher had concocted a plan they hoped would work to lure Buffy out with just Spike. While Giles already tolerated Spike, his respect for the vampire increased as they discussed what kind of demon would make the story more believable. The question was really academic, since Buffy relied on others to tell her about the demons, but the intellectual debate was fun for them both (although Spike would never admit it).  
  
It was also decided that, since Buffy would most likely not stick around to chat after finding out she'd been duped, some sort of trap was needed. He worked with Xander on that. The plan was that the Scoobies would come just before dawn, Willow using her magic to let them out, thus giving Spike enough time to get back home. Xander suggested giving them a few days, but Spike decided against that. It was too risky- what if the First came up with something before then? No, one night would have to be enough.  
  
Xander made bad dead vampire jokes as they rigged up the trap. He also discussed his current relationship with Anya. To Spike's relief, the construction worker had gotten over the whole Anya and Spike sleeping together' thing, understanding that they had both been hurting and had taken comfort in each other.  
  
_That's odd, _Spike mused. _I think the boy is actually maturing. Huh._  
  
It seemed that Xander and Anya might just get back together after all. She, too, had matured, especially since her incident when she was a vengeance demon: killing those men, then offering to give herself up body and soul to save them, only to have her best friend taken in her place. She seemed to slowly be coming to the realization that Xander hadn't married her for what he honestly thought was her own good, and that he truly loved her.  
  
Xander had actually started seeing a therapist, discussing his issues. It was pretty standard: he feared that he and Anya would turn into his parents. That fear was slowly starting to dissipate.  
  
But outside of therapy, Xander wanted another guy to talk to, preferably one who understood about his and Anya's past. Riley wasn't the same guy he'd been, still too traumatized over having to kill his wife. He was dependable for training the girls, but not for talking to. Giles was too much of a father-figure, Xander didn't even know Connor, and Andrew- well, that was an obvious no.   
  
So that left Spike, which, oddly enough, was fine with Xander. Admittedly, the only real relationship Spike had ever had was with an insane vampiress, but he'd managed to make that work for about a century. Plus the vampire was useful for insights into the demon mind.  
  
Once the trap was set, the two men headed to their homes, each thinking about his girl.  
  
******  
  
Buffy came home from work that evening, tired as usual. She was greeted by a worried looking Giles (who had been practicing that expression all day in front of a mirror).  
  
Oh! Buffy, thank goodness you're home. Something's come up.  
  
What is it this time?  
  
It's a nest of Molashnak demons. They could become quite a threat.  
  
Repressing a sigh, Buffy told him, All right, I'll go round up the troops.  
  
She started off, but Giles intercepted her. No! I mean, no, that won't work. You see, Molashnak demons are very dangerous. The only real chance you'll have is if you catch them by surprise. But their senses are supernaturally good, which means only people skilled in stealth will have a chance.  
  
General Buffy frowned thoughtfully. Maybe I should go get Faith...  
  
I don't think she is the best option. She tends to be a bit, uh, rash. Perhaps you should take Spike. He knows where the cave is, as well.  
  
She'd been trying to avoid Spike for the past several weeks, but Giles was right, he was her best bet for work like this. _And slaying always comes before personal feelings_, she reminded herself.  
  
Tell him we'll leave as soon as the sun's down, she ordered as she headed upstairs to change into something more suitable for slaying.  
  
Giles headed into the kitchen.  
  
Willow grinned. I take it Phase 1 is complete?  
  
The Watcher sighed. Yes... I do hope this turns out for the best...  
  
It will, Rupes, it will, Spike assured him, unwilling to mention his own misgivings.  
  
******  
  
Spike was standing by the door nervously waiting, ax in hand, by the time the sun set.  
  
Buffy came down the stairs. she started to call, stopping when she saw him. Oh. All right then, let's go.  
  
He followed after her mutely, for once actually glad she wasn't as perceptive as usual, else she would have picked up on his unusual silence.  
  
******  
  
Unlike in years previous when they patrolled together, the silence between them was uncomfortable as they headed towards the cave.   
  
Buffy decided that perhaps talking would solve the problem. _Keep the conversation on business, _she told herself.  
  
  
  
He jumped at the unexpected sound. he said, trying not to sound too hopeful. Her starting a conversation could only be of the good, right?  
  
I haven't had much of a chance to talk with you lately.  
  
His unbeating heart leapt up. Maybe this wouldn't be as hard as he'd feared...  
  
General Buffy continued. We need to discuss the girls' training. I'm a little worried about Meghan.....  
  
_Oh, bollocks! I knew that was too good to be true... she wants to discuss her army, of course... ah, well, that's something I guess..._  
  
Buffy's voice interrupted his thoughts. I think maybe she's just not strong enough. Maybe we should do some more weight-training-  
  
Not strong enough? Slayer, that's completely _not_ the problem.  
  
As opposed to being upset with Spike for contradicting her, she cooly asked, Oh? And what do you see as the problem?  
  
She lacks self-confidence. It's as simple as that.  
  
As they continued towards the cave, they argued over the girls. To Spike's disappointment, Buffy kept her cool throughout. No quips were exchanged, no insults... to Spike's way of thinking, this didn't count as an argument. _  
  
_He thought about saying, _Oh, you're no fun anymore... _ but then decided against it. _Wouldn't do any good anyway. Besides, silly American chit would never get th' joke...  
  
*****  
  
_Finally, they neared the cave. He warned Buffy, and the two crept stealthily towards the entrance.   
  
Just inside the entrance, Buffy paused, listening. She couldn't hear a thing, and wanted to ask Spike about it, but realized that would be foolish if the creatures were indeed there. _Perhaps the Molash-whatevers are out...  
_  
They proceeded farther and farther in through a tunnel. Still the silence remained. As they entered a cave, the sounds of a rockslide came behind them.  
  
Buffy spun around, staring at the wall of rocks. Since their cover was clearly blown, she realized there was no sense in trying to keep quiet.  
  
Shit! Spike, c'mere and help me move these... or is there a different way out? she asked, slightly panicked.  
  
Being trapped was not one of her favorite things. Ever since awakening in her own coffin, she had a slight case of claustrophobia. She'd only been able to handle the tunnel by remaining concentrated on the mission. Plus, the tunnel had been pitch-black; here, slits in the ceiling of the cave let moonlight through.  
  
She scrabbled desperately at the rocks, unable to move them. Buffy turned, ready to demand Spike's help, when she saw he was casually lounging back on the ground.  
  
What!? What the hell are you doing? She could hardly speak for the anger, surprise, and worry she felt.  
  
He smirked. _Looks likes th' Slayer's gettin a bit upset already..._  
  
Calm down, ya daft chit. He nonchalantly waved a hand, dismissing her fear. We're fine.  
  
Buffy was about to explode. Only through her recent exertions to contain her emotions was she able to control herself.  
  
Through gritted teeth, she said, What do you mean we're _fine?_ Spike, we're trapped! We're going to die! As she regarded his complacent expression, a sudden horrible thought came to her. Oh, God, no.... you're... you're in league with the First! She backed away as far as she could, both trying to spot something wooden and keep an eye on Spike.  
  
He felt a flash of hurt at her easy conclusion, but quickly calmed himself down. _Easy, mate, she's not herself, that's the whole point of this little jaunt... _  
  
Instead of denying it vehemently or attacking her, as she'd suspected he would, the vampire merely chuckled.  
  
Buffy was surprised at this unexpected sound.   
  
He continued chuckling, pleased at how off-balance it made her.  
  
No, Buffy, I'm not in league with the First.  
  
She clearly was torn between wanting to believe him and her natural suspicion.  
  
So why did you set up this lovely trap?  
  
He raised an eyebrow at her. You think I set this up by myself?  
  
She walked closer the wall of rocks. Looking carefully, she could see where the trap had been set. It did look a bit sophisticated for just Spike, but then again, even after all the years she'd known him, she still wasn't really sure what he was capable of.  
  
She shrugged. Fine, I'll bite. Who helped you?  
  
Spike grinned. _Oh, she's just gonna love this! _Well, the trap itself, that was Xander, of course. He's got the skills. Buffy's mouth opened to reject his assertion, but he spoke over her. But the idea for the trap itself, and for me bein' the one here with you, well... that was a combo of Willow, Xander, Dawn, Anya, me.... oh, and Giles.  
  
He saved the best for last, figuring the fact that her Watcher was in on it would make this whole thing have more weight with her. If she believed him...  
  
I don't believe you!  
  
He rolled his eyes. _Of course, that would just be too bloody easy, wouldn't it.  
  
_Without warning, she attacked, thinking to catch Spike off-guard.  
  
However, the vampire had fought with and against her too often to fall for that. He'd seen her body tense up a moment before she sprang, and jumped out of her way, leaving her to fall to the ground.  
  
He stood there, arms crossed, looking both amused and annoyed. Buffy quickly jumped to her feet, ready to continue the fight.   
  
Instead of lunging at him, this time she aimed a high right kick at his head. He smoothly ducked, and, in the same motion, swept her left leg out from under her.  
  
The Slayer landed on the floor with an She lay for a moment, stunned; the impact had knocked the breath out of her.  
  
Spike stood back, admiring his handiwork. You ready to listen?  
  
Once again, Buffy bounced to her feet, not bothering to respond. She'd decided that her quips, once such an important part of her fighting, were merely distracting. As Willow had pointed out, she fought silently now.  
  
Again she attacked the vampire, with similar results. She tried a multitude of attacks, but each time she ended up sprawled on the cold cave floor.  
  
Finally, the Slayer did something she'd told herself she'd never do again: she gave up, and remained on the floor where she'd last fallen.  
  
Eyes closed, breathing heavily from her recent exertions, she waited for the bite that she knew would come. She'd tried her best; that's all she could do, right? Her only fear (or was it her only hope?) was that he would change her. It seemed so wrong, and yet to live without a conscience sounded so very nice...  
  
Spike regarded her curiously. What kind of trick was this? As she remained still for several more moments, he realized that this wasn't a trick. His Slayer had given up, given in to her death wish at last. He sighed sadly. It was just as he and the other Scoobies had suspected: her trying to suppress her emotions could very well be the death of her.   
  
_Time to bring her back to life, _the undead vampire told himself. _Now, how the bloody hell am I supposed to do that..._  
  
Spike waited a few more minutes before saying, Slayer, what're ya doin'?  
  
Buffy opened her eyes to see him standing just where he'd been, about a yard away from her. What was going on? _It must be some kind of trick... no, that's not right, he could have had me..._ She shook her head in confusion.  
  
Ar-aren't you going to bite me? she asked weakly.  
  
Spike sighed and sat down by her side. Running her hair through his fingers, he smiled sadly at her and said, No. I'm not.  
  
Her curiosity got the better of her. Pushing his hands away (even though, oh, they felt so lovely!), she sat up and looked him in the eye.  
  
You're not working for the First? she asked.  
  
He shook his head.   
  
And you're not evil?   
  
He shook his head again  
  
The Slayer pondered matters for a moment. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out what was going on. As much as she hated admitting that to Spike, she didn't really have a choice.  
  
Ok, Spike, tell me what's going on. Why am I here?  
  
************  
  
A/N: Sorry to cut off in the middle like this... but now you get to speculate what he's going to say to her! Any guesses?  
  
Review! What do you think so far?


	21. Spuffiness in a Cave Part 2

Chapter 21: Spuffiness in a Cave, Part 2  
  
**************  
_Summary_:  
  
Buffy rescues Spike from the cave (last scene in However, it's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day.  
  
Buffy comes home and is attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, convinced them that the real Buffy is the First.  
  
Buffy gathers supplies to go help Spike. She briefly talks with Xander. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Buffy returns to the cave. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue).   
  
Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk about forgiveness. By now, it's sundown, so they set out for home, where they unexpectedly find Riley.  
  
Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working and tries to kill Spike.  
  
Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted, though eventually all is sorted out.  
  
Buffy decides they can branch out and sends some people over to stay with Xander. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Faith and Buffy talk, fight vamps, and talk some more.  
  
Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side. Xander is upset when he finds they slept together.   
  
Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.  
  
One case Buffy dealt with caused her to decide that she couldn't be emotionally close to anyone again, for fear of her shutting down if they got killed.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk; Buffy tries to restrain all emotion.  
  
Spike remembers how he made up with both Xander and Giles. He talks to Dawn, and they make up, too.   
  
There is a Scooby meeting (without Buffy). They discuss how Buffy needs to feel again in order to fight well. They decide Spike will try and get her to feel again.  
  
Spike has a nice talk with Willow.  
  
The trap is set, and Buffy falls for it. She and Spike are now trapped in a cave.  
  
**********************************************************  
  
A/N: Thanks once again to those who reviewed: Wickedwiccan, Casey, Dawnlady, Nikki, ms trick, Tobert, and Shawthang. Thank you guys so very much!!!  
  
Wickedwiccan asked why Buffy would think Spike was going to kill her, and if he was, why would her friends help. Guess I didn't make this too clear in the last chapter. She doesn't believe that her friends helped set up the trap (which is why she says I don't believe you' to Spike.) As for believing he's going to kill her, we all know that Buffy can be one suspicious bitch, especially when it comes to Spike. It wouldn't occur to her that Spike set this trap for a friendly intervention.  
  
*****************  
  
  
Spike took a deep, unneeded breath. He hadn't worked out what exactly he should say to her, figuring he would wing it. Now he realized that may not have been the best plan, considering the debilitating effect Buffy tended to have on his thinking process.  
  
Do you know why you lost to me just now?  
  
The Slayer's first instinct was to deny that she'd lost, but she realized that would be ridiculous.  
  
She sighed. No, but I suppose you're going to tell me.  
  
Do you remember me telling you about the Slayer death wish?  
  
Buffy nodded. But I don't want to die....  
  
He looked at her, confused. She seemed sincere... was he wrong about the death wish?  
  
... but I don't want to live, either, she finished softly.  
  
_Aha! Now we're gettin' somewhere. It's not exactly the death wish, then..._  
  
You lost because you don't care, Buffy, or at least you've convinced yourself you don't. You've cut yourself off emotionally.  
  
She looked away, neither confirming nor denying his accusation.   
  
All the years I've known you, you always fight your best when you're... when you're _feeling _something.... usually anger. Especially when someone you love is in danger... like when you fought Glory to save Dawn... or me to save Angel....  
  
Not a topic he really wanted to bring up, but hey, anything to break down those walls.  
  
Unbeknownst to him, his words brought up a memory, related to the slayer she'd worked with back then.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Buffy's flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
(What's My Line, Part 2)  
  
Kendra: Emotions are weakness, Buffy. You shouldn't entertain dem.  
  
Buffy: Kendra, my emotions give me power. They're total assets!  
  
Kendra: (picks up her knife) Maybe. For you. But I prefer to keep an even mind. (wipes the blade)  
  
Buffy: (puts down her knife) Mm. I guess that explains it.  
  
Kendra: Explains what?  
  
Buffy: (plays with the stake) Oh, well, when we were fighting, uh, you're amazing! Your technique, it's flawless, it's, hmm, better than mine.  
  
Kendra: I know.  
  
Buffy: Still, I woulda kicked your butt in the end. And ya know why? No imagination.  
  
Kendra: (rubs her blade more vigorously) Really? Ya tink so? (puts down the rag)  
  
Buffy: Oh, I know so. You're good, but power alone isn't enough. A good fighter needs to know how to improvise, to go with the flow. Uh-uh, seriously, don't get me wrong, y-you really do have potential. (puts away the stake)  
  
Kendra: (holds her knife ready) Potential? I could wipe de floor wit you right now!  
  
Buffy: (looks Kendra in the eye) That would be anger you're feeling.  
  
Kendra: What?  
  
Buffy: You feel it, right? How the anger gives you fire? A Slayer needs that.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She had completely forgotten her own words to Kendra. Since she blamed herself for the other Slayer's death, having stupidly fallen for Angel's trap, Buffy tried not to think about her.  
  
Spike saw that Buffy was thinking about something, so he backed off. They'd put supplies in the cave earlier, and he busied himself getting out the food and setting up the two bundles of bedding.  
  
Buffy was anguished. She'd started this whole no emotion thing to save others. If she felt too much, she'd freeze up when someone was hurt and then even more people would die. As General Buffy, with the mother of all apocalypses coming up, she felt she couldn't take that risk, and so, as Spike said, she'd cut herself off.  
  
But now she wondered. Was she really doing the best thing for her friends, or was she just being selfish? On the one hand, she realized Spike was right, she did fight better with emotion. On the other hand....  
  
Spike, what happens when someone is hurt or killed?  
  
He turned from the food and cocked his head at this apparent non sequitur.   
  
  
  
I mean, you're... you're right...   
  
Buffy had to try very hard not to laugh at the surprised expression on his face. This may very well have been the first time she'd admitted he was right about something.   
  
She continued. I do fight better when I feel. But feeling is also what causes me to freeze up if someone is hurt or killed. Too many people are counting on me this time, Spike. If I freeze up, they die. I can't, I _won't,_ allow that, the Slayer stated firmly.  
  
You won't freeze up, the vampire assured her.  
  
In a mannerism she'd unknowingly stolen from him, she raised an eyebrow. No? You've forgotten when Glory took Dawn?  
  
He walked over to her and sat beside her again. No, course not. That was one of th' worst times of my life... besides when you were gone, of course. I felt so.... so _helpless_. I slapped you. Didn't do anything.  
  
She blinked. She'd never really thought about the impact her catatonic state had on others.  
  
He resumed. I figured that might be what you were worrying about. But that won't happen again.  
  
How can you be so sure?  
  
Because I know you, he stated simply. She indicated for him to continue his explanation. Because you've changed, matured and whatnot, since that time.  
  
Spike leaned in towards her and held her hands in his. Buffy, I've known you for about as long as anyone else around. The fact that I was your enemy at first actually gives me somethin' the others don't have. I was always analyzing you, for strengths, weaknesses, anythin' I could find. For the past few years I've still been doin' that... partly outta habit I guess, but also cause I care bout you. And I've seen you at your best... and your worst.  
  
She looked away, remembering some of those worst' times, uncomfortable under the burning gaze of his blue eyes.  
  
So? Your point?  
  
My _point_, Slayer, is that I know that you are so much stronger than ever before... or you would be if you'd let yourself be. Not just physically, but emotionally. As I said to th' Scoobies, I don't wanna sound like the great poof, but you gotta have faith in yourself.  
  
Not knowing how to respond, Buffy remained silent. Longing to break the tension, she suddenly said, So, what? You trap me here to tell me to have faith in myself? You couldn't have just done that at home, where it would have been slightly more convenient?  
  
The idea was to get you to express some emotion, break your shell and whatnot before trying to talk to you. We didn't think you'd stick around to chat once you showed some emotion. Couldn't just have ya runnin' away like usual.  
  
Uh, news flash Spike, I'm no larger with the emotions than before.  
  
He sighed. Yeah, I know. But when we first were trapped in here, I realized something. You were bout ready to explode, but then you controlled it. See, I think what me an' the Scoobies were thinkin' was that this was kinda like after you came back, when you were emotionally numb. But it's totally different. This, you're doing consciously. Breakin' down those walls isn't gonna do any good if you just slap em back up again.  
  
He had a good point, Buffy knew. This _was _something she'd done on purpose, and therefore she could undo it on purpose... not easily, but it was possible. One thing was still bothering her, however...  
  
Why you?  
  
  
  
Why you? Why are you the one sitting here, telling me this, instead of Willow or Xander?  
  
He chuckled. Actually, I was chosen for my incredible ability to annoy the hell out of you. If _I _couldn't make you mad, well then....  
  
She laughed, briefly. It felt good and right to laugh again, and, well, it _was_ kinda funny.  
  
Yet another question came to her. Ok, I see your point about that, you are the most infuriating being on the planet. He smirked proudly. But how could they trust you to be trapped with me? I mean, I guess.... I'm starting to realize you can't hurt me... or wouldn't, anyway... but I just can't see Xander saying, Hmm, yeah, let's trap Buffy in with Spike for an entire night, in a place out in the middle of nowhere.' So...?  
  
He shrugged nonchalantly, trying to make it seem as if he didn't know the impact his next words would have on her. They trust me.  
  
Buffy gaped. For such a simple statement, she had quite a reaction. They couldn't... but that _was _the only reasonable explanation for them allowing... no, not allowing, actually aiding and abetting him in capturing her for a night.... _Oh no!  
  
_Spike, this _is _just for one night, right? I mean, someone will come get us out in a coupla hours?  
  
He slowly drawled, Well, Xander thought it might be a good idea for this to last several days, to break that stubborn barrier of yours...  
  
Seeing the alarmed expression on her face, he quickly amended, But I thought one night was enough. Who knows when the First'll come up wi' another toy surprise for us to play with.  
  
The Slayer nodded, relieved.   
  
Curious now, she asked, So, how are you managing to get along with Xander? And isn't Dawn still pissed at you?  
  
He snorted. Wow, Slayer, I didn't realize you were so behind on the times. I made up with the Nibblet, Xander, and the Watcher weeks ago. And, don't tell the Whelp I said this, but we're actually, he mock shudders at his next word,   
  
  
  
Yeah, I know, weird. But there's a serious lack of other guys around for us to hang with, so we take what we can get.  
  
Isn't he still pissed about the whole Anya incident? Buffy's eyes darkened, remembering how hurt she'd been.  
  
Seeing her change in attitude, Spike softened his tone. He understands that she an' I were hurtin', so we took comfort in each other... well, first in a bottle, then in each other.  
  
How did that come about?  
  
Spike sighed. This wasn't something he wanted to discuss; he was inclined to tell her not to drudge up the past. But the past was still important, although over and done with; he knew that, and wanted to make her see that.  
  
I went to the magic box that night, lookin' for a spell-  
  
A _spell_? You were going to put a spell on me?! I don't-  
  
Slayer, would you shut your gob for two seconds? I was lookin' for a spell to dull the pain of losing you, all right? And Anya grabbed a bottle of whiskey, and that's how that all got started. Happy now?  
  
  
  
Eager to change the subject, Spike said, There's food if you're hungry, and your bed's set over there. He pointed.  
  
Wow, the prisoner gets fed and a bed and everything. How lovely, Buffy snarked, still upset that she'd been duped by those she'd trusted most.  
  
Buffy, you do get that me an' your other friends did this for your own good, right?  
  
She remained silent and still far too long for Spike's peace of mind.   
  
Slayer? You hear what I said?  
  
Buffy still did not move or make a sound. Spike was just beginning to seriously worry when she finally seemed to come to some sort of decision.  
  
We're not friends.  
  
  
  
*******  
  
A/N: ::winces:: Ouch, that's gotta sting! Buffy, how could you? Tsk, tsk... Why did Buffy say that? Did she really mean it?   
  
That's for the next chapter... and you know how to get that next chapter to be posted more quickly? That's right, **review**_! _ Oh, I am shameless, I know...  
  
Sorry this took so long to update, but I was having fanfiction.net troubles, as were many others I suspect.  
  
Oh, and as usual, the quotes from What's My Line, Part 2 were from buffyworld.com.


	22. Fight in a Cave

Chapter 22: Fight in a Cave  
  
We're not friends, Buffy said.  
  
Spike stuttered, bewildered. _Ok, one, where the hellmouth had that come from, and two, _**what**_?!  
  
_I said, we're not friends, she repeated slowly.  
  
Oh, I heard you the first time! But where the bloody hell is that coming from, and what do you mean, we're not friends? After everything we've been through... I understand you'll never love me, and that's... well, not fine, but I accept it. But now you say we're not even _friends_? What the bloody -  
  
The Slayer interrupted his rant. We're _not _friends.  
  
He was about to explode at her, maybe hit her to see if she was just stuck, like a broken record, when she continued.  
  
You said you and my _other _friends, implying that you and I are friends... well... Buffy took a deep breath, wondering if he would recognize her words. We'll never be friends. We'll be.... she swallowed, deciding she still couldn't say that next line, skipping to the one after that. We'll fight, and we'll shag, and we'll hate each other till it makes us quiver, but we'll never be friends.  
  
Spike stared at her, comprehension slowly dawning.  
  
She was paraphrasing something he'd once said to her and Angel, so long ago, when the two were trying to pretend that they were only friends...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lover's Walk ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike (facing Angel and Buffy in the magic shop):   
  
You're _not _friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. (points at his temple) Love isn't brains, children, it's blood... (clasps his chest) blood screaming inside you to work its will.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Admittedly, she'd skipped the bits that involved that dreaded word love,' but he knew she had a problem with that term. Even without it, though...  
  
Once again, he leaned towards her and took her hands in his. She glanced away, but he didn't let that deter him, recognizing it as yet one more of her defense mechanisms.  
  
Buffy, pet, what exactly are you saying?  
  
She took a deep breath. _Now or never_. Finally turning to face him, she said, Spike, I-  
  
With that oh-so-impeccable timing that catastrophe often showed on the Hellmouth, it was at this moment that they both felt and heard the gang of vamps approaching.   
  
Grabbing the stakes they were never without, the Slayer and the vampire sprang to their feet, standing in identical defensive stances.  
  
Buffy urgently hissed, Spike? How the hell did they get here?  
  
Sheepishly, he said, Um, guess there's a back entrance...  
  
One which he and Xander had failed to find, hidden as it was behind part of the cave wall. They'd been too distracted by the plan, and by their conversation.  
  
Their short exchange of phrases was all they had time for before the first vampire rounded the corner.  
  
As the vamps came closer down whatever corridor they were in, the two could hear the leader saying, All right boys, you know what to do. I want Egabarge alive. He'll pay for that double-crossing... the head honcho trailed off as he rounded the rocks which hid the passage, spotting Spike and Buffy.  
  
Well, well, well, what have we here?  
  
Spike thought fast. The vamp's words explained that mess he and Xander had found. This Egabarge guy probably had been here, but must have cleared out in a hurry. Since it didn't look like the resident intended on returning, Spike and Xander cleared the debris and thought no more about it.  
  
Hoping the usually impulsive Slayer would restrain herself, Spike said, We're not who you're looking for, so why don't you go and look for him elsewhere. Like, now. _Maybe we can still talk our way out of this and go back to our conversation, _he thought, not believing that for an instant.  
  
The boss laughed as he walked a step farther into the cave. Spike and Buffy tensed, ready to attack if he came any closer.  
  
And why would we let such tasty morsels such as you and this pretty gal go free?  
  
Spike vamped, and the leader took a step back. Because I'm a vampire, and she's the Slayer.  
  
A short, scrawny vampire came around the bend from the hidden passageway. His eyes widened in recognition as he saw the bleached blonde.  
  
He tugged on the boss's sleeve. Hey, Biff! That's the traitor, the one who killed your brother, Darren!  
  
Biff's eyes narrowed. The two were dangerous, if the girl was really the Slayer, but.... she looked too little. And if the vampire had really killed his brother, well then.... he shouted to his gang behind him.   
  
Stupidly, he charged forward at Spike, who shifted so that Biff impaled himself on the upheld stake.   
  
_One down,_ _who knows how many more to go,_ Spike thought grimly.  
  
The smaller vamp hung back as the rest of the gang rushed in.  
  
Spike and Buffy tried to remain where they were, close to the entrance to the hidden passage, so that the vamps who came through wouldn't be able to surround them. This tactic worked for a moment before an extremely large vampire came lumbering through and tackled both the Slayer and her companion.  
  
The vamp built like a football player was staked and the two were back up in moments, but by then the vampire gang were all in the cave with them.  
  
It was a rather large gang, Spike saw. Glancing around, he guesstimated there were about 15 or 20. A difficult and dangerous number, even for the Slayer and the rebel vamp.  
  
For a time, the two warriors fought back to back, before the pull of battle dragged them apart.  
  
Spike was somewhat surprised to hear Buffy quipping, as she would have in previous times.  
  
We - were- trying - to - have - a - conversation - you - morons! In between each word was a punch, kick, or staking.   
  
Sometime during the fray, Buffy staked a vampire who quickly fell backward as he disintegrated, taking her stake with her. Spike! Got an extra-  
  
Guessing her predicament, Spike threw her a stake without even looking; without a glance, she caught it, a brief reminder of how well attuned they were to one another.  
  
Buffy and Spike both received minor wounds as they worked their way through the vampires; Buffy's left wrist was sprained, possibly broken, and Spike had been slashed in the side by a vampire who, oddly enough, had been carrying a knife.  
  
But overall, they were doing pretty well for a while. Buffy, who'd been too busy with her job to really do much training, was slowing down. As always, even though the distraction could prove fatal, Spike was keeping an eye out for her.  
  
As he staked the little annoying twerp who'd spoken before the fight, he caught a glimpse of a vampire grasping the stake Buffy had lost, creeping up behind her.   
  
Spike was just a few yards to Buffy's right. He was distracted by another vampire, to whom he turned and quickly dealt with. By the time he turned back to Buffy, the other vampire was lunging towards her unprotected back, stake upraised.   
  
There was no time to warn the Slayer, nor any to think. Using all of his vampiric speed, Spike moved himself between the dangerous stake and his love.  
  
Having staked the two vampires she'd been wrestling with for several minutes, and sensing something behind her, Buffy turned. She was just in time to see Spike move between her and the threat to her life.  
  
With horror, she saw a stake - _her _stake- protrude from his back.  
  
she shrieked.  
  
Spike weakly turned to her. he murmured.  
  
Taking advantage of her distraction, two vampires rushed her, knocking her to the ground.  
  
Within moments, the Slayer had staked them both. She was on a rampage, screaming her rage, moving like never before. It was as if she'd tapped into the essence of her Slayer abilities, as she whirled, kicked, punched, staked.   
  
It took only minutes for her to kill the 6 or 7 vampires left.   
  
Suddenly realizing she'd run out of opponents, she looked around desperately to where she'd last seen Spike, hoping for some sort of miracle, for him to still be there, here, with her, never leaving her, loving her.   
  
There was nothing but dust.  
  
A/N:   
  
Wow! I got a great response, review-wise.... and look, see, another chapter! Lots of reviews, another chapter up quickly... think there's a connection? ;0)  
  
Ivy: No, at least so far Spike hasn't interacted with Connor, but Spike and Angel _did _have a soul-to-soul talk when Angel helped Spike to bed that first night (chapter 11) - it just wasn't shown. However, I always planned on their discussion being mentioned later on, possibly even a full flashback. That's still several chapters away though. Glad you like the story!  
  
Bonus points to Casey, Mistified, Tobert, and wolf116 for guessing what the we're not friends' really meant; extra to wolf116 for guessing about the Lover's Walk speech!! Guess I'm kinda predictable, huh... hopefully the vamp attack was unexpected!  
  
spikesmine9: Uh, thanks for the death threat... I think... ;-)  
  
Thanks to all those mentioned above, as well as poisonivy, Nikki, ms trick, ShawThang, hammy, WickedWiccan and Chibi Chaos Mage. You don't know how much your reviews mean to me.  
  
Sorry this chapter is so short, but it's the length it needed to be.   
  
Review!!!!


	23. Confusion in a Cave

Chapter 23: Confusion in a Cave  
  
**************  
_Summary_:  
  
Buffy rescues Spike from the cave (last scene in However, it's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day.  
  
Buffy comes home and is attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, convinced them that the real Buffy is the First.  
  
Buffy gathers supplies to go help Spike. She briefly talks with Xander. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Buffy returns to the cave. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue).   
  
Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk about forgiveness. By now, it's sundown, so they set out for home, where they unexpectedly find Riley.  
  
Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working and tries to kill Spike.  
  
Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted, though eventually all is sorted out.  
  
Buffy decides they can branch out and sends some people over to stay with Xander. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Faith and Buffy talk, fight vamps, and talk some more.  
  
Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side. Xander is upset when he finds they slept together.   
  
Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.  
  
One case Buffy dealt with caused her to decide that she couldn't be emotionally close to anyone again, for fear of her shutting down if they got killed.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk; Buffy tries to restrain all emotion.  
  
Spike remembers how he made up with both Xander and Giles. He talks to Dawn, and they make up, too.   
  
There is a Scooby meeting (without Buffy). They discuss how Buffy needs to feel again in order to fight well. They decide Spike will try and get her to feel again.  
  
Spike has a nice talk with Willow.  
  
The trap is set, and Buffy falls for it. She and Spike are now trapped in a cave.  
  
They start discussing Buffy's problems. Buffy is just about to reveal something important to Spike when they are attacked by vampires. Buffy sees Spike staked.  
  
**********************************************************  
  
Suddenly realizing she'd run out of opponents, Buffy looked around desperately to where she'd last seen Spike, hoping for some sort of miracle, for him to still be there.  
  
There was nothing but dust.  
  
*****  
  
_This can't... this can't be happening...  
  
_In her distress, Buffy began shouting, looking up toward the heavens as if for an answer.   
  
**_Why?! _**Why did this have to happen, why now, why after everything, why leave me here to suffer without him? Haven't I done enough, lost enough, sacrificed enough? Jenny, Angel, my mother, Tara... my own life, and heaven, and now _him_....  
  
Buffy, that strong Slayer who'd sworn that she'd never allow her emotions to control her again, broke down. She fell to her knees, sobbing. Out of a need for some outlet for her emotions, she began pounding the nearby cave wall until her hands bled. Finally, all of her strength left her, and she collapsed on the floor, longing for oblivion.  
  
Instead, she heard a noise that nearly made her heart stop.   
  
A very familiar voice called out,   
  
Illogical hope flaring up once again, she leapt up and turned, searching for the source of that wonderful, magical sound.  
  
There was Spike, beautiful in the white light of the moon, alive... well, undead, and unhurt. He was looking at her with one of his insufferable, lovable, trademark smirks.  
  
Buffy breathed, hardly believing her eyes.  
  
What's the matter, luv? You look like you've seen a ghost.  
  
You... I thought you were dead.  
  
As much as she wanted to run to him and hold him, and have him hold her, something kept her back. Besides, just seeing him again, talking to him again, knowing he was all right, was enough. She drank in the sight of his lovely form.  
  
Been dead a long time, he responded.  
  
No, I mean... I thought you were gone.  
  
Oh, that. You thought I'd gone and let myself get staked, and left you like... well, let's see, your father, Angel, Riley, Giles.... oh, and even me, after I tried to _rape _you, after insisting that I loved you and that I'd never hurt you.  
  
Now Buffy was confused. Spike almost never used Angel's and Riley's actual names. And the way he'd mentioned the attempted rape was more mocking than the usual self recriminating style she'd become accustomed to since he won his soul.  
  
But her mind was on overload: first, believing that Spike was really and truly gone, and then seeing him whole and healthy - it was all a bit too much for her to handle.  
  
So all she could come up with to say was, Huh? What?  
  
Wow, I guess every guy in your life has left you... oh, except the useless Xander, who barely counts as a guy, anyway.  
  
I-I thought you were friends with him now, Buffy said, shaking her head in confusion. _What's going on? What's wrong with him?  
  
_Spike laughed. It was an evil, cruel laugh, one she'd not heard him use in a long time.  
  
_Friends_? With that worthless, pathetic excuse for a human? Oh, I don't think so. In fact, I'm not really friends with any of them. I'm just waiting until their backs are turned and then, Spike vamped out and made a rude, smacking noise and licked his lips suggestively.   
  
Buffy turned from him in horror and disgust, her mind still in a turmoil.  
  
Seeing her face, he gave another cruel laugh. Did you actually expect anything different? You really believed I loved you, after all that I've done to you? The soul makes no difference; I'm still just an evil demon, one you were chosen to kill. I could never love you. Demons can't love, didn't you know that, Slayer? he sneered.  
  
_Spike would _never _say any of those things... he, of all people, knows that demons _can _love..._  
  
Finally, _finally_, Buffy saw clearly what was going on. She was calmer now, better able to think.  
  
She turned to address him. So, what is this? Try and ruin my memories of him? It won't work.  
  
Seeing that she'd caught on, the First shifted to a different form: Angel's.   
  
Buffy, I left you for your own good, you know, not so you could end up with some monster like Spike. There was a brief pause before the image vamped out and said savagely, Was it good for you, too?  
  
Before Buffy could respond, the First shifted again, this time taking Tara's image. I tried to help you, Buffy... I guess I failed. After all, it's your fault I'm dead.  
  
Next came her mother. Buffy, I can't believe this. I thought we talked about this... but you've always been a disappointment. If you really loved me, you'd respect my wishes and give up the slaying all together, have a normal life like I always wanted you to have.  
  
In her best valley girl style, Buffy rolled her eyes and said, Yeah, whatever. Look, the way I remember Spike... and the way I'm so totally gonna kick your ass... you're not gonna change any of that with some fancy tricks and words. Give it up.  
  
Seeing the Slayer was not to be budged, the First changed to Buffy's own form, trying to get in a few parting shots.  
  
Well now, how pathetic was that? It took me, what... five, ten minutes to realize I was conversing with the First?   
I once asked you what it meant about you when your little friends couldn't tell you apart from me... now the question is, what does it mean when you can't tell the difference between ultimate evil and your boyfriend, someone you knew so well? For all you know, I've killed all of your friends and replaced them with images of myself. After all, you'd never notice the difference.  
  
With that last spiteful remark, the First disappeared in its usual flashy manner.  
  
For a moment, Buffy remained standing. She was proud of herself, the way she'd pulled it together when she needed to. As she leaned back against the cave wall, she murmured, He was right. I _can _do this... emotions and all.  
  
_Of course he was right. Isn't... wasn't he always? And I never told him... never told him that I - what was that?  
  
_At an almost subconscious level, the Slayer had sensed... something... what was it...  
  
Her vampire-radar was going off, she now realized. She'd been too distracted before, but now she could feel it. Had she missed one of the members of Biff's gang? Maybe they were in the corridor... or they could simply be hiding in the shadowy recesses of the cave.  
  
The Slayer prowled slowly around the dark perimeter of the cavern, searching for that hidden vampire setting her sensors off.  
  
_What was that over there... nope, just a rock... what about there? What is that? Looks like... black leather?_  
  
Distinguishing black leather from gray rocks with next to no light was pretty difficult, but Buffy had extraordinary good night vision (one of the many Slayer-perks). Commanding herself not to get her hopes up yet again, she slowly walked toward the leather-covered heap.   
  
Circling cautiously around the figure, she gasped when she spotted the white-blonde hair half-covered by the duster.  
  
She fell to her knees next to Spike, afraid to touch him, afraid that this was just another ploy of the First. But she had to know....  
  
Hesitantly, Buffy reached out and with one trembling finger touched Spike's cheek.  
  
She gasped in relief as she realized he was real. Her mind reeled. _He's here! He's really here! Oh, but why isn't he moving...._  
  
she whispered, then wondered why she was whispering. Repeating herself more loudly, she ran the back of her hand down the side of his face. Come on, Spike, wake up. Buffy kissed him lightly on the forehead.  
  
When she still saw no movement, she grasped his shoulders and shook him lightly, then again, harder, desperate for him to awaken.  
  
_Can vampires fall into comas? _At least she knew he couldn't be dead (-er than usual) since he wasn't dust, but she wasn't certain what to do now.  
  
Buffy gently rolled Spike onto his back, looking for injuries. She gasped at the gaping hole on the right side of his chest... she really _had _seen him staked, but the stake must have just missed his heart. She thanked whatever deity might be listening for that mercy.  
  
Running to heap of supplies where Spike had earlier gone for the bedding, she found a first aid kit. _Ah ha! Always be prepared... wonder if they had boy scouts back when Spike was a kid..._  
  
The Slayer gently slipped his leather coat off of him as best she could, her hurt wrist not helping the situation, and removed his shirt as well so she could see the damage he'd taken. She noticed he also had a nasty cut in his side. Between the staking and the slash, he'd lost a lot of blood.  
  
Having wrapped both wounds up as best she could, she sat by his side, longing to do something more for him.  
  
Unsure of what else to do, she ran and grabbed one of the pillows, thankful that it hadn't been completely destroyed in the fight.  
  
Buffy gently lifted his head and placed the white pillow under it. She remained by his side, helpless and hating it.   
  
Slowly, she saw the dark stain spread from underneath his head. Her eyes widened.  
  
_That would explain why he's still unconscious, all right._  
  
She had less experience wrapping up a head wound, and ran out of bandages halfway through, so she ripped Spike's already ruined shirt into strips to help.  
  
_Guess he'll just have to wear one of his other black shirts_, Buffy thought, trying to distract herself with thoughts of Spike's monochromatic wardrobe.  
  
She drifted off into sleep there, leaning against the cave wall, his hand clasped in hers.  
  
When Buffy awoke, about a half an hour later, she found that Spike still had not moved. Once again, she was unable to wake him. She sat back and thought.  
  
_What can I do? What more can I possibly do? Nothing I can do to help with the concussion... but all that blood loss isn't helping, either. And there's something I _can _do about that.  
  
_If the Slayer had been a bit more rational, she might have thought about the likelihood that there were some blood packets stashed away along with all the other supplies.   
  
But she wasn't feeling anywhere near rational. Still on emotional overload, worrying about her vampire, she came up with a different solution: her blood.  
  
After all, what could be better, more healing, for a vampire than a Slayer's blood?  
  
After sterilizing the sharp little knife she'd found in the first aid kit, she made a cut on her left arm.  
  
She propped Spike's head up on her lap. Holding his head still with her right hand, she moved her left arm so that the blood dripping from the cut fell into his slightly open mouth.  
  
At first, there was no reaction; he didn't swallow, causing some of her blood to spill out of his mouth and down his chin.  
  
_Am I too late? _Buffy feared that perhaps she was... wait, what was that?  
  
Did he... yes, he did! He swallowed! She choked back tears of joy, and moved her arm closer to his mouth.  
  
Spike vamped out and latched on to her arm; she gasped at the sensation, suddenly remembering when she'd forced Angel to drink from her.  
  
After another minute, just as she was beginning to feel lightheaded, Spike's eyes snapped open.  
  
Realization came a split second later, and he immediately thrust her arm away and tried to scramble backward. He was prevented from doing this by his injuries, and by Buffy, who had, as gently as possibly, grabbed one of his arms with her right hand.  
  
she said gently, It's ok.  
  
He looked at her, horror and dismay clear on his face. Spike rasped, No, Slayer, it's not ok! What... How could you... His strength and resolve left him at that moment, and he looked away.  
  
Spike, you're not fully healed yet... come lay down and we'll talk, ok?   
  
Buffy wasn't used to talking to Spike like this... soothing, entreating him. To her surprise, it wasn't as difficult as she might have once assumed.  
  
He hesitated for a moment, then nodded and lay back down. She quickly and gently lifted his head and replaced the pillow under it, turning the pillow over so the dark stain wouldn't show.  
  
she began, let's talk.  
  
********  
  
A/N:   
  
As always, thank you so much for the reviews. Hopefully, I got this out fast enough to prevent the ear infections, spontaneous combustions, and other odd things mentioned in reviews ;-)  
  
And hey, this time there was only one person (fitheach-stoirm) who guessed what was going to happen! So, that's improvement.  
  
Tobert- Yes, I do all these evil cliffhangers for reviews... I'm shameless, I know. Plus, it's fun! I'm also evil. :)  
  
Shawthang- I love the word guesstimate,' and use it all the time. It's a fun word.  
  
Thanks again for all the reviews! Please, keep it up!


	24. The Talk

Chapter 24: The Talk  
  
Buffy began, let's talk.  
  
I can't believe- the wounded vampire started, before he was interrupted.  
  
Excuse me, lemme rephrase that. _I'll _talk, you'll listen.  
  
Spike once again started to protest, but she cut him short, saying, You can talk all you want later... much later, since you still need to heal.  
  
He glared angrily up at here for a moment, and then he closed his eyes and nodded his head reluctantly, well aware that the Slayer would get her way in this, sooner or later; might as well be sooner.   
  
Besides, as reluctant as he was to admit it, he _was _feeling a bit weak, though the Slayer blood coursing through his system was helping him heal more quickly than usual.  
  
As Buffy tried to figure out where to start, she gently began playing with his hair, careful to keep away from where he was wounded.  
  
Feeling her fiddling with his hair went a long way towards reconciling Spike to this situation, although he was still upset about the matter of her forcing him to feed on her. He actually shook as he remembered that, but the Slayer's fingers helped calm him down.  
  
Finally, Buffy began, deciding to go backwards, chronologically speaking.  
  
I know you're upset with me for making you drink my blood...  
  
Seeing him about to interrupt yet again, she continued quickly. But I had to. You were out cold, for a long time, and I was so scared... she said softly. Admitting that she was afraid wasn't easy for her, and thinking about that time when she thought he was dead certainly didn't help.   
  
As if sensing her thoughts, Spike managed to reach one hand up to press gently against her cheek. Buffy leaned against it briefly, taking comfort, before taking his hand with her free one and laying it back at his side, with a gentle squeeze.  
  
She continued. You lost a lot of blood. Between the staking, the slash at your side, and the head wound... I knew you weren't dead, since you weren't dust, but I wanted - no, _needed_- you to wake up.  
  
He perked up at this admission. _This is certainly encouragin'! Though with the way th' Slayer goes hot and cold, ya never know..._ _Next second she might be screechin' at me..._  
  
But no, she went on in the same soft tone. So, you needed blood. Which I have a lot of. And I know, from previous experience, the healing power it has for vampires.  
  
Spike growled quietly at the reminder of his grandsire.  
  
Buffy heard the growl, but ignored it. I-I guess now that I think about it, there's probably some blood with the rest of the supplies.  
  
The prone figure nodded.  
  
But I wasn't. Thinking, I mean. Anyway... look, Spike, this was my decision to make, ok? I don't regret it, and I don't want you to, either. I trust you; you're not going to get all blood-lusty on me now just cause you had a taste of me... of my blood, I mean.  
  
How do you know I'm not going to go all blood-lusty' on you?  
  
The Slayer felt the urge to smack him, and had to remind herself that they were communicating verbally now, not physically. Were you listening to me? she snapped. I _said _I trusted you, ok? Just... deal with it. I don't really see what your problem is, anyway.  
  
Don't see what my problem is? Buffy, one of the things the First liked to torment me with was images of me sucking you dry... It kept telling me how much you wanted me to, how much I wanted to...  
  
But those weren't real! Buffy protested.  
  
See, that's the thing, Slayer... I _do _want to...  
  
Instead of running away in horror, as Spike had figured she would, Buffy paused to reflect. But you never would. It was a statement, not a question. You're a vampire, Spike; it's natural - well, natural in a supernatural kind of way - for you to want to drink my blood.  
  
Spike was surprised to see that she understood. She was right; it _was _natural for him to thirst for her blood. Having had a taste of it, however, made it just that much more difficult to deny his desire._  
  
_But he couldn't be mad at her for making him drink her blood, not really, because it showed how much she cared, how worried she was. In a way, he almost didn't mind the comparison to her feeding Angel, since he knew she'd done that out of love...  
  
Out loud, however, all he said was, Fine, I'll deal. Go on, what else? Spike sensed that there was more to be said.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she told him. The First came to me. In your form... after the fight, after I'd seen you get staked... and I thought you were dead, and then it came to me, looking like you, and saying these awful things...   
  
Spike reached up as best he could to calm the distraught Slayer. Buffy began crying, automatically choking back her tears.  
  
Buffy, luv... it's just me here. Let it all out.  
  
Amazingly enough, she did. She sobbed, resting her head on his less-injured left side. He managed to raise a hand, caressing her hair and murmuring, That's it, pet, that's right. It's ok to cry...  
  
I-I was j-just s-so scared! she hiccuped.  
  
Her words of a moment ago came back to him, as he asked, You thought I was dead?  
  
He felt her nod against him. It was awful...  
  
As heart-wrenching as it was for Spike to see Buffy in pain, he knew that in the end, this was a good thing... provided she didn't try and pretend it never happened. But he couldn't remember ever seeing her really be this open, allowing this much emotion to show. He wasn't really surprised that it would be with him that she could open up; after all, she'd gone to him when she needed someone to talk to after being ripped out of heaven.  
  
After a few more minutes, she started to calm down.  
  
Feeling better now, luv?  
  
She nodded, and sat back up. Thank you... for everything.  
  
Spike just smiled up at her, silently telling her, It was my pleasure.'  
  
Clearing her throat, Buffy said, There's more I have to tell you.  
  
She preceded to tell him everything that had transpired, including seeing him be staked, her rage and the fight following that, and the hurtful words the First had spoken to her. She ended with: You were right. My emotions do make me stronger. I kicked some serious vampire ass after seeing you staked... And then later, when I realized it was the First, it was _so_ awful, but I still held it together when I needed to.  
  
Her vampire smiled again. In some ways, it felt as though Buffy was truly alive for the first time since being raised from the dead.  
  
They sat there for a moment in pleasant silence.  
  
Yawning, Buffy broke the spell. I think it's about time we got some sleep. Looking around, she saw some of the bedding. There was enough to make one pallet. Getting up reluctantly from Spike's side, she brought the bedding over to where Spike lay and set it up there.   
  
Carefully, she helped Spike onto it, sliding in after him. Buffy curled up as best she could against him, keeping carefully away from where he was injured. Besides the one time in the cave, after rescuing him, Buffy had never really allowed herself the luxury of relaxing here, by his side. Falling asleep with him was so pleasant.  
  
_Like a big teddy bear... or safety blanket. Yeah, that's it; he's my big safety blanket... _she giggled softly at her thoughts as she drifted into sleep.  
  
Spike followed her soon after. Being slashed, staked, thrown into a wall (at least, that's how he presumed he got his concussion), and dealing with his love's emotional outburst had drained him. But he decided that, all in all, that night had been a success.  
  
******  
  
A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews; I'm not sure if this chapter would have ever been written w/out them! Sorry it took so long to get out and is so short. My stupid muse has decided to take a vacation... sigh... don't worry though, she promised she'd be back soon.


	25. Talk of Spike

Chapter 25: Talk of Spike  
  
**********************************************************  
_Summary_:  
  
Buffy rescues Spike from the cave (last scene in ). However, it's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day.  
  
Buffy comes home and is attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, convinced them that the real Buffy is the First.  
  
Buffy gathers supplies to go help Spike. She briefly talks with Xander. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Buffy returns to the cave. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue).   
  
Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk about forgiveness. By now, it's sundown, so they set out for home, where they unexpectedly find Riley.  
  
Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working and tries to kill Spike.  
  
Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted, though eventually all is sorted out.  
  
Buffy decides they can branch out and sends some people over to stay with Xander. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Faith and Buffy talk, fight vamps, and talk some more.  
  
Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side. Xander is upset when he finds they slept together.   
  
Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.  
  
One case Buffy dealt with caused her to decide that she couldn't be emotionally close to anyone again, for fear of her shutting down if they got killed.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk; Buffy tries to restrain all emotion.  
  
Spike remembers how he made up with both Xander and Giles. He talks to Dawn, and they make up, too.   
  
There is a Scooby meeting (without Buffy). They discuss how Buffy needs to feel again in order to fight well. They decide Spike will try and get her to feel again.  
  
Spike has a nice talk with Willow.  
  
The trap is set, and Buffy falls for it. She and Spike are now trapped in a cave.  
  
They start discussing Buffy's problems. Buffy is just about to reveal something important to Spike when they are attacked by vampires. Buffy sees Spike staked.  
  
The First takes Spike's form, taunting Buffy. She later finds Spike and patches him up and feeds him some of her blood. He wakes, and they talk. Buffy's emotional barriers finally break down.  
  
**********************************************************  
  
Despite how tired they both were, Spike and Buffy managed to get up before the troops could arrive for their rescue.' They agreed that it'd be easier to go out the hidden passageway, given their injuries.  
  
Appearing above the cave with ropes, ready to extricate the Slayer and the vampire through a sufficiently large hole in the cavern's roof, the Scoobies were alarmed upon realizing that their friends weren't there. However, just before they had begun to truly panic (Willow already setting up a locater spell), the two in question emerged from the woods. The slash on Spike's side had opened up on their way, and Buffy had to patch him up again.  
  
After many loud exclamations were made on the part of the Scoobies, the whole group headed home, Buffy insisting that explanations could wait until they had Spike properly bandaged up.   
  
She kept close to his side the whole way home, supporting him whenever he needed it. They had to hurry a bit, to beat the oncoming dawn.  
  
Spike privately admitted that it was a good thing that Buffy had fed him her blood; as it was, the going was tough, and without that powerful Slayer blood in his system, he feared he would have passed out. Thankfully, he was able to wait until he was safely back at the house and in Buffy's room (where she insisted he stay) before collapsing.  
  
Once he had been taken care of properly, Buffy met with the core Scoobies in the basement.  
  
So, what happened? Dawn asked worriedly. Since the idea had originally been hers, she felt somewhat responsible for whatever had happened to her sister and surrogate big brother.  
  
Buffy sighed. It's a bit of a long story...  
  
She went on to tell all of it, leaving out only some of the most private, personal things. However, she did admit to her emotional breakdown, though she gave no details. It was much harder for her to talk to this group about her problems than it had been with Spike; but after her revelation the night before, the Slayer had decided it was time to open up. And if she couldn't trust the Scoobies, who could she trust?  
  
The Scoobies were quiet when she finished. Anya, blunt as ever, asked the question that was on everyone's mind: So, are you and Spike back together? Should we be expecting loud noises coming from your bedroom from now on?  
  
Buffy, a bit nonplussed by Anya's statement, started to open her mouth to vehemently deny her having any feelings towards the ensiled vamp, just out of habit. For once, she thought before she spoke, and closed her trap.   
  
The Scoobies all stared at her curiously. If Buffy hadn't known better, she would have guessed by their facial expressions that they were hoping for a   
  
Trying to be honest, Buffy told them, I don't know. I don't think so...   
  
Disappointment was on all of her friends' faces, especially Dawn and Willow's.  
  
Despite what she thought she was reading from her friends' expressions, Buffy needed to be sure. Would you all be ok with it if we were together?  
  
Everyone nodded, Dawn practically jumping in her seat in her eagerness.  
  
The Slayer looked around in amazement. This is just so... wow... a change... Giles, not that I'm complaining, but I'm surprised that you would condone me having another relationship with vampire.  
  
To Buffy's surprise, Giles didn't start cleaning his glasses. Instead, he leaned forward, looking earnestly at the girl he regarded as if she were his daughter. Buffy, circumstances here are completely different than they were with Angel. For one thing, you're much older and more responsible now; for another, Spike _chose _to have a soul- which to me, is absolutely incredible. Especially since I know what he went through to get it, as I had him describe his trials for him so I could transcribe them into my Watcher journals. And I... I can't tell you the source for this, but I believe that Spike with a soul may be just what you need, what you deserve.  
  
Giles thought back to what Spike had told him...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Giles rubbed his eyes wearily. He'd written down all of what Spike had told him so far, including how he found out about this demon in Africa, his travel there, and most importantly, the trials. _Dear Lord, the things he faced... _  
  
As a Watcher on the Hellmouth, Giles had seen many horrible things; as the Ripper, he'd done many horrible things. But he was still shocked at Spike's tale..._  
  
_....So then the demon says somethin' bleedin' stupid an' obvious, like You've endured the required trials.'   
  
Giles snapped back to the real world, focusing on Spike. Yes, right, let me just get this down... He scratched hurriedly in his notes. And then?  
  
Lemme think... I said somethin' like Bleedin' right I have.' Spike snorted.   
  
Giles was confused. Wait, you said Wanker' to this demon?  
  
No, Rupes, I just said the bleedin' right part, Spike said, rather shortly. He was getting tired of this, especially since these weren't memories he cared to be drudging up.  
  
All right, the Watcher said, Please continue.  
  
Uh... right. Spike looked away, slightly embarrassed as he remembered his sappy-sounding wording. So then I say to the demon, So you'll give me what I want. Make me what I was. So Buffy can get what she deserves.'   
  
Giles looked at the ensiled vampire interestedly. Really? That was your exact wording?  
  
Spike shrugged. Yeah, I think so... Look, th' sun's set, I'm leavin'.  
  
While Giles wished to discuss what exactly Spike had meant by what he said to the demon, he knew better than to try and keep the vampire. Which was just as well, since the vampire in question was already out the door.  
  
But the vampire's tale had given Giles much to think about. Like wish-granting, the way these things worked was by what the demon did with your words, not what you meant.  
  
Spike's first two sentences were rather ambiguous. But the third was less so. _Spike with a soul is what Buffy deserves? Ridiculous... and yet..._  
  
The idea had stuck with him, often remembered as he watched his Slayer and the vampire interact.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Giles was pulled back to the present by the Scoobies, who were offering their own approving comments of Spike.  
  
Dawn piped up. Yeah, and he's hot.  
  
Willow chimed in, saying, And he's smarter than you might think.  
  
Not wishing to feel left out, Anya added, And, from what I remember, he gives lots of orgasms.  
  
Everyone cringed at the reminder of his and Anya's tryst. To his credit, all Xander said was, He's a good pool player, too.  
  
Despite the fact that he'd already had his say, Giles couldn't help but remind them that, And, he's British. He had always felt a bond with the bleached blonde because of their shared nationality.   
  
Buffy finally recovered from her initial shock. Her friends actually _liked_ Spike!  
  
Wow... you guys.... um, thanks... I think I have some thinking to do... about stuff... If you'll excuse me...  
  
Buffy wandered upstairs, mind busy with all that had been said.  
  
*****  
  
Alone on the back porch, Buffy pondered. _What had Giles meant by Spike with a soul being what I need, what I deserve?_  
  
She thought more on that word, _deserve, _and back to all of what she'd done in the past to Spike, especially that past year. For the most part, she'd forgiven herself, but it was hard.   
  
_Do I deserve him? Maybe instead of him not being good enough for me, I'm not good enough for him...  
  
_But she quickly dispelled thoughts of that nature. She didn't want to be hypocritical; she'd told Spike he needed to forgive himself, and she knew she had to do the same.   
  
Buffy sunk her head onto her folded arms with a groan. She was getting a bit of a headache from all the stress, and decided she probably just needed some sleep... she'd call in sick today at work.  
  
After grabbing one of the SIT's and asking her to tell Giles that she was going to bed and he should call the school to let them know, Buffy headed up to her room.  
  
She'd forgotten she had a sleeping vamp already in her bed. She paused momentarily, looking at Spike.   
  
_Do I love him? How do I know? I feel something for him, that's for damn sure, but is it love? It's different than it was with Angel, but does that mean it isn't love? It'd be so nice to just, ya know, _know_, whether you were really in love with someone... how do I figure this out?_  
  
The Slayer groaned softly. Thoughts like this were what sent her rushing to bed in the first place.  
  
Having changed into her pajamas quietly, Buffy crept under the covers and curled up next to Spike, resolving to figure out her feelings some other time.  
  
  
**********  
A/N: Sorry this took so long and was kinda a pointless chapter... my stupid muse apparently is still on vacation.


	26. Interlude with a Vampire and a Slayer

Chapter 26: Interlude with a Vampire (and a Slayer)  
  
Spike awoke, aware of someone next to him. Glancing over, he saw Buffy, who was laying on her side, gazing at him.  
  
He stretched a bit, wincing as his stake-wound pulled.  
  
Turning his head to look at the Slayer, he murmured,   
  
she responded softly.  
  
Whatcha doin'? he asked, curious. She had a funny expression on her face, one he couldn't quite figure out. And that look in her eyes...  
  
  
  
Bout what?  
  
You. Me. Us.  
  
There's an he asked, trying to keep his hope from showing, and failing miserably.  
  
That's what I've been thinking about. Whether there is, or should be.  
  
Spike swallowed. He sensed that what they said in this conversation could determine what their future would be- or if they would even have a future together.  
  
And? Come up with any conclusions? To his embarrassment, his voice cracked on the last word.  
  
A few.  
  
The vampire was growing a bit impatient. Care to share with the rest of the class?  
  
Buffy sat up, back against the pillows, and looked away nervously. She couldn't concentrate with his blue eyes looking at her, through her.   
  
Remember how I said something about leaving all the deep, serious stuff till after we avert this apocalypse?  
  
he breathed softly. Had she changed her mind? On the one hand, the wait was killing him; on the other hand, he wasn't sure he wanted to know what she decided.   
  
Firmly, Buffy said, Screw that.  
  
Pushing away her nervousness, Buffy turned abruptly, leaned over, and kissed him, hard.  
  
After a shocked moment, Spike kissed her back.  
  
Needing to breathe, and wanting to stop things before they got too intense, she pulled back.  
  
Spike regarded her warily. As great as that had been, he didn't want any misunderstandings to get in the way this time; also, he needed reassurance that this was going to be about more than the physical.  
  
So he asked cautiously, What was that about?  
  
Buffy took a deep breath. She'd found that expressing herself verbally was often harder than doing so physically.  
  
It was my way of saying I'd like there to be an us.'   
  
Spike just stared up at her, silent, unsure as to what exactly she meant by that statement.   
  
She glanced down at him, wondering what he was thinking. Irrationally worried, she asked, You do want there to be an us... right?  
  
Groaning, he sat up next to her so he could better face her. She helped him up as best she could.  
  
Looking at her seriously, he said quietly, Of course I do, Buffy. But I want to make sure this is an us' as in a relationship, not as in... well, not like whatever the hell it was that we had last year.  
  
Forcing herself to gaze directly into his eyes, Buffy said vehemently, Of course not! That was... like you said, not a relationship. I want this to be completely and totally different... less about the physical, and more about all the other stuff.  
  
Relieved, Spike smiled at her -a real, genuine smile. That's what I'd like, too. It's just that since your way of telling me you'd like there to be an us' was physical, I was worried that-  
  
Buffy cut him off. Oh! No, no, sorry... you're right, that probably was the wrong way to go about telling you. No, I mean... With a giggle, feeling like she was back in middle school, the Slayer asked, Spike, will you be my boyfriend?  
  
His smile grew at her words.  
  
Yeah, I think that can be arranged... His grin faltered as something occurred to him. On one condition.  
  
Worried, Buffy quickly gestured for him to continue.  
  
That everyone knows about us.' No more hiding, no more of me being your dark, little secret. Cause I won't do that, pet, I just won't.  
  
To Spike's surprise, she laughed. Of course! I want you to officially' be my boyfriend, for us to be an item, a couple, sweethearts, going steady, -  
  
He joined her laughter as he cut her off. All right, luv, all right! Point taken. Then yes, I would love to be your boyfriend.  
  
Smiling more broadly than she knew was possible, she asked almost shyly, Spike? I know we said this wasn't going to be _all _about the physical... but can I kiss you?  
  
In reply, Spike leaned forward, taking her face gently in his hands, and kissing her thoroughly.  
  
Once again, she broke to catch her breath.   
  
Unwilling to break this happy mood, but wanting to be certain that she was clear, Buffy once again turned serious.  
  
Spike, I need you to know that... well, I don't know if I love you. Yet. I mean, I want to find out, and you're so different now, and I'm so different, and everything's so different-  
  
Spike cut off her babbling with a gentle kiss. Forehead resting against hers, he said, Hush, luv, I understand, and that's fine. I'm just glad you're giving me - or rather, _us _- a chance.  
  
Buffy smiled at him, relieved that he understood. She thought back to a time, not so long ago, when she'd cursed his ability to know her so well, and decided she was definitely glad things had changed.  
  
Closing what little space remained between their faces, they shared another gentle kiss.  
  
  
********  
A/N:   
  
Tobert and ms trick- glad you guys liked the Scooby bit! As always, thanks for reviewing.  
  
nostromo- WOW. I'm seriously flattered. This chapter coming out so quickly is mainly due to your lovely review. Thank you so much.   
I actually decided to write fanfic cause I thought I had some writing talent, but was having trouble expressing it. So again, thank you! By the way, if you've never tried fanfic, you might want to... I'm not much of a creative writer, either, but it worked for me! It's a lot easier when you already have the situation and characters set up. And as you noted, as a writer you get to let the plot and people mature, to make the story your own.


	27. My Boyfriend, the Vampire

Chapter 27: My Boyfriend, the Vampire  
  
**********************************************************  
_Summary_:  
  
Buffy rescues Spike from the cave (last scene in ). However, it's sunrise, so he'll have to remain there for the day.  
  
Buffy comes home and is attacked by the Potentials. Somehow, the First, in Buffy's form, convinced them that the real Buffy is the First.  
  
Buffy gathers supplies to go help Spike. She briefly talks with Xander. As she leaves, she tells him that Spike is a good man, and that he should try and realize this.  
  
Buffy returns to the cave. Inadvertently, her thoughts lead her to Willow's Let my will be done spell' (Something Blue).   
  
Buffy tells Spike she doesn't know what her feelings are for him exactly, and asks for a rain check on the heavy, serious stuff till after they defeat the First.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk about forgiveness. By now, it's sundown, so they set out for home, where they unexpectedly find Riley.  
  
Riley informs Buffy that Spike's chip may not be working and tries to kill Spike.  
  
Angel appears, with Xander explaining that last he heard, he was Angelus. Faith and a mystery boy (Connor) show up. Lots of confusion as to whether or not people are to be trusted, though eventually all is sorted out.  
  
Buffy decides they can branch out and sends some people over to stay with Xander. Angel takes Spike upstairs, while Buffy and Faith go outside to talk.  
  
Faith and Buffy talk, fight vamps, and talk some more.  
  
Buffy thinks about Spike, and the dangers of getting too close emotionally, to him or others. She sleeps by his side. Xander is upset when he finds they slept together.   
  
Xander comes home and complains to Anya about having to talk to Spike. She explains to him that his leaving her at the alter was, in some ways, worse than what Spike did to Buffy.  
  
One case Buffy dealt with caused her to decide that she couldn't be emotionally close to anyone again, for fear of her shutting down if they got killed.  
  
Spike and Buffy talk; Buffy tries to restrain all emotion.  
  
Spike remembers how he made up with both Xander and Giles. He talks to Dawn, and they make up, too.   
  
There is a Scooby meeting (without Buffy). They discuss how Buffy needs to feel again in order to fight well. They decide Spike will try and get her to feel again.  
  
Spike has a nice talk with Willow.  
  
The trap is set, and Buffy falls for it. She and Spike are now trapped in a cave.  
  
They start discussing Buffy's problems. Buffy is just about to reveal something important to Spike when they are attacked by vampires. Buffy sees Spike staked.  
  
The First takes Spike's form, taunting Buffy. She later finds Spike and patches him up and feeds him some of her blood. He wakes, and they talk. Buffy's emotional barriers finally break down.  
  
They go home, and Buffy discovers her friends truly like Spike and would be happy to see them together.   
  
Buffy and Spike are now officially a couple.  
  
**********************************************************  
  
At dusk, Buffy and Spike finally emerged from her bedroom. They held hands as they came down the stairs, causing several eyebrows to raise on those in the immediate vicinity.  
  
A few S.I.T's were there, as well as Dawn and Willow. Anya and Xander had gone back to his apartment after that morning's Scooby meeting. Giles and Connor were out back, training with some of the Potentials.  
  
Dawn looked at her sister for confirmation, silently asking if she and Spike were really a couple. With a small nod and a smile, Buffy let her know.  
  
Squealing in delight, Dawn leapt up from the couch to engulf her sister and Spike in a huge hug. Willow was right behind her with more hugs, while the SIT's in the room looked on bemusedly.  
  
Laughing at her sister and her friend's antics, over their excited remarks, Buffy told them, Yes, yes, we are really together... and listen, before we head out on patrol, I want all the troops together. We may as well go out back, since I guess that's where most everyone is. Can you two gather up any stragglers?  
  
  
  
Sure thing, Buff!  
  
The Slayer giggled as they went bouncing away.   
  
Drawing her into another room, Spike asked his girlfriend (and oh! how he loved that word) What's this about, pet?  
  
I told you we're not gonna be a secret.  
  
Yeah, but a meetin' just to let em know you have a new boyfriend?  
  
No, a meeting to let them know I have a new boyfriend who is a _vampire_. I need to talk about this with them, Spike, and make sure they know that these are unusual circumstances; or rather, that this is an extraordinary vampire. I don't want them to have any doubts about whether they're staking potential boyfriends; with two exceptions, vampires are Evil with a capital E, no questions, no hesitations that could get them killed.  
  
was all Spike said. He hadn't thought about the ramifications of their relationship on the Potentials, and felt slightly guilty for that. Buffy was right, the girls couldn't afford hesitations. They'd been confused enough by his presence as it was; explanations were clearly in order.   
  
All right, luv, do you want me at the meetin'?  
  
Hmmm.... yeah, you can back me up on the whole vampires are evil' thing... And no sarcastic remarks or anything that might confuse the girls, ok?  
  
As he followed her outside, clutching his hand to his heart in a dramatic gesture, Spike said, Me? Sarcastic? You wound me, luv, you wound me.  
  
Buffy laughed at his antics, feeling much freer in his presence. While she'd originally wanted to wait to straighten things out with him so that she could concentrate on the apocalypse at hand, she'd realized that not being with him was more distracting and more straining than if she just gave in to her feelings and was with him. Part of what had been holding her back was her fear of her friends' rejection, but most of it had just been her own fears and insecurities.  
  
****  
  
Buffy walked towards Xander's apartment, deep in thought. The meeting at her house had gone fairly well; the Scoobies were glad, the S.I.T.'s confused, but mostly catching the happy mood. There had been a few exceptions: Buffy had noticed Kennedy scowling at her. Thankfully, it looked as though Willow had stepped in and explained a few things.  
  
It was too late for Buffy to impart the news to everyone at Xander's; most would be out patrolling. But when Dawn had mentioned she'd heard Riley had been slightly wounded and wouldn't be patrolling, Buffy decided she ought to go talk to her ex.  
  
Trusting her patrolling duties with the SIT's to the other Scoobies at her house, Buffy had headed towards Xander's with no real plan in mind.  
  
Spike had, of course, looked rather doubtful as she'd explained what she wanted to do, but had acquiesced gracefully. While he didn't love the idea of Buffy visiting Soldier Boy, her wanting to tell her ex about them made him glad.  
  
Looking up, Buffy found she'd arrived at the apartment complex.  
  
A very surprised Riley answered her knock, nearly falling backward with his haste to let her in.  
  
B-Buffy! What are you- I mean, what a pleasant surprise! He stood aside an gestured for her to come in.  
  
She smiled slightly at him. Thanks, Riley. Come and sit down, I heard you were hurt.  
  
He hobbled over to her. Just a sprained ankle, no big deal. Can I get you anything to drink?  
  
No, thank you. Sit down, please, we need to talk.  
  
As they seated themselves, Buffy took this opportunity to study his face more carefully. The ugly scar was still there, but his face was more relaxed than it had been.  
  
Looking at her rather nervously, Riley asked, Buffy? What is it, what's wrong?  
  
Twisting her hands, she replied, Nothing's wrong, exactly... No, nothing's wrong, in fact something's quite right, at least for me. But I think maybe you might not think this is quite right, in fact I'm afraid you'll think it's quite wrong, really, but see, it's not, because.... she trailed off, seeing Riley's confused expression.  
  
Before he could question her, she started over. Right, forget that. Riley, I wanted to tell you that, well... Spike and I are together now, Buffy finished in a rush.  
  
To her surprise, his expression only changed slightly. There was a trace of disappointment in there, but little of the shock and rage she'd feared - and expected.  
  
Riley sighed. I can't say I'm happy about this... but I'll deal.  
  
Seeing her confusion, he explained. Xander and I have been talking a lot, lately... and Anya, too. I've gotten a pretty good picture of everything's that's happened since I left... and I get it, or at least I get it better than I did... What happened with Sam- he choked and looked away. Buffy laid her hand on his compassionately, silently offering comfort.  
  
Nodding gratefully at her, he continued. Well, that really shook me. I think I was pretty much off the deep end for a while. But I'm getting better now, I really am... it's just taking a long time to heal... Anyway, so I appreciate your telling me about this, I really do. But I'm all right, not gonna spaz out and try and stake Spike.  
  
Happy at this unusually peaceful conclusion, having expected much worse, Buffy hugged him gently.  
  
I'm glad you're getting better, Riley, and I'm glad you're trying to understand.  
  
She stood to leave. Pausing at the door, she turned around to look at him once more. And I'm glad you're here, fighting with us. I hear you've been doing a good job training the girls. Thank you.  
  
After catching his quiet, You're welcome, she left, happy to have that task over with.  
  
_Time to head home... and see if my boyfriend is back from patrolling...  
  
_Buffy giggled at the thought. She loved being able to officially' call Spike her boyfriend, but in some ways, the word just didn't seem to fit. Riley, yeah, he was a boyfriend' Scott, Owen, they'd been potential boyfriends.'  
  
But after all they'd gone through, Spike was more than just her boyfriend... how could their so incredibly unconventional relationship be described by so mundane a term? It really couldn't. But she had to have _something _to refer to him as... it became rather tiresome to explain that he was someone she trusted and liked but had hated in the past and now was confused about and maybe loved... nope, the term boyfriend' was much simpler.   
  
The Slayer took a shortcut through a graveyard on her way home, pleasantly surprised to only find one vampire to stake. All the patrols with the Potentials were really cutting down the number of demons around.  
  
Having happily pummeled and staked the lone vamp, Buffy headed home to her boyfriend.  
  
****  
A/N: Another short and somewhat random chapter... by the way, sorry for those of you who wanted Riley bashing... but I feel sorry for the guy, after what I put him through! I mean, Sam being turned and him having to stake her... so, anyway, no Riley bashing.  
  
My apologies also for lack of Spuffiness. There'll be more later, never fear!  
  
Thank you all so, _so _much for your lovely reviews! They're what make me want to keep writing.


	28. Another Interlude with a Vampire and a S...

Chapter 28: Another Interlude with a Vampire and a Slayer  
  
*****  
  
A/N: I'm going to start doing shorter summaries, just saying what happened to chapter before. If anyone would like me to go back to the longer versions, lemme know!  
  
*****  
  
Last chapter: Buffy and Spike tell everyone at her house they are a couple,' and Buffy talks to the S.I.T.'s about it. She goes to see Riley to tell him, and finds out that he's actually ok with it.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy arrived home to an empty house. _Guess they're still out patrolling... _She debated the possible merits of her going out and joining them, but since she didn't know where they'd be, she gladly gave it up as a lost cause.  
  
After taking a nice, long, hot bath (a luxury she hadn't been able to enjoy for quite some time), Buffy headed to bed. She had originally meant to stay up until everyone came home, but decided that was ridiculous; she needed all the sleep she could get and, besides, she had work the next day. So after shutting the windows and closing the curtains tightly in hopes of waking in a certain vampire's arms, Buffy crawled under the covers.  
  
It took her a bit longer than usual to fall asleep. Then she realized why: no Spike. He was so nice to cuddle with... and talk to... and be with... and love...  
  
******  
  
A few hours later, those who'd been out patrolling came home. As the S.I.T.'s settled down, Dawn asked Spike, Umm, I don't mean to pry, but where are you gonna be sleeping tonight?   
  
Seeing Spike's odd expression, she hastily explained, It's just I want to know if I should set up the cot in the basement again because we washed the sheets so I can go get some if you want-  
  
Spike interrupted the girl. No, but thanks, Niblet... I'm not sure where I'm sleepin', actually. I'll go see what Buffy says. And I know where the sheets are kept and, surprisingly enough, I can make a bed. So go on, get some rest.  
  
Dawn hugged her big brother,' and he gave her a peck on the forehead.  
  
Good night Spike.  
  
Night Bit. Good job tonight  
  
As Dawn bounded off to bed with a smile for his praise, Spike headed to Buffy's room. He tapped lightly on the door, peeking in when he got no response.  
  
Seeing Buffy's sleeping form, he crept into the room, closing the door quietly behind him.  
  
He stared down at her, so beautiful in the dark...  
  
That's when Spike noticed the closed curtains. Since the air smelled so fresh, he knew the windows must have been open earlier. Had Buffy shut the curtains, thinking of him, hoping he'd sleep here? He smiled at that thought.  
  
After changing into some comfortable pajama bottoms, he slid under the covers next to the sleeping Slayer.  
  
Buffy shifted a bit as he got into bed.  
  
she murmured sleepily.  
  
Yeah, luv, it's me... you don't mind me here, right?  
  
In answer, Buffy snuggled up against him, resting her head on his chest. Don't mind... you're my big, cool, teddy bear... with fangs. She giggled a bit, drunk with sleep.  
  
_A teddy bear, is it? I've gone from being the Big Bad, the Slayer of Slayers, to the Slayer's _teddy bear_... how far I've fallen.... _Then Spike stared at her beautiful face, so close to his. _But, bloody hell, look how much I've gained! _He sighed, happily, content to be his Slayer's teddy bear.  
  
He thought she'd gone back to sleep, but she once again mumbled,   
  
Yeah, luv?  
  
she agreed.  
  
Spike waited for a moment, seeing if that made any sort of sense.   
  
Nope.   
  
Yeah, what, luv?  
  
Yeah... luv... I love you, Spike.  
  
He felt the world flip upside down for a moment before righting itself. He was lightheaded, overjoyed, ridiculously happy - then reality set in. _Oh, bloody hell, you stupid git! She doesn't know what she's sayin'... she's sleepin'! Stupid bint... tormenting me even while she sleeps...  
  
_His thoughts were interrupted once again by Buffy's sleepy voice. And no, I'm not asleep... don't worry, Spike, I'll tell you again in the morning...  
  
Doubtful, but willing to accept that for now, Spike finally let himself drift off, his Slayer in his arms.  
  
*****  
  
The next morning, Buffy slowly awakened to the annoying sound of her alarm clock. After throwing it against the wall (breaking it, and making a mental note to buy yet another alarm clock), she looked at the pillow' she'd been sleeping on. Spike.  
  
Buffy remembered realizing that she really did love him before falling asleep, and vaguely remembered a conversation with him about that when he came in, although she thought that might have been a dream.  
  
Realizing she needed to get up and get ready, but wanting to talk to her vampire, she woke him up.  
  
she whispered, gently caressing his face. Wakey, wakey...  
  
He made a disgruntled noise deep in his throat, and screwed up his face in a grimace.  
  
Don't wanna... he mumbled, like a little kid.  
  
Buffy giggled. _Bet I can change that!  
  
_She leaned over and kissed him on the lips, starting out gently, but deepening the kiss as he started to respond.  
  
After a minute or so, she drew back, waiting for him to open his eyes.  
  
Spike did so slowly, smiling as he saw the beautiful face of his Slayer directly above him.  
  
he said softly.  
  
Hello, sleepyhead, she responded, equally softly, gazing into his blue eyes.  
  
He smiled, and leaned up slightly to kiss her. Mmmm... I could get used to waking up like this.  
  
Me, too, Buffy grinned. They stared at each other silently for a moment, before Buffy broke the silence. Hey, did we talk when you came in last night?  
  
Spike sat up, gently moving her away from him a bit. _Uh-oh, here it comes...  
  
_  
  
Oh... did I tell you I love you?  
  
  
  
Buffy smiled at his expression. Because I do.  
  
She leaned down once more to kiss him before bouncing out of bed, grabbing some clothes.  
  
I gotta go to work today, so I need to get ready. I'll talk to you before I leave, k?  
  
Spike was still in shock. Uh... would you mind saying that again?  
  
Pretending to misunderstand, Buffy repeated, I have to go to work today.  
  
He gave her a look, indicating he knew that she understood his meaning perfectly well.  
  
She gave in. All right... Spike, I love you. Happy now?  
  
He leapt out of bed and kissed her, long and hard. When she took a break for breathing, he whispered, Unbelievably, overwhelmingly, ridiculously happy.  
  
She smiled at him, and said seriously, Good. I'm glad. And I'm happy, too... I think we deserve a little happiness, don't you?  
  
Spike still had his doubts about his worthiness, but he merely smiled back and nodded, running his hands through her hair.  
  
Giving him one last look, Buffy headed off to the bathroom, anxious to get it before the S.I.T.'s.  
  
******  
  
A/N: Well! Everyone's happy, isn't that nice? Of course, this _is _the Buffyverse, and no one's happy here long....  
  
Thank you all so much for your reviews! Critiques are welcome along with the praise.  
  
  
  
_TammyDevil666_ - I'm happy you like this fic despite the fact that you don't find Spike hot (which I can't fathom - but hey, to each their own!). I'm sure you're not the only Riley-lover out there, don't worry!  
  
  
_random reader -_ Glad that you're liking this fic for the most part. If there is out of character-y-ness, some may be due to bad writing, but some may be due to the characters' developments, since I have been trying to evolve the characters a bit - don't know if I've succeeded though!


	29. The Answer

Chapter 29: The Answer  
  
After a long day of work, Buffy finally arrived home. She'd been able to shove most thoughts of her vampire to the back of her mind during the day, so she'd been able to concentrate on work, which was definitely of the good.   
  
_Hmmm... _she mused as she thought about this, _I guess us being together really _is _a good thing, not life-destroying or anything... just a wonderful relationship. Me, Buffy, in a good, healthy, strong, happy relationship. Who woulda thunk it?_  
  
She skipped in through the doorway, singing out, Honey! I'm home! Giggling and giddy, she bounced into the living room, where she had sensed Spike, anxious to see him.  
  
His face lit up at the sight of her, as she'd expected, but then quickly fell. Looking around at Willow and Giles, who were also seated at the table with the vampire, Buffy noticed their equally dour expressions.  
  
_Great... for once I'm in a really good mood, everything's going great... and then something apocalypsy has to come along and ruin it... _  
  
She pouted and sighed as she flopped down into a chair. All right, what is it? What's wrong now?  
  
The three looked anywhere but at her. Buffy sat up straight. If Spike wouldn't even meet her eyes, she knew it was serious.  
  
Finally, Giles spoke, though he addressed Spike. Do you want to tell her?  
  
Tell me what? demanded Buffy, exasperated.  
  
The vampire responded to Giles' question, ignoring the Slayer for the moment. I... I don't think that I can.  
  
Willow spoke up then. I don't think I can, either... Giles...?  
  
He sighed wearily, cleaning his glasses. Very well. I'll do it.  
  
Spike and Willow leapt to their feet, relieved and worried expressions on both their faces. With a shaky smile and a quick glance at Buffy, Willow left; Spike was right behind her, after murmuring, I love you and giving his Slayer a quick peck on the cheek.  
  
Buffy watched as the two ran out. Turning back to Giles, she asked, Ok, what's going on, Giles? I'm starting to wig out a bit.  
  
Giles cleared his throat and replaced his glasses. Well, we've discovered some new information about the First. I received this book earlier today from a fellow Watcher in Africa. I'd really love to know how he obtained it, this text was thought lost for centuries-  
  
Buffy interrupted impatiently. She wasn't just mad at him for going off on a tangent, as he so often did; what worried her the most was that he seemed to be talking about all this stuff to avoid telling her... well, whatever it was he didn't want to tell her.  
  
Right, right, not the point. Well, Buffy, we've discovered how to... well, not defeat the First, exactly, but bind it so that it can't do any more evil than in previous times.  
  
Buffy looked at him suspiciously. Ok, and we're not happy about this because, why again?  
  
_Oh dear Lord, I suppose I should just tell her. _There are some sacrifices that need to be made.  
  
She continued staring at him, waiting till he finished before she snapped.   
  
Giles leaned forward. And, well, the most important one is... the sacrifice of someone, stronger than human, with a soul.  
  
Leaning back with a sigh, he waited till the meaning of his words hit her.  
  
He saw her flinch as they did, but then, to his surprise, remained calm. He understood a moment later as she said:  
  
Ok then, obviously this isn't the answer. We keep looking.  
  
Her former Watcher stared at her, amazed at her ability to remain in denial.  
  
I'm afraid it's not that simple, Buffy, he said gently.  
  
She stood up abruptly. No. It is. This isn't - I'm not - no. Just _no_.  
  
Giles stood up to face her, frustrated with her continued rejection of the reality of the situation. I'm sorry Buffy, but this is the only answer. You need to accept it!  
  
she shouted back. I don't. You've been wrong before, and you're wrong again. You told me that I needed to kill Dawn to stop the last apocalypse, and guess what? I didn't! Ok, admittedly, I ended up having to die, but if I'd only been a bit faster, that wouldn't have happened either.  
  
Unable to bear this any longer, Spike stepped around the corner from where he'd been listening. He'd realized that Buffy was too upset and too concentrated to feel' him, and he needed to be near her, here for her. He was a bit ashamed he'd made the Watcher tell her this in the first place; now, he knew, was his time to speak up.  
  
Spike contradicted her, if _I'd _been a little faster, that wouldn't have happened.  
  
She groaned. Spike, not this guilt trip again!  
  
He shook his head. No, it's not really about that, I just wanted to point that out. But Buffy, he said, approaching her and taking her hands in his, Giles is right. This is the only way. The text even indicated that this was the only solution.  
  
Buffy glared at him. No!! You're wrong, damn you! You're wrong!  
  
She turned and ran out the door, grabbing her coat and a stake as she went.  
  
Dawn saw her sister flying out the door, and asked, Buffy? Where are you going?  
  
To kill something! the Slayer called back.  
  
Spike shook his head. Sorry to have stuck you with this, Rupes. It's dark now, I'll head after her, make her understand.  
  
Giles nodded mutely at him, and Spike took off, running after his Slayer.  
  
Pouring himself a glass of much-needed brandy, the Watcher silently wished the vampire luck.   
  
*****  
  
A couple blocks away, Spike caught up with her.  
  
He put on an extra burst of speed to run around in front of her. Grabbing her arms, he stopped her headlong dash to get away from reality.  
  
Buffy, luv, stop... stop running, please, talk to me.  
  
She struggled with him, trying to free herself, but not using all of her strength. After a moment, she stopped, and instead stared straight into Spike's eyes.  
  
Talk to you? Oh, I'll talk to you, all right! Did you know that one of the reasons I finally gave in and allowed myself to be with you, to love you, was because I told myself, Here's a guy who'll never leave me!' How many times have I told you to go, and you haven't? The one time you did, it was for me, and you returned, you came back to me. But now, you want to be all noble and throw everything we have away? For the first time in... well, ever, I'm happy! I _was_, anyway... in a relationship I thought was good and strong and healthy and now I find my lover's willing to go jump into a fiery pit of doom and end it!  
  
He halted her tirade with a gentle kiss. As he pulled back, he told her seriously, Buffy, luv, do you think I want to give this up? Now, just when I have everything I've wanted for so long? I've waited _years _to have this with you, to have what we have now. Trust me, pet, I want to be here, with you, for all eternity.  
  
Then stay! she begged.  
  
You know I can't! What would you have me do, let the world end just so you and I could have a few more seconds together?  
  
This isn't the answer! There must be another way! Buffy declared stubbornly.  
  
He shook his head at her wearily. Buffy, we've gone over this carefully. There isn't. This is the only option. Please, luv, accept this, let me do what I must to ensure you an' the Nibblet an' the Scoobies an' the whole world are safe. I _have _to do this.  
  
She turned away, thinking. She whirled back around to him, excited. Even if this is the only way, it doesn't have to be you, does it?  
  
  
  
It doesn't have to be you. The sacrifice. It could be another someone stronger than a human with a soul.  
  
Spike was getting annoyed. They'd already gone over this, and he wished she'd just accept this. True, but Buffy, there's not very many beings who fit that description. It has to be me.  
  
Buffy shouted, stamping her foot like a child. It could be someone else! It could be me-  
  
Spike grabbed her arms and shook her. No! It bloody well couldn't be you! Don't even say that, luv, don't even think it. What would we do without - no. That's not a possibility and you know it.  
  
I don't see why not! You think you can leave me, let's see how you like it when I go die on you!  
  
Spike looked at her disbelievingly. Sometimes she was so childish! Been there, done that, luv, remember? B'sides, it wouldn't work.  
  
What? But you said-  
  
Stronger than a human with a soul. But see, you and Faith are stronger than the average human, yeah, but you're still human. It's difficult to translate this exactly, but the text implied that the being who is stronger than human' couldn't be a human. Sorta makes sense when you think about it.  
  
she muttered sullenly, acknowledging that he was right but not wanting to give in.  
  
But wait... maybe... How about Angel?  
  
Spike stared at her, too stunned for words. Angel, the supposed love of her life, and she was offering to sacrifice him? Unbelievable. Finally, he managed to gasp, Buffy! I can't believe you would even say such a thing!  
  
She looked a bit sheepish, but said determinedly, What? He's all big with the self-sacrificing stuff. He'd probably jump at a chance to give his life to save the world.  
  
Coming to his senses a bit, Spike explained to her, Well, as lovely as the thought of sacrificing Peaches is, he's unavailable.  
  
Buffy frowned. What do you mean, unavailable? Did you call him and talk to him about this already?  
  
Spike sighed. No, I didn't call him... I know he's not around because he's in Africa. Seein' a demon about a soul - well, bout gettin' a more permanent soul.  
  
Buffy stared at him, wide-eyed with disbelief. What?! How- what - how do you know?  
  
Who do you think gave him directions?  
  
Buffy suddenly sat down on a nearby curb. Spike knelt down next to her, looking at her worriedly.  
  
Luv? You feelin' all right?  
  
Yeah, yeah... just in shock... I mean, I thought you _hated _Angel, and now I find your giving him directions so he can get a permanent soul? I don't get it.  
  
Spike gave a little half-smile as he told her, Don't tell anyone, but I don't really hate Angel. He was a right bloody fool to leave you, but if he hadn't I wouldn't have had the chance to be with you. And I get what he had to go through with when he got his soul. I never really got that before. Guess maybe I thought the whole tortured act was just that - an act. It's not.  
  
Seeing Buffy's expression of amazement, Spike shifted uncomfortably, looking away. When he helped the stairs that one night, we talked...   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Spike and Angel's conversation ~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike lay on Buffy's bed, while Angel paced around the room.  
  
Fed up with the older vamp, Spike said impatiently, Would you sit down already, y' git? Or better yet, just leave... it's what you're good at, anyway...  
  
Angel looked over at his grandchilde. Spike... or is it William, now?  
  
Spike rolled his eyes. No, it's still Spike. Unlike _some_ vampires, I don't ave a split personality. Before it was me without a soul, now it's me with a soul.  
  
Angel nodded, trying to process everything. He dragged a chair up alongside the bed and sat down heavily. Spike, did you have Willow curse you, too? Because she didn't say anything about it, which -  
  
Bloody hell! No, Peaches, this isn't some soddin' curse. Couldn't get rid of it if I tried.  
  
It's - it's not a curse? Then how... ?  
  
It's a long story. Went to see a demon bout a girl, came back with a shiny new soul... or maybe it's my old soul, don't know.  
  
Demon? What demon? You just went and asked for it? Or -  
  
Getting frustrated with his grandsire, Spike spat, No, I had to _earn _it, unlike you! Why do you care, anyway? As long as you're careful not to lose your soul again, you're fine.  
  
Angel looked away sheepishly. Yeah, well, I'm getting rather tired of being careful... I mean, it's kinda hard to have a serious relationship when I know it can't go anywhere... not that it's all about sex, I just mean eventually, you know...  
  
Spike regarded him with interest, curious now. Someone special you got in mind? A thought struck him. Not Buffy, right?  
  
No, not her... I know we're over with. It's not even so much anyone in particular as it is, well, the possibility... I don't want to be limited. And I feel... well, you're right, I didn't earn this soul... and I want to.  
  
Ignoring all the noble stuff, Spike asked, So, come on, grandad, who's the lucky gal?  
  
Angel smiled slightly at Spike's interest. Maybe Faith... maybe Cordelia...  
  
Faith's th' other Slayer, right? Angel nodded, and Spike continued. Ok, obviously, I get that, but Cordelia... the cheerleader?  
  
She's changed a lot... and what do you mean, you get that I might be with a Slayer... wait... you and Buffy?  
  
See, I said you were slow... last year... it's a really long story. It's over now, Spike finished sadly.  
  
Angel forced a few more details out of Spike, worried about his relationship with Buffy, but finally talk turned to the trials Spike had gone through.   
  
Spike asked, You're really serious about this, mate? Cause it wasn't a bloody picnic in the park.  
  
I'm serious.  
  
All right. Here's how I found the cave...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After Spike had related the salient points of this conversation to Buffy, she remained silent. He allowed her time to think about everything.   
  
Part of what surprised Buffy about Spike's willingness to help Angel was that she figured Spike might think that she and Angel would get back together again. She knew they wouldn't - they really were over- but she was glad to find Spike was either very certain of her being over Angel, or that Spike loved her so much he was willing to let her be with Angel (with a permanent soul) if that's what it took to make her happy.  
  
Finally her mind unwillingly came back to how things were at present. Unhappily, she looked at Spike and whispered, This really is the only choice?  
  
He nodded sadly. Yes, luv, it truly is.  
  
I- I need some time... to think about stuff...  
  
Right then, I'll head back to the house.  
  
No! Not you. I mean- she shook her head, trying to figure out how to get across what she meant. I mean I can't think at my house, with all the people around... I want to spend all the time I can with you before... oh God! I can't believe this!  
  
The reality of the situation suddenly struck her more fully. Spike was really going to die, permanently die, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Buffy couldn't imagine her life without him now. It seemed so unfair. Was it so wrong of her to be happy? Were the Powers That Be trying to tell her something?   
  
Buffy recalled some of the words the First Slayer had spoken to her at their initial meeting: _I am destruction. Absolute ... alone.... No ... friends! Just the kill... We ... are ... alone!  
  
But then later the First Slayer told me that I was full of love... am I destined to be full of love, but always alone? Oh, forget it!  
_  
Determined to enjoy what little time they had left, Buffy told Spike, Come on. She stood and walked down the street, Spike trailing behind.  
  
Where are we going, luv?  
  
To a hotel, where we can be alone. I'll call the house from there, let them know we won't be home for a while.  
  
Raising his eyebrows in surprise, Spike quickly decided he liked this new plan.  
  
And so, that night, for the first time ever, Buffy and Spike made love.  
  
**********************************************************  
**********************************************************  
**********************************************************  
  
_2 months later...   
  
_Hey, Buffy, we going to the cemetery tonight? Dawn asked her sister.  
  
Buffy thought for a moment. She knew Dawn was referring the grave of the man who held such a special place in the girls' hearts.  
  
Sure, Dawnie, it's been a while since I went. Wanna run out and get some flowers?  
  
Dawn nodded eagerly, and Buffy pulled out some cash, relieved to have some money on hand. It made a pleasant change from the way things had been, and, with Anya's help, they'd made the right investments for the money to last a long time.  
  
Dawn paused before she left. Buffy... doesn't it, I dunno, feel weird to be using this money to buy flowers for his grave when it was once his money?  
  
Thinking about this for a moment, Buffy replied, No, not weird... kinda fitting, really.  
  
Dawn nodded, and left to purchase the flowers.  
  
*****  
  
After scrawling out a quick note for anyone who came looking for them, the two sisters left for the grave.   
  
It wasn't really a grave,but a memorial stone; his remains were trapped in the collapsed cave below the Hellmouth..  
  
The girls sat by the marker, after carefully arranging the flowers around it.  
  
I miss him, Dawn said sadly.  
  
Me, too, her sister replied, tracing the letters on the stone with her hand:  
  


RUPERT GILES  
1964-2003  
OUR WATCHER, OUR FATHER, AND OUR FRIEND.  
REST IN PEACE  
  


He hadn't been their only loss that night, but thankfully the other core Scoobies' got out with life, if not limb. Xander had lost an eye, and Anya an arm. Of course, Xander made funny jokes about his injury, and Anya complained about not being able to count money as well.  
  
Buffy sighed as she thought of her friends. Xander had gotten a job offer in L.A. that he couldn't turn down. So he and Anya (who were making plans for another, smaller wedding) had moved out several weeks ago.  
  
Riley had sacrificed himself during the fight to save some of the girls' lives. Faith and Connor made it out ok, although Faith had been pretty badly wounded. After her slayer healing had kicked in, the two had headed back to L.A., where the newly (permanently) ensoulled Angel turned up several days later. The Council had pulled some strings to keep Faith out of jail. She worked alongside Angel now, with his team.  
  
To Buffy's surprise, Connor had formed a lasting friendship (with perhaps a hint of more) with Dawn, and came to visit fairly often. It was a bit odd to have her vampire ex-boyfriend's son dating her sister, but hey, it was the Hellmouth, where weird was most definitely the norm.  
  
After the heavy magics Willow had used for that final spell, she had left for England to study and meditate once again with the coven. She had explained to Buffy that she might never be able to return to Sunnydale: the power of the Hellmouth was too powerful, and she was afraid of what she might do. Buffy understood, but it hurt to not have her best friend around. She was glad for her friend, however, as Willow had started dating another witch in the coven. From what Willow had told her, it sounded as though this was a much more serious and stabilizing relationship than the one she'd had with Kennedy.  
  
Although the ending was happy for the majority of the Scoobies, many of the Potentials' lives came to a sadder conclusion. Their bodies, like Giles', were buried beneath the Hellmouth. Buffy sent letters of condolences the families of those girls. She still hadn't completely forgiven herself, convinced that she could have done something better to keep those girls alive.  
  
The rest of the Potentials went home. Amanda, along with Dawn, kept up their training, though they rarely patrolled. Buffy helped with their drills, wanting them to be able to defend themselves against any nasties they might encounter.  
  
Of course, she didn't help coach them alone. Spike often helped as well.  
  
A smile curved her lips as she thought of her vampire, and the miracle that had allowed him to escape with his unlife two months earlier.  
  
He had stood where Willow had instructed him to, and waited for the beam of light that was supposed to take his body and soul and allow Willow to complete the spell.  
  
The light had come, the spell had been finished, and the Hellmouth was closed, with essence of the First trapped inside.  
  
Despite their best efforts, some demons had escaped the Hellmouth. Not taking the time to wonder why he was still there, Spike leapt into the fray, saving Xander's life, as well as several Potentials.  
  
After they had taken those who needed treating to the hospital, the others who were less severely injured regrouped back at the Summers' house.  
  
Still in shock, unable to believe it was over and not having come to terms with the deaths, those at the Summers' house had concentrated on why Spike was still there.  
  
Buffy half-thought she was hallucinating when she saw him after the fight, but the pain from her own wounds reassured her that this was real.  
  
Spike had been badly injured in the battle. Not being human, they couldn't take him to the hospital, and so had taken him home to rest. As Buffy tended to his cuts and broken ribs, she talked with Willow.  
  
Willow was barely conscious, drained from the spell, but decided this was important enough that she needed to concentrate. The girls feared that perhaps the spell hadn't really worked, as the sacrifice hadn't been accepted. Finally, they gave up worrying about it and fell asleep, exhausted.  
  
Spike woke up to find the Slayer and Red asleep in their chairs. Carefully lifting Willow's arm from where it rested on a book, he took it from her, recognizing it as the book in which the spell had been found.  
  
He was as curious - and as thankful- as anyone else for his survival, giving him a chance to be with his love. The book was in Latin, which he had learned long ago, back when he was William.  
  
When the girls awoke, they found a grinning Spike sitting there. He explained what he'd discovered: the word they'd translated as sacrifice' could also mean offering.' The difference between the two was slight, but apparently enough to make all the difference for his existence.  
  
Buffy personally thought that perhaps this was a gift for her from the Powers That Be. Perhaps her thinking was a bit selfish, but after all she'd done, and all she'd lost, she felt she deserved something in return.  
  
The Slayer's thoughts returned to the present as Dawn rose. She stood with her sister, and, with one last look at Giles' memorial stone, the girls headed home.  
  
******  
  
Buffy smiled as she saw her lover on the porch, smoking as always. She couldn't get him to quit, although, as she pointed out, it was a money-consuming and yellowing-teeth habit, as well as the whole pesky cancer thing for humans. His only concession had been to refrain from smoking around her and Dawn too often. His concern for them had, as usual, come before all else.  
  
Sure enough, as soon as he spotted his girls,' he snuffed out the cigarette.  
  
Spike managed to make himself wait until they were on the porch before attacking. First under attack was Buffy, whom he twirled around as he kissed her deeply. Next was Dawn, who received a very similar treatment, only without the kissing.  
  
Slightly dizzy from the spinning, Dawn said, So, guess you missed us, huh?  
  
Who, me? Nah, Spike grinned. He'd gone to L.A. to talk to Angel about some family business.' Going for three days without the Summers women was hard for him, even though he called them every evening.   
  
He was overjoyed to be back, and suddenly couldn't resist his urge to kiss Buffy again.  
  
As the two of them started making out, Dawn rolled her eyes. Ugh. I'll be upstairs, in my room, with the music blasting, as usual. And, guys, try to make it into Buffy's bedroom this time. No scaring the neighbors.  
  
With this, Dawn turned and walked inside, secretly smiling. Spike was in their lives, just the way she'd wanted him to be for a long time: as Buffy's lover, and as her surrogate big brother.   
  
As she slammed her door shut, she heard her family stumble in the front door, slowly making their way up to Buffy's room without ever losing touch of the other.  
  
_Not an entirely happy ending, _Dawn thought, _but good enough.  
  
  
_

THE END_  
_

  
  
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A/N: Whew! Time for a big long author's note. By the way, some of the stuff I'm gonna say is kinda spoiler-y, so if you've somehow managed to remain ignorant about what happens at the end of season 7, and wish to remain so, don't read on.  
  
The reason for this hurried ending (oh, and my apologies for that!) is that I'm leaving for college in 2 days, and I'm not going to continue writing. I figured a rushed finish was better than none at all.  
  
I got the basic idea for this story back in March, and hadn't read any spoilers or anything, so the idea for Spike to have to sacrifice himself was _not _stolen from the show (although I think used Joss' wording). Of course, I like my final ending a lot better than his! :)  
  
Um, what else... in case anyone was confused, the bright light that hit Spike during the spell wasn't sunlight like it was on the show; I just thought I'd mention that in case anyone was wondering!  
  
Any quotes I've used throughout this entire fic have been found at Buffyworld.com  
  
Thank you all so _so **so SO **_****much for all the reviews, from the first chapter to the last. I would have given up long ago if it weren't for the reviews.


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